Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

I can gladly say that i'm now officially over him. After crying because of him last night it hit me how bad shit was. I can't believe how foolish i've been all this time waiting for something to happen between us, when he didn't even bother. I don't even know why i didn't want to be with anyone else but him, when a dozen other guys were dying to get noticed by me. I now and only now know it's been nothing but a big waste of time. It's a shame, but i'm moving on with my life and forgetting about this, and him. I'm not yet ready for a relationship at the moment, though. But that's alright, i like being single. And it feels great

 

I'm glad you feel ok dear!! [hug....heheheeee!]

 

Only because i'm in a good mood, i'm gunna pretend i didn't see that last part of your post

Thanks, girl

 

It's nice to see someone feel as if they broke through a boundry or whatever was holding them back.


It goes out to you that I'm pretty glad you're over some guy!

 

Yes, yes it is. Thanks you, maverik

 

He choked you and you got arrested? WTF is the matter with that picture? That's just beyond ridiculous.

 

I don't know why I expect more from people, I always get let down everytime by different people in every single way possible.

 

What's up, sweetie?

--

Ugh, I feel pretty shitty, to be honest. I feel kinda feverish, my throad hurts, and I'm feeling pain around my collar bone and wicked tension in my shoulders. I just want to stay home and catch up on work, but I'm afraid that will throw me even further behind.

 

Hope you feel better love.

-----------------------------

She told me that if she hadn't met her boyfriend, she'd be with me. Why the fuck would you actually tell me that?

 

I hope you feel better, darling. Take care.

Not much. I just get irritated at the fact that I really expect too much out of the people around me sometimes. The other night when I called you, I think it was Saturday night maybe, I just wasn't having fun. I was with her, in which she ended up taking me to go food shopping with her and then we went and picked up one of her friends and went to a diner, where she really pissed me off, and then Wal-Mart.

The reason why she pissed me off was because she ordered me food when I didn't want any, and then wouldn't let me help pay for it. Earlier (before she had picked me up), she said she was hungry and asked to go out, but I had told her I didn't have any cash so I was making something to eat at home. She said she would pay my way since I did a few times for her before, and I told her that wasn't necessary. She came and got me anyway, I went to the store with her, and then she was gonna take me home when I thought we were still gonna go to the diner, just a misunderstanding. So that's how I ended up with her, her friend, and the LSU game at a diner.

I must've told her 5 times I didn't want anything, just a drink. She endup up ordering me a hige appetizer and then paying for it and wouldn't take what little money I had on me. I know she was just trying to be nice, but she should know by now that when I don't want something the first time, I don't want it at all. I hate it when people buy things for me, weather it's dinner or a random gift, I'll get mad. It's just the way I am, and she knows that. I don't know, it was just a bad night. I didn't want to be home, things have been stressing me out lately with work and a possible big layoff in January, and I thought being around her would brighten my mood like it usually does, but it didn't. Maybe I should have been by myself, but I didn't want to be alone, either. I don't know. I ended up walking home.

And shit, she has a boyfriend. I understand hanging out with me and doing things is what friends are supposed to do, but me and her have a past of almost going out like 3 or 4 times. Why would you take me with you to go grocery shopping, among other things that you should be doing with your boyfriend? Oh, because her boyfriend is a loser. it just doesn't make any sense, and I haven't talked to her at all yesterday because I just needed a break to clear my fucking mind.

Plus, I haven't heard from my best friend lately, maybe once in the last 7 days. I have called him almost everyday to no answer. It's ridiculous, I know you have college and a part time job, but it takes no more than a 5-minute conversation with you to see how things are going and to see how my boy is doing to make me happy. He doesn't get it, I swear. We'll go 2-3 weeks without talking or hanging out because "shit gets busy". I understand shit gets tight, but come on. Then when I get on his ass about it, he'll talk to me almost everyday until it wears off into another week or so without any contact. This shit goes in phases, and I'm tired of it.

Hope that makes sense.

That's pretty fucked up, man. That's probably the worst thing to say to somebody. I had that said to me once, so I know how you feel.

