please comment --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Am I the doctor or the dealer?: I've shattered my teeth, biting my way through to you Now that I'm here, you fear not even my anger, for my fangs are no longer the pins The needles you could not refuse and eventhough you felt better than ever, you felt sick In some way, I suppose they disgusted you But hey, that's okay You took my word Well, actually, you were forcefed, what I had to offer But who really cares about the details, when we're this high? The colors are blurred, the air is cool and the world below is spinning slower, slower...slow-er... Wake up. You're back home in your bed You're lucky you didn't get sent back dead or are you? Open your eyes. You're back home in my arms You're damn lucky I've done you no harm or have I? Now lay your head back down to rest... and ignore my sharpened teeth, sinking into your scalp And just remember, you won't wake up again, if you cry for help.
I'd say you were the vampire that snuck up on a lonely victim while they were sleeping. BUT!! that's just how I view this poem. It's good. You're talented.
You're back home in your bed You're lucky you didn't get sent back dead That bit sounds extremely contrived. Other than that, fine effort.
hmm...I don' quite understand why you would think that, since this piece is absolutely sincere. those two lines more than the others, to be honest. but hey, that's your opinion. thank you both for feedback