Refusal

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Heavy is the Louis, Aug 30, 2005.

  1. #1
    Heavy is the Louis

    Heavy is the Louis No really, we are so back. LPA Team

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    [Verse 1]

    Sometimes I wonder why everything in my heads feels so alright
    Don't know how it is, but after all the things I still ask this:
    What happened to us?
    Everything seems okay, but it's not enough.
    I need to let it go, but I still refuse; I want to know.

    I still refuse and I want to know...

    [Chorus]

    After all of this I realize, I still feel the same inside.
    I know that things have changed, and I still feel like nothing is okay.
    A false sense of security, but to you it seems, it's nothing like me.
    But in the end, I'm falling farther. In the end, it's far from over.

    [Verse 2]

    I still wonder why I am the way I was before, tonight.
    Don't know what it is, but after everything I still ask this:
    What happened to us?
    Nothing is okay, and it's not enough.
    I need to let this go, but I still refuse and I want to know.

    I still refuse and I want to know...

    [Chorus x1]

    [Bridge]

    What happened to me? Nothing is alright, not what it seems.
    I need to let it go, but I still refuse and I want to know...

    [Chorus x2]

    In the end, it's far from over...
     
  2. #2
    The Outsider

    The Outsider Billy Corgan = God

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    funky...
    r u gonna take it further and sell it to bands..
    i wanna sell my lyrics to my fav local playground...but i cant find em..
     
  3. #3
    D_A_V_I_D

    D_A_V_I_D Pure Pwnage

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    Nice work, really liked it, be great to hear it to music, my only concern is the verses could be a bit short, but it depends on the speed of the piece.
     
  4. #4
    saunderitos

    saunderitos Banned

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    :lol:

    Sorry,not my type.
    I think the lines where too long, and the lack of ryhmes (typo?) made it hard to read.
     
  5. #5
    Heavy is the Louis

    Heavy is the Louis No really, we are so back. LPA Team

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    Far from over...

    Damn typos.

    EDIT: Fixed it.

    They were short lines, but I just include two lines in one sentence. So, if you were to seperate them up, then it would probably make more sense to you.

    And you being a person who write lyrics and poems, should understand that not everything has to rhyme.
     
  6. #6
    Linja

    Linja Good. Be magnanimous. Über Member

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    I really like this... It doesn't have to rhyme to sound good. It'd be great to hear to music.
     
  7. #7
    saunderitos

    saunderitos Banned

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    yes,however, you have to write it very well without ryhmes to make it good ^_^ .

    You'll just have to understand that not everyone will like every piece of writing you do. And don't make excuses when that comes and just take it ^^
     
  8. #8
    Heavy is the Louis

    Heavy is the Louis No really, we are so back. LPA Team

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    I know. Don't think I'm being a baby dude. I'm just making a point.
    And cut the sentences in half, they do rhyme. I just put them like that to be sorta, sentence like. Get what I mean?
     
  9. #9
    lp_sk8ergurl

    lp_sk8ergurl Well-Known Member

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    I guess you did a pretty good job.
     
  10. #10
    Heavy is the Louis

    Heavy is the Louis No really, we are so back. LPA Team

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    Thanks for any...good comments.
     
  11. #11
    saunderitos

    saunderitos Banned

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    i guess i understand what you mean,but i'm still having trouble seeing the ryhmes ^^ whats the ryhming scheme?
     
  12. #12
    Heavy is the Louis

    Heavy is the Louis No really, we are so back. LPA Team

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    I'll PM you with an edit version of it. It's the same, but you'll see the rhyming scheme.
     
  13. #13
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    good job...i got to a blue world (i visualize stuff when i read other peoples poetry) ^_^
     

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