I just wrote this, and figured i hadnt posted in a while. Read, maybe respond, its all good Editut the wrong one in....whoops..so its a different poem now.heheh Make Me If there was ever enough for you I would fall down trying To make everything crystal clear I’m fighting not to quit trying There is so much I cant say I have a bit of life inside of me If you take it all away You’ll find a silence that is deafening I have to take you down To make everything disappear I’ve got to clear the path And get away from here There is too much I cant face Too many things in my way If I fail and find my own disgrace Ill be better of anyway I can mock the common crowd And find myself a part of them Its easy to become something When all you’ve ever done is blend Its not a shock That life turned out this way No one should be amazed We all know we’re sheltered away I have to take you down To make everything disappear I’ve got to clear the path And get away from here There is too much I cant face Too many things in my way If I fail and find my own disgrace Ill be better of anyway You want me to become more like you You want me to do everything you cant do A private slave to recover everything you lost A lost soul, that you will claim at any cost
That's alright. A couple points you need to work on though. 1. twas kind of confusing 2. if you're gonna rhyme, u should rhyme throughout the poem Keep working on poems though.
I thought it did rhyme throughout. The pattern he used changed but it did rhyme. Anyway, I thought it was good. I wish it was longer, though. Your poems / songs always seem short to me.