BURN IT DOWN Parody The pizza was eaten And my stomach was grumbling loud I tried to relieve it But couldn't even figure out how And you were there at the bathroom You weren't letting me in... It's building up And it's not breaking down It's building up But not breaking down Someone help me wash this pizza down I felt like shitting But the bathroom was occupied I wanted to get rid of it But your "2 seconds" turned to five And you were there at the bathroom You weren't letting me in.... And I was waiting at the door My waste was about to hit the floor It's building up And it's not breaking down It's building up But not breaking down Someone help me wash this pizza down You told me that I could come in And when the door opened I started running I tried to hold it but let out gas And soon the pizza shop was filled with laughs My face turned bright, tomato red And I felt something run down my leg And then I looked at the ground And noticed something smelly, and dark brown And I waited at the door But ooops it hit the floor... It built itself up And it came right out It built itself up And came right out I can't wait to run out of this place and hide
The syllables in your parody are off. Syllable count and lines: Your version And you were there at the bathroom - 8 syllables Original And you were there at the turn - 7 syllables Your version It's building up - 4 And it's not breaking down - 6 It's building up - 4 But not breaking down - 5 Original We're building it up - 5 To break it back down - 5 We're building it up - 5 To burn it down - 4 I really SHOULD go on but I'm not going to. There are certain instances, like your parodied line of "All that I needed" in the first verse that is fine even with an incorrect syllable count due to it fitting the word in terms of flow (needed/relieved). The ones I pointed out just lead to awkward delivery. I'd say you have an okay idea here but the delivery is terrible. I'm hoping for a second draft in the future.
I'll definitely rewrite this and construct it better. This was all off the top of my head. Literally line after line. I typed it all out at once and posted it.
Yeah, I know the feeling. I'm slightly known on the forums for song parodies. And by slightly known, I mean I used to do it all the time. There was even a point on an LPA podcast where I wrote a verse and chorus parody of Blackout concerning Super Mario based on a comment Derek made about 2 minutes before. Then performed it on the Podcast. Them's the breaks.