Dear Joe I have come to a conclusion that from now on, I am going watch Lie to Me and think of the horrible but hilarious stuff you said about my thoughts on a threesome with Lady Gaga, Tim Roth and myself. I was watching it today, for the millionth time, the pilot episode, and thought to myself "Oh dear God I cannot recover from that conversation in that shoutbox today". I do not share Tim Roth or Lady Gaga (shut up Jesse when you read this ). That conversation to date has got to be one of the most twisted and most freakiest thing that the English vocabulary can ever create. First it was Tim Roth on my phone as posing as deftonesfan whom I was trying to stop my partner from getting jealous over nothing and then it went onto Tim Roth's sex scene with Lady Gaga on the porno tape saying nothing but "STOP LYING TO ME! YOU'RE STILL LYING TO ME". My Google chrome has picked up that your version of "lieing" is misspelled by the way. I thought I might want to add that randomly to the point of this letter. I hope you are happy now, the red member, no wait, you're an administrator, OH SHIT! Now I have more of a reason to be scared of you. You're still the person that has made me look differently to my newest favourite obsession. I hope for the people that witnessed/read the shoutbox conversation my time morning will forget about what was said. Poor Jen, Keaton and deftonesfan I've tainted an innocent bucket of souls. Wait? Is innocent the right word in that sentence? Nevermind. This is a letter is to you! And for a side note, I don't care if my boyfriend runs away with Lady Gaga STILL! Tim Roth is not deftonesfan in the long run, he's Mr Orange to you and he's Cal Lightman to me. Enjoy this open letter. Yours Ali Ali Alejandro.
Sorry, Gaga is not obtainable for you. Not as long as I exist. Which, if I did not, she would be greatly devastated. And as for Tim Roth, he's no Jared Padalecki, so sadly he is a much lesser being. Also, I must say I'm somewhat disappointed. How am I suppose to get enjoyment out of stealing a letter to Joe and opening/reading it for future blackmail if it is already an open letter? Ma'am, you have done me a great disservice. Still, at least I have the chance to prove that I cannot be silenced, this open letter further gives weight to my correctness, no, it can not be called a belief because I know I am correct in every sense of the word. And I'm an arrogant asshole, so I make it out that I'm always correct. Now I have to be off, I've to convince Tim Roth to engage in a dinner arrangement with me, Karren Gillan, Jared and Emma Watson, which shouldn't be too hard, since I'm me. [/slightly vague sadistic reply via Jesse]
I forgot to add what some would call "Blasphemy" Tim Roth is a dirty old man. It's true, we're pals so I can talk about him.
The innocent bucket of souls part made me giggle. Me and innocent? Are you sure you really know me Sarah?
Wait, what? So here I am innocently browsing the LPA Index when I notice the last thread posted in was [Dear Joe] An Open Letter. So I think to myself confused, hmm, what is this? Why is my name on the topic of a forum? Could this be an internet meme I am unfamiliar with? Then I notice Sarah posted it. Then it quickly dawns on me what this is about. Then I am back to being confused, haha. I think we all know that what is said in the shoutbox should never be repeated outside of that medium, haha. I mean, I'm flattered I have influenced and disrupted your life to such an extent that you felt the need to openly write to me about it, showcasing my twisted sense of humour in public. However I should kindly remind the members viewing this thread that Sarah fails to have left out details of hiding her boyfriends video games from him, which we can all agree is far more twisted than my sexual allegations towards your fantasy relationships. Not to mention the "20 guys" you have "kicked in the balls", I actually fear for Tim Roth's baby makers at this point... and Lady Gaga's. So thank you, Sarah. I have noted all your points and am honoured I have effected you in this way. Feel free to converse with me in the shoutbox some more, where the rules are always pushed but never broken. Yours, *insert really bad song here*
Jesse - HA! No blackmailing from now on I take it? Since it being an open letter you cannot hold anything against me for future references. I believe Tim Roth didn't go to that dinner arrangement as he was stuck in time as Mr Orange in Joe's post, so tell me how that went, will you? And I also believe that Gaga will no longer be unattainable for you as she is stuck in my signature. Jen - Like I said, "innocent" wasn't the right word to be used in that sort of context. *flips through the dictionary and looks up* there's a shit load of adjectives in the dictionary though to describe that sort of behaviour here, whilst maintaining the all ages rule on LPA. Also kudos, to what you did to your ex boyfriend. You've done what probably half the female population of the world haven't done but were thinking it. Joe - I'm glad I have provoked a reaction out of you as well amongst the oh so confused members that didn't bear witness to that conversation in that java/flash application we know as the Shout Box. Always brings a sadistic Jesse-stylised smile to my face to read about the game stealing and the ball kicking, which is apparently worse on LPA than trolling and being a teenie. Tim Roth doesn't lie to me so his baby making ability is maxed out - but I fear for his console games in the long run. I have a habit of accidentally scratching them as well. I see also you have reiterated your/Keaton's point about Rothy being Mr Orange. I also have to reiterate my point as well: [Insert digital signature here] Yours Sincerely Alejandro
Of course I knew that I would get this response but to counter your argument, don't you think I was smart enough to dispatch celebrity doubles of the highest quality to take the place of all of your beloved obsessions? So while you and Joe may have been chilling with a Gaga and Roth impostor I was out dining and later having a good couple of drinks with the real deal. Don't feel too bad though, those doubles are quite convincing. If you give me good reason, I may just put a good word in for you to Mr. Roth. And by good, I mean sending me all of your "Secret" letters you've wrote to Joe and Roth yet have been to nervous to send. *Sadistic blackmail smiley*
I believe you have the hots for Gillian, as seen in that picture I posted of Dr Cal Lightman (Not Mr Orange thank you everyone else), am I to be mistaken? If that be the case, I'll show Emma Watson your stash of pornography lodged in embedded files on your computer's harddrive. And don't try to deny such an accusation, your mother told me so. She found it one day and contacted me as soon as possible, displaying nothing but utter disgrace. You can try to damage my 'relationship' with Roth all you want, but in the end he'll just say "STOP LYING TO ME! YOU'RE LYING TO ME STILL JESSE!". And if that be the case of fake duplicates of such an atrocity of nature/the internetz, tell me how your dinner went. Did Roth make snide remarks about your lack of politeness and did Gaga stick her finger up at you and walked away, tipping the table upside down before she left the scene? I would think so.
I have little to truly add but suffice to say, this thread has made my day. Thanks for the bit of humor.
No doubt you're wondering why it took me such a long time to respond, even though the reason couldn't be any more obvious. I was laughing, yes at the absurdity of the things that go through your mind, but it makes you feel closer to your obsessions, be my guest . Btw our time was WELL spent - thank you very much! But as promised I did put in a good word for you to Mr. Roth. No, not the Orange alter ego. Well if you would excuse me for a second? *ahem* sorry, I guess I still had a bit of the stifles to get out of the way. But I really have to go now, you know, these amazing pictures of the fun that was had won't develop themselves! I'd show you them but unfortunately there was this confidentiality agreement.. who knew!?