 

Man that is pretty shitty. Seems like we don't have much luck with our girl-mates, eh?


It's worse since she's one of my best friends, and I actually get along pretty well with her boyfriend. So it's weird as. Thanks though.

 

Not a problem, any time.

I just take the ...be as nice as possible, and don't get mad at things that you shouldn't approach. I mean, she's told me she has feelings for me on a few occasions, right to me face, but something always got in the way. Weather it was her parents, I didn't want to because of someone else, or because I was too worried of what others might think, because my close friends around me didn't particularly like her at those times, and still really don't. I kick me every day.

I dunno, the sun will riase and fall just like every other day.

And I totally like the way you edited my post, .

 

Yeah life goes on I suppose. We seem to have been in a lot of similar situations.


And yeah, I know I have trouble reading posts when there are multiple long quotes, so I took the liberty of making some changes.

 

I haven't seen my family in 3 months. Today I found out it'll take another 8 months before I can visit them. So I won't see any of them in almost 1 year.

Thanks Disney.

 

@Marj:


I spend way too much time on here.

 

Yay for today being a relatively good day. I got me 100% in World Culture and Valentine got his 80%. Our other classmates, who refused to help us with the huge amount of work involved in organising a concert and hosting it, didn't get anything, and they have to write some reports or whatever by next week. Is it wrong to feel all vindictive and the like? Although there's really no point in asking. I don't feel vindicated, I don't really care. I feel kind of numb. It's pretty cool.

 

Facebook?

 

On the last bit, I TOTALLY hear ya on that. Totally. Me and Josh actually recently talked about that...it was actually Saturday night, when you called me and I mentioned that Josh was being a jerk. After our argument, which I'll explain after this, he said "well you could have called me' and I said, "Yeah, well, it was YOUR turn to call ME. I tried texting you and calling you a few times, but I never heard back from you. And I'm not going to always be teh one crawling to you, so I wait on YOU to call me once you finally find a minute to call me or think to call me." So yeah, anytime that something like that has happened, he would call me and be good for a good few weeks and then he wouldn't call as much again. Right now he's being good. We'll see how it goes. But, basically, a few weeks ago me and a bunch of friends from work were going to to go this Haunted House thing and then stay at my manager's house and get drunk. Josh wasn't happy with the idea, so I told him that I would NOT go. But Saturday, we were just going to go to the Haunted House, and I was leaving by 8 pm (as I told you, I have to be by 9.) So, he calls me, and I tell him what I'm doing and he kinda freaks out. Basically because, I said I was doing one thing, more like NOT doing one thing, and then I turn around and do what I said I wouldn't. He took it pretty personally. He doesn't trust my work friends, which seriously, I know they're good people. Plus he still has thoughts in his mind about last time I got drunk with all of them because I get touchy when I'm drunk and he's afraid that something happened, whether intentionally or not. I told him that I'm positive that nothing happened, but, hey, I was drunk.

So anyway, for a good 45 minutes we were fighting this out, and it was ridiculous. I was like, "Josh, they are my friends. I NEVER go out, what the hell is the problem? Tell me HONESTLY what's really getting to you here." And he was like, "Fine, you wanna know what it really is? When I was your age, and I started driving, and feeling like I had more freedom, it started out with me going out once or twice, and getting drunk once or twice, and then I turned into a completely different person. I see you heading down a great path, you're so smart with so much potential and I see you doing what I did, and I messed up..." So yeah, basically, he sees that I'm on the path to messing up and that was freaking him out. In my defense...I wanted to hang out for an evening. So yeah. We were eventually able to work through that. The bottom line is that he wants to know where I am, what I'm doing and who I'm with, not to be a parent but to know that I'm safe and with people who will make sure that I come back to him always in one piece.

