Chain Mail

Dedicated · Jan 11, 2004

Don't you just love chain mail? Well this is an example of what to do in the future.... It's really long but funny as hell you gotta read it...

>>>>Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and
>>>>deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity,
>>>>fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and
>>>>guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fuc*ing chain letters
>>>>sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them
>>>>on, then that poor fuc*ing 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a
>>>>breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have
>>>>it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the
>>>>traveling freak show.
>>>>
>>>>Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
>>>>everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh,
>>>>looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get
>>>>laid by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of
>>>>fuc*ing Bullsh*t.
>>>>
>>>>So basically, this message is a big fu*k YOU to all the people
>>>>out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid
>>>>chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will
>>>>come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not
>>>>continuing the chain which was started by Ceaser in 5 A.D. and
>>>>was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower
>>>>and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness
>>>>Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant
>>>>stupidity.
>>>>
>>>>fu*k them!
>>>>
>>>>If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
>>>>mildly fuc*ing amusing. I've seen all the 'send this to 50 of
>>>>your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human
>>>>being will somehow receive a Nickel from some omniscient being
>>>>forwards about 90 times. I don't fuc*ing care. Show a little
>>>>intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to
>>>>by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
>>>>
>>>>Chain Letter Type 1:
>>>>(scroll down)
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Make a wish!!!
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Keep Scrolling
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>No, really, go on and make one!!!
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
>>>>Wish something else!!!
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Not that, you pervert!!
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>STOP!!!!
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Wasn't that fun?
>>>>Hope you made a great wish
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all,
>>>>if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you
>>>>will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a
>>>>pile of manure.
>>>>
>>>>It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS
>>>>one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
>>>>
>>>>*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
>>>>sending them a stupid chain letter.
>>>>
>>>>*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you
>>>>for sending them a stupid chain letter.
>>>>
>>>>*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you
>>>>for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on
>>>>your life.
>>>>
>>>>*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at
>>>>you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your
>>>>house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
>>>>
>>>>Chain Letter Type 2
>>>>
>>>>Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
>>>>starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms,
>>>>no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could
>>>>be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will
>>>>be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy
>>>>from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
>>>>
>>>>Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the
>>>>emails sent and this is all a complete load of Bullsh*t. So go
>>>>on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.
>>>>
>>>>Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6
>>>>people, you will die instantly.
>>>>
>>>>Thanks again!!
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Chain Letter Type 3
>>>>
>>>>Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897.
>>>>This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and
>>>>probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.
>>>>
>>>>So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the
>>>>next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
>>>>
>>>>*Bizarre Horror Story #1
>>>>Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
>>>>recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in
>>>>a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a
>>>>drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a
>>>>waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could
>>>>Happen To You!!!
>>>>
>>>>*Bizarre Horror Story #2
>>>>Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
>>>>ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
>>>>boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and
>>>>went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day
>>>>for eternity....
>>>>
>>>>This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just
>>>>like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser
>>>>friends, and everything will be okay.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Chain Letter Type 4
>>>>
>>>>As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
>>>>Send it to all your friends.
>>>>
>>>>FRIENDS:
>>>>
>>>>A friend is someone who is always at your side.
>>>>
>>>>A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of sh*t,
>>>>and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood.
>>>>
>>>>A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a
>>>>hat full of assholes.
>>>>
>>>>A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled
>>>>yourself.
>>>>
>>>>A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry
>>>>about your sad, sad life.
>>>>
>>>>A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really
>>>>think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious
>>>>dogs.
>>>>
>>>>A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets
>>>>the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry
>>>>that's the cleaning lady.
>>>>
>>>>A friend is NOT someone who sends you chain letters because he
>>>>wants his wish of being rich to come true.
>>>>
>>>>Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again!
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening
>>>>to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life,
>>>>delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by
>>>>making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth,
>>>>who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only
>>>>savior is the 5 cents per
>>>>letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll
>>>>end up like Miranda. Right?
>>>>
>>>>Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you'll find
>>>>all your knickers missing tomorrow morning!
>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>
>
Click to expand...

Will · Jan 11, 2004

/me can't stop laughing.

Neil · Jan 11, 2004

So true

Alacrity · Jan 11, 2004

Lmao I like the friend poem thing

Debus · Jan 11, 2004

.................. ROTFLMFAO!! That is one funny letter. Anger to chain letters......ooooooooooohhh

LinkinTheory · Jan 11, 2004

That took awhile to read. I laughed the whole time.

Anthony. · Jan 11, 2004

Sadly, it's too much real .

Funny one, nice find .

Aaron · Jan 11, 2004

LMAO!

Andrea · Jan 11, 2004

That was hiliarious.

Omar A · Jan 11, 2004

That was the funniest thing ever

Nikki · Jan 11, 2004

I SALUTE THE PERSON THAT WROTE THAT.

Seriously, I really hate chain letters. Next time I get one, I'm going to send that to whoever started the damned thing ;p

Nice find, my friend

Amy · Jan 12, 2004

That is the best thing ever . I am going to send that to a heap of people right now!

Ander · Jan 12, 2004

>>>>If you think chain mail sucks please
>>>>send this email to at least 100 peole a day.
>>>>Thank you.

Phantom Duck · Jan 12, 2004

Chain Mail Vs. Chain Mail

I

Hana · Jan 12, 2004

I got this letter translated to Czech few days ago. It's hilarious

Casual D · Jan 12, 2004

A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry
that's the cleaning lady.
Click to expand...

*dies*

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Chain Mail

Dedicated LPA Addict LPA Addict

Will LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

Neil Super Duper Member LPA Super Member

Alacrity don't stop talking to me; i haven't been listening LPA Super Member

Debus Morbid Fascination LPA Addict

LinkinTheory Well-Known Member

Anthony. .Orestes LPA Super VIP

Aaron Foundation LPA Super Member

Andrea best friends. LPA Addicted VIP

Omar A Beyond Science LPA Super Member

Nikki I have no idea what is going on LPA Super Member

Amy LPA VIP LPA Über VIP

Ander LPA VIP LPA Super VIP

Phantom Duck You are my detonator. LPA Super Member

Hana i are scientists LPA Super Member

Casual D I WON'T BE YOUR CASUAL D. LPA Administrator

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