Morning Star

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Will, Feb 3, 2004.

  1. #1
    Will

    Will LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    I decided to attempt a new style of writing with this next poem. I've been studying Whittman for the past few days in school, and his writing style is really unique. It's known as free-verse, in which there is no pattern or rhyme scheme. However, I decided to use a rhyme scheme, but use no pattern. I also didn't use any contractions. This is my first piece of work like this, and I would really appreciate comments!

    Morning Star

    Every time that I see your face
    I remember the fact that I have lost my chance with you
    Now, I am caught up in this place
    Wondering if I will ever make it true

    As I place myself in a dream with you
    My shyness and lack of courage seems to disappear
    All I want is to be with you
    Only in my dreams can I do it, and not here

    I cannot blame anyone for this
    It is something that dwells deep inside the chambers of my heart
    But the negative framework of my lacking bliss
    Takes me back to the start

    I will probably never understand why this is the way I am
    And I have done everything I can to change it
    This is not something I had planned
    And in the darkness of the shadows, your face is dimly lit

    Every time you glance at me
    My heart skips a beat and I try hard to catch my breath
    I wonder if you would ever take a chance with me
    Because I am feeling ways I have never felt

    Day after day is just more frustrating than the day before it
    I see your face almost everywhere I go
    In my dreams, I am always feeling euphoric
    Because, in my dreams, you are all that I know

    Sometimes, I act as though you do not even exist
    Other times, I look right at you and smile
    I do not really know how to explain why I feel like this
    If I had the chance, for you, I would walk a thousand miles

    If I could go back to the day that I became so introverted
    I would stop whatever happened from happening
    Maybe, then, I would be able to stop myself from being converted
    And, maybe, then, my shyness would not snap and sting

    I might as well transform
    I am not doing a bit of good in my current state
    Maybe, then, you could keep me warm
    Until then, I stand, here, at the gate
     
  2. #2
    Tony

    Tony war in your bedroom.

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    wow, that is just... ####en awesome
     
  3. #3
    Andrea

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    I love it, Will. It flows together perfectly. Excellent job. :)
     
  4. #4
    Will

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    Thanks, guys. :)
     
  5. #5
    Alacrity

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    /me is speechless.



    Awesome
     
  6. #6
    LPNeSSRGB

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    :eek: That was just amazing...! Seriously, the way the words flow together is awesome...personally, I prefer free-verse, so maybe I'm being partial. But the choice of words is excellent, and it really tells a story without giving too much away...I really like that. Plus, I can really identify with it since it is VERY similar to a situation in my life right now. Great job Will!
     
  7. #7
    Will

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    Thanks again, guys. :)
     
  8. #8
    Hybrid Soldier

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    great piece Will. i feel it's your best.
     
  9. #9
    Anya

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    That's really awsome Will wow. I'm suprised how good you made it without having to use a pattern. :eek:
     
  10. #10
    Ppr:Kut

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    :eek:
     
  11. #11
    Jamie

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    I've got nothing to say...thats how speechless I am
     
  12. #12
    OggeM

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    Nice like some mice
     
  13. #13
    EvolutionaryFuse

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    wooaaa nice
     

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