Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

I'm in a horrible rut. Sometimes, all I want is just one day to myself where my mom doesn't bitch at me, and I can actually feel good about how I look. And hear it from everyone.

I'm lucky if I get an "oh that's a cute shirt".

My self esteem blows.

 

omfg, less than a week.

 

No need to worry...
i wish i know what to do right now.

 

what's the matter?

 

Feel like a failure. That I'm not good enough for her. Like I'm Inadequate.

 

My dad's doctors ruled out cancer because it'd have should up on almost all of the tests he's had done. He's going in in about a half an hour to have a colonoscopy done to see if there's a problem there. The doctors are all at a loss as to what's causing the pain in his abdomen. They've got absolutely no idea and they've got no leads to what it might be either. The only thing they can think of at this point is that he's got a pinched nerve somewhere and he's getting what's called "reference pain" from it.

 

I hate my sister.

 

Fuck her mum. Seriously, what a bitch.

 

I got so fucking drunk the other night while playing a game called Kings with about 5 other friends. Oh my God, the shit that happened I thought never would have, and especially the things that I did would be out of the question if I were sober. I don't regret anything though. My entire face was numb and I don't remember much, just the important events is all I remember, and that's all that counts.

The 5 of us went through almost 50 bottles/cans of beer/liquor, a half bottle of Smirnoff Vanilla triple-distilled vodka and a half bottle of vodka called Hypnautic (the shit is BLUE!), courtesy of me chugging both, all in about 6 hours.

It. Was. So. Much. Fun.

I needed that.

 

Who thought staying friends would be so much harder than Letting Go completely

But I think I can handle getting over her by staying friends, We're about over that hill and If we do make it. I will feel I really accomplished something.

I think I also gained some self-esteem back, A friend of mine was having a really rough day and then her boyfriend breaks up with her. So, I decided to try and cheer her up, first it started out just talking to her normally, Giving small advice not like YOU'LL BE OKAY, HE'S AND ASSHAT! I told her it's okay to cry if she needs to (Which she did after I told her, I guess she was holdin back) But it somehow got onto, I said sorry for not talking because I had started messing around on my Acoustic, Then she wanted to hear some of the covers I had learned Sometime soon...SOO...Microhphone - ACTIVATED!
I had covered Plays Pretty For Baby by Zolof The Rock & Roll Destroyer before and she fucking LOVES that song I guess so I did Baby Girl first, then Plays Pretty, And I replaced a girls name in the lyrics with hers So that made her Asplode with happiness.

I probably didn't need to say all that but It makes me feel a shit ton better about myself if I know I can still help my friends out when they're down, That I can get something good out of the one skill I'm kinda good at (Guitar), other than Video Games

 

All my friends are leaving for school again in a week. This summer went by way too fast.

 

Big argument with Jen on Monday and from now on I don't care about the whole situation anymore. If she wants to be friends then fine, if not then also fine. She's such a fucking hypocrite.

 

There's this girl (not that one) and even though I don't really have anything against her I really don't want to talk to her right now. I feel nasty trying to ignore her considering she seems to like me quite a lot but I honestly don't feel like making any contact with her, but I find myself just giving in, probably out of guilt.