Then last night, he came to the Aerodrome end-of-the-year banquet, and when we were getting ready to go there, I was wearing this cute tan, pleated skirt, and he made a comment that it looked like something his grandmother would wear. Basically, I kinda freaked out on him, not because of the skirt, but little things that he has said in the past. I was like, "Great, so, you don't like my legs, I'm not thin enough, you don't like my hair, and now you don't like my skirt. That makes me feel freaking awesome about myself." And then he got upset like, "How many times have I told you that I love you for who you are, and I think that you're beautiful?" And I just kinda scoffed and then he said, "What the hell is going on with us? I'm sick of this fucking fighting." And I was just like, "You of all people should know that I'm not that confident in myself! Why the hell do you think I've been so obsessed with losing weight? And it's NOT working because of that goddamned pill." Again he told me I was beautiful and that I didn't need to lose weight etc. And then he hugged me and was all quiet for a while, and then he looked at me and was like, "The real reason I've been upset with you so easily, when you want to go out with your friends and everything is because I see you changing. I don't see the innocent, sweet girl that I fell in love with a year ago. Never once would you make a sexual joke with someone at work, or touch anyone else, which I saw you do at least twice today. I've just been seeing you change into a different person from the beginning of the summer and it's freaking me out. Last year, you never would drink, unless it was a White Russian that your mom made for you, minus the vodka, and then now you just got drunk a few weeks ago and you were planning to do it again a few weeks after that. You would never have done that a year ago." He was in tears. What was I supposed to say? Yeah, I know that I'm changing, everyone does. I'm just not in a little shell anymore. What I ended up saying was..."I don't know. I'm still the same me, the real me with you. I just act differently around different people." And he said, " I think it's really important that you show the Arlene that I know, because you're the sweetest person that I know and everyone should see the you that I see."

So yeah, that was fun, too. I suppose fighting these things out does help. I know what he's thinking about things, he's been actually opening up to me, which isn't characteristic of Josh. Some people might look at all that shit and be like 'wtf why do you put up with that?' but it makes sense to me.


Mike, about your thing with that girl...she's just..I don't know. Really leading you on. And I hear ya about her trying to pay for you, lol, I've done that to Josh, like wanted to order him some fancy chocolate because he loves it and I kept pestering him about it, haha, and he was like "NO!" Girls don't get it sometimes. We just want to be generous. But I think that it's important for a girl to pay for things sometimes, but not all the time. I mean, you guys aren't together, but if you go out regularly, I would let her pay for part of it at least, once in a while. I'm also trying to analyze what her motive is in doing this. I mean, yeah she has a sucky relationship, so as I said a few days ago maybe she's just trying to get whatever she's not getting from her relationship from you. I dunno. And yeah, taking you grocery shopping and all those little petty, boring stops, that's a boyfriend thing, lol. I wouldn't take a good friend grocery shopping with me, I would drag Josh along. Anyway...I might give you a call later, depending on how late I'm up and stuff.

And thanks for the well wishes, Mike and Daniel.I ended up not going to school today.

 

I could be wrong, Arlene, and I'm usually wrong, but it sounds like Josh is jealous. There's no other explanation for it. I think he's jealous because he seems to be exactly like I was when I was with my second girlfriend. Whenever she'd go and do something where I wasn't involved, I got extremely jealous, not because of who she was with or what she was doing, but because I was jealous I wasn't with her. It sounds really stupid, but it's true. I never told her that's what the problem was, because I didn't know it at the time, but looking back on it, that's exactly what it was. Whether that's what the situation with Josh is or not, you'll only find out by asking him. When I first started dating her, she never did any of the things she'd do by the time we'd broken up for good more than a year later. You're right, people change, whether it's for the better or for the worse. In most cases, it's for the better, and it's because you're coming out of your shell, like I think you said. That's what happened with her, and that's what it seems like is happening with you. Josh is afraid because you're not the same person he fell in love with a year ago, just like my girlfriend wasn't the same girl I'd fallen in love with a year and a half earlier. He's just being protective, although it's a jealous kind of protective, just how it was with me. He's got your best interests at heart, he's just not expressing that the right way, you know what I mean? As for the whole skirt thing, that's just weird. He probably could've told you he didn't like it in a more tactful manner, but he said what he said and it's done. I don't know him to judge him on something like that. But I hope things work out for you, lady. <3