Blue, Serene

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by The Emptiness Machine, Oct 13, 2009.

  1. #1
    The Emptiness Machine

    The Emptiness Machine Out of the abyss. LPA Über VIP

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    These may be cliche but they're two short poems that I felt contrast each other pretty well, so here they are.

    Blue

    Solitude and I stared at the water
    She was silent and I didn't push her.
    We looked at the sky through a reflection in a pond
    I wished to die but stared silently on
    I threw a quarter into that blue
    and heard the splash and saw ripples too
    imagined the blade of one keen knife
    conundrum brought on by one melancholy life
    In that sky, a dull starlit display
    had taunted me as I sat waiting for day
    Tired, I jumped in, clothes and all
    into a mirror of deceptive jigsaw
    I fought back tears that fell in hollow streams
    And from my depression, by death I'm redeemed


    ------
    Serene

    Rose petals fall down silently
    and then are lifted back up in a breeze
    to be carried away in the distance
    like a kiss upon the wind

    There's a whisper in my heart
    a chillingly murmur of conscience
    thats coveted with ebony bristles and brush
    shining brightly like the moon in the nights horizon

    These dark orange skies above me
    sway with compassion
    and pull me into their wideness
    like a kiss upon the wind
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2009
  2. #2
    TRANSLYDE

    TRANSLYDE Well-Known Member

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    Did you mean to rhyme the first one? Because I didn't even notice the rhyme scheme until "knife" and "life," and then found myself cycling through the poem looking for all the rhymes.

    I'll have to continue this review later. The girl my poem is based on just came and went, and now I can't concentrate. Remind me that I have to give this another look.
     

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