Lost (Original Short Story)

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by MKH, Dec 9, 2010.

  1. #1
    MKH

    MKH That's wharrrt it is LPA Super VIP

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    Rain splattered the cement streets of New London as John splashed his way home. It had been a particularly lonely day at the bakery, although every day was lonely. As his tidy, sleek hair dampened, John stared through the water bubbles on his glasses and thought of his lonely car, his lonely home, and his clearly lonely life. He got into his car and sighed deeply. If anyone had walked past John’s car at that moment, they might have thought he had died in his sleep at the wheel. However, John snapped awake and turned his key in the ignition. Suddenly, warmth flowed through John like his own blood. He felt his hair and clothes dry, a heavenly feeling of joy, and, for some reason, his vision became blurry; John removed his glasses to find that he could see clearly ahead of him. He saw many unfamiliar faces approaching him, reaching out their hands in what could only be taken as if they were trying to offer him help. John turned from face to face in shock before reaching a smile that belonged to his grandmother. John reached out to touch her, to feel the company of another human being, but at once he felt a sudden chill and was lifted off his feet. Minutes, hours, days, months passed as John continued to fall through the blackness screaming inaudibly, his hand still reaching out for someone, anyone else. The following day, newspapers printed faster than lightning and word of terrorism spread like wildfire throughout New London. The previous afternoon, a car bomb had been planted as a threat to the government and although a body was found, it could not be identified. With the turn of a key, a John Doe was lost.

    © 2010 Maruf Hossain. All rights reserved.
     
  2. #2
    El Muerto

    El Muerto LPA Super Member LPA Super Member

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    That was a nice read, really enjoyed it.

    There's a site that publishes short stories from 500-1000 words, so if expand it just a bit you can try them: www.flashfictiononline.com
     
  3. #3
    MKH

    MKH That's wharrrt it is LPA Super VIP

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    Thanks! I'll check out the site :)
     
  4. #4
    sotrix

    sotrix @lplive

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    LOL at the copyright symbol.

    A very good paragraph with a great ending. My only note would be to avoid having characters sigh (especially deeply) in your writing.
     
  5. #5
    MKH

    MKH That's wharrrt it is LPA Super VIP

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    Yeah I copied the entirety of my post from the campus directory, instead of pasting it from the file, and they add the copyrights in for us.

    Thanks for the notes!
     
  6. #6
    Ree

    Ree a female witch. LPA Administrator

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    I like this. Nice work!
     

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