Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

Maybe I'm just being selfish, or too expectant....but I was kind of expecting more than a "wow, it's really pretty" and a cursory hug.

Love sucks when you don't know if they love you back.

 

Oh shit no, now this is embarassing...

 

So pretty much, ballet recently is just too much for me. I've always enjoyed ballet, and it's always been fun, but now I'm to a point with my training that it's not fun anymore. And I found that I don't enjoy it anymore, at all. It's something that I feel I'm forced to do, because my teacher has done SO much for me, which I appreciate, but I feel completley trapped there. I'm there every day of the week, minus Wednesday and Sunday, for hours at a time. The classes are hard, and grueling, and I get frustrated enough that I'm reduced to tears practically every class. And since I'm always there, I don't have time to do things that I want to do, and I just feel so trapped and I've reached a point that I've got to drop something. I'm just too stressed out with everything recently. Pretty much, the only reason I've kept with ballet so long is because people expect me to. And I've been okay with that, but recently, it just feels like 'enough is enough.' I talked to my dad about it, and he thinks that I should talk to my teacher, maybe just drop a few classes and continue assisting teaching, because I enjoy helping teach. And that sounds good to me, I'm just afraid of everyone's reactions, because I'm just expected to do so much when it comes to ballet. *sigh* Anyway, I feel slightly better after getting that out.

 

I am just so effing sad.

 

All I can say is do what YOU wanna do and do what YOU think is best FOR YOU.

Hope the helps, dearest dear.

 

what do you do when your mum comes and tells you she wants to leave your dad?

 

You will talk to her and hear her out and respect her decision.

 

I'm kinda stuck in between. It makes sense to do what's best for me, but I talked to Josh, and he paralleled our stories, because he was mastering martial arts, and he said it was SO hard, and he wanted to give up on it, but he didn't. He also said to do what was best for me, but he also said that, "some people things come naturally, others don't. And if you stick with ballet, and master it, everyone will have a higher respect for you as a person, as well as a dancer." So, I'm kinda like, stuck. Both of you have good advice. And my parents said they would stick by my side with whatever I do. So, still lost.
But thank you, dear. <3

 

I hate when it's someone's birthday and they're having a bad day and I can't do anything about it.

I should've given her her gift this morning. Maybe it would've made her day a little better.

 

I feel burned out. Fuck, dude.

 

I've been like a secret voyeur to the world, making up life stories as people pass. It made me realize that I really want to complete my goal, which is to impact as many lives as I can. Daunting, and pretentious possibly, but I don't care.

I want to help people enjoy life as it should be enjoyed.

Not really much of a letting out, but I wanted to say it.

 

For just once, I want my family to accept me for who I am.

 

Family should be where most of your heart is. I'm sure they do accept you, but show it in different ways. But then again, I never met your family.

 

Fuck, I'm depressed.

 

Yeah.. I Know depresssion.

 

God she was beautiful last night.
And she was with me.

 

I'm feeling a bit blown off at the moment. My bf said he needed to get home early so that he could do some assignments that are due for tomorrow. I come online and he is like 'sorry if I don't respond btw, I am playing a game.'
So just to make it easy to understand than my explaining I shall ctrl+v the convo from MSN in.....
Steve says (17:57):
i will be playing games btw so sorrry if i dont respond
Joeykat says (19:19):
if you have assignments to do... why you playing games
Steve says (19:37):
cuz i cba lol, and jons assignment takes like 5 minutes with some crayons, its not too demanding
Joeykat says (19:39):
but you left me to get home early so you could do assignments
Joeykat says (19:48):
and if it wont take long, why not do it now, get it out of the way and then play games
Steve says (19:50):
i am guessing the hyperness has worn off and now the nagging begins lol
Steve says (19:51):
i didnt "leave" you, theres no need to put it in such a harsh way
Steve says (19:52):
the reality was that if i stay then you will eventually go and i am on my own, thus i guess that means you left me no? however if i left then, i will not be alone and have my friends to walk with and you will have your friends considering they were with you

(reality is, all our friends had left at the same time so I was on my own when he left)

But yeh, sorry if this sounds like a pointless post but I had to get it off my chest and also the fact that I have only seen him for barely 2 hours all week (15 mins yesterday {He left early without saying goodbye} and hardly anything today due to a stupid college fun day screwing up timetable etc). But the fact that he called me a nag and then has told me to chill (not quoted) Not making me feel any happier.

 

Oh, Daniel. I wish I could do more than just give you cyber hugs and "it'll get better"'s.

But that's all I can do. <33 You know I'm always here for you dear. <3

 

I know, and trust me honey, that helps more than you know. The only person who can REALLY help me at the moment is me. I guess I'll just work it out in due time.

Thank you <3