heres a kinda lame one what did the animal say to the other animal???? nothing animals dont talk in a laguage that we could posssible understand wasnt it lame??? heres a better one how do u get a blond to kill her self?? put a scratch and sniff at the bottem of the deepest bottem of a pool
A man decides to visit a whorehouse. He is sitting in the waiting room when he notices jars of tomatoes on the shelves. Suddenly noticing that he is hungry, he opens a jar and precedes to devour an entire jar. The next day he returns and eats another jar while waiting for his prostitute. On the third day he asks a hooker where they got those juicy tomatoes. The whore replies, "Tomatoes? Those are last weeks abortions." [II] There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. Ten were men and one woman. The rope was starting to fray so they all agreed that one person should let go because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go so finally the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save theirs, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving into men, and that after all, men were the superior sex and must be saved. When she finished speaking, all the men clapped. Never under estimate the evil of a woman. [III]There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says "Mummy, what are they doing?". The mother hesitates then quickly replies "Ummm they are making cakes". The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkies having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, making cakes. The next day the girl says to her mother "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night eh?". Shocked, the Mother says "how do you know?" She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa". [IV] A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting. "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they follow through with his disgusting command. "The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index finger?" After the class was over, it took the janitor three hours to mop up the vomit. heh heh heh. Pogo (my friend) told me a few of those anywho, her friend anna york is going to tell Joey (Jordison, SlipKnot/Murderdolls) a couple of them (the autopsy and the icing one) and tell me and pogo his reaction =3 [edit] another one: One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa." The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked. The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma." The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy." Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure he was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"
Yo mama's so fat, when she stepped on the dog's tail we had to change his name to Beaver. Yo mama's so fat she makes Godzilla look like an action figure. Yo mama is so bald I can see what she's thinking. Yo mama a saint...a St. Bernard! Yo mama's so dirty, plants grow off her ass. Edit 60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy 1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it's cute. 3. Who circumcised you? 4. Why don't we just cuddle? 5. You know they have surgery to fix that. 6. It's more fun to look at. 7. Make it dance. 8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that. 9. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 10. It looks like a night crawler. 11. Wow, and your feet are so big. 12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger. 13. It's ok, we'll work around it. 14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim? 15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh. 16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it? 17. Oh no, a flash headache. 18. (giggle and point) 19. Can I be honest with you? 20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that. 21. Let me go get my tweezers. 22. How sweet, you brought incense. 23. This explains your car. 24. You must be a growing boy. 25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow. 26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick. 27. Are you one of those pygmies? 28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow? 29. Every heard of clearasil? 30. All right, a treasure hunt! 31. I didn't know they came that small. 32. Why is God punishing you? 33. At least this won't take long. 34. I never saw one like that before. 35. What do you call this? 36. But it still works, right? 37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting. 38. It looks so unused. 39. Do you take steroids? 40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it. 41. Maybe it looks better in natural light. 42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes? 43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident. 44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt? 45. Aww, it's hiding. 46. Are you cold? 47. If you get me real drunk first. 48. Is that an optical illusion? 49. What is that? 50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry. 51. Were you neutered? 52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents. 53. Does it come with an air pump? 54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality. 55. Where are the puppet strings? 56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun. 57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes. 58. Never mind, why bother. 59. Is that a second belly button? 60. Where's the rest of it?
LMFAO is he trying to tell us not to pray? [/b][/quote] just don't mention the word "ta-ta" and after that a name of a person, unless you hate that person and you want him/her dead
Yo mama's so fat, the horse on her Jordache jeans is real. Yo mama's so fat, they used her as the projection screen at the theatre. Yo mama's like a Big Mac... greasy and only worth $1.99! I once knew a blonde who... Tripped over a cordless phone Got stabbed during a driveby How do you confuse a lesbian? G.
just don't mention the word "ta-ta" and after that a name of a person, unless you hate that person and you want him/her dead [/b][/quote] Doesn't Ta-ta mean Grandma? Both the Grandma's DIE!
Yo mama's so fat, when she jumped up in the air, she got STUCK! yo mama's so fat, when she sat on the curb, she got a parking ticket! How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
Doesn't Ta-ta mean Grandma? Both the Grandma's DIE! [/b][/quote] ?? the milkman died cuz he was his true dad.
Yup, Tata means Grandma! [/b][/quote] you are confusing me... ... ... ta-ta doesn't mean grandma or grandpa... damn i can't stop laughing, the joke is frikking hilarious, i can stay here reading it all day long.
you are confusing me... ... ... ta-ta doesn't mean grandma or grandpa... damn i can't stop laughing, the joke is frikking hilarious, i can stay here reading it all day long. [/b][/quote] Yes it does.....in Arabic :chemist: HAHAHA I love confusing people!
SIPPING VODKA A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door: 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a**. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s**t out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his a**. 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me" 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry," 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God. 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Two muffins are in a oven and one muffin turns to the other and says, "Is it hot in here or is it just me," the other muffin turns to him and replys, "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN." Lame, but funny, lol.