Beautiful pools of White and black Watched hours after He had packed And left, gone Not going to return Been hurt too much Too much has been learnt “Why didn’t he stay? Should I have followed? Is it my fault that my heart Is black and hollowed?” Wild thoughts ran rampant Through her head “Why does it hurt? If my soul is dead?” She walked to where His shoes once stood His hat once hung When things were good She sadly took in All the mess He was gone Just loneliness Grey eyes surveyed the chaos Grey eyes wept crystal tears Grey eyes were full of longing Grey eyes were full of fear She watched his favorite programs She sang his favorite songs She cried the tears of sadness And tears of one who longs For yesterday Or yesteryear Or times when things were good For yesterday Or yesteryear When she was understood Her eyes took in What ears could not Her mouth opened A gun in the slot One finger on the trigger One hand above her heart “This heart has long stopped beating Since we have been apart” One eye on the picture They took the week before One tear for the picture Before he had closed the door One finger on the trigger One accidental push Her heart is slowly stopping Emotions in a rush Grey eyes surveyed the chaos Grey eyes wept crystal tears Grey eyes were full of longing Grey eyes were full of fear The door creaked slowly open A figure entered the room Grey eyes surveyed the chaos Grey eyes surveyed the doom He finally noticed the body Growing cold, lying on the floor His heartbeat accelerating Fast beating, with a roar He cried, clutching at her torso He sobbed, kissing her long-cold cheek He whispered, “I never meant it, It’s only been a week” “I was going to return Like I always have I just wanted you to learn But now the time has past” Grey eyes surveyed the chaos Grey eyes wept crystal tears Grey eyes were full of longing Grey eyes were full of fear One finger on the trigger One accidental push His heart is slowly stopping Emotions in a rush R&R
If you could have picked a better line than "her brain had turned to mush" it would be brilliant. That line sorta ruined it for me. Other than that I'm in love with this. Very deep, very tragic. Maybe fix the line...please?
There....Emotions in a rush replacing her brain has turned to mush. How's that? If you want me to change it again ... I can do it, lol. Hope you enjoy.
WOW Amazing work, just totally and utterly amazing. And i am also glad you changed the line 'her brain has turned to mush'. That was the only thing ruining it. Now it is the dictionary meaning of perfection. Great stuff. Keep it up. Have a lot to live up to now
Thanks, all of you. I was mostly on a one-way track when I wrote that line, just wanted to get that part over with and continue the story.
Agreed! When i read it the first time you showed it to me, I just woke up so forgive my ignorance. This is radioactive! I like Shut up the best then comes this one. (Very hard to chose which one I liked better)