Itz exactly what it says on the tin, put your jokes in this post! keep it clean and follow the forum rules. thats no rudeness, racism & keep it clean! Why the hedgehog cross the road? to see his flat mate!
yeah dont get that 1!! and ive nevva heard it b4 whats the difference between illegal and unlawful illegal is a sick bird. unlawful is against the law
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds' legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species. The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the madder he got. Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked to the door. The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?" The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You tell me buddy! You tell me!" -unknown
.............................................. Oh!!! Took me a while to understand that one there, i'm a bit slow
do...dododododo.... Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad Quick and easy
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
What do MJ and McDonalds have in common? They both stick their meat between twelve year old buns! *Slaps leg in sarcasm.* Why did MJ go to K-Mart? Because the boys pants were half off! *Continue to slap leg in sarcsam.* Your mamma' is so hunch back she has to wear googles when she takes a leak! *Slap, slap, slap.* BLONDE JOKE ALERT! WARNING! Two blondes were on a trip to Disney Land. They suddenly came to a fork in the road. There was a sign in the middle that said 'Disney Land Left', so they turned around and went home. *Finishs slaping leg.*
Here's another MJ joke... What's the difference between a plastic bag and Michael Jackson? One's plastic and harmful to children, the other one's a plastic bag Teehee, I have a knock-knock joke Knock knock, Who's there? Little Boy Blue Little Boy Blue Who? Michael Jackson
A drunk was really proud of his new apartment and insisted on showing it to his friend late one night. Against the back wall, there was a giant gong. The friend asks, "Hey, what's that gong for?" The drunk replies, "It's not a gong, it's a talking clock." The friend looks puzzled and says, "I don't get it." So the drunk strikes the gong with a huge CRASH and a voice from the other side of the wall yells, "HEY! IT'S THREE IN THE MORNING!" (got this from Reader's Digest)
how do you make a dog sound like a cat?? you freeze it, take a chainsaw... and YOU KNOW... it then goes... MEEEEEEEEEEEEOW... how do you make a cat sound like a dog?? you soak it in kerosine... light it... and it goes... WOOOFFF... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *special thanks to my friend, the BUTTERFLY!! man... make the sound effects... man... laughing MY BALLS OFF... if i had some... or do i?? YOU NEVER KNOW!! anywho... yeah...*
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp. 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. 8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s**t out of him. 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." 11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .. 12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the C****y,. 13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. 14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's. LOL! ROTFLOL!