Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

Ori, that's horrible, I hope he'll be better soon.


So today we went to this responsible drivers thing.
First of all none of our teachers showed up and so we wanted to leave but we decided to go with the other school anyways...
It was terribly boring, but we still had some laughs.
On another note, being around her made me remember all those things I used to feel. She's perfect and I know I will think that for the rest of my life, but she couldn't be more out of my league. Truth is I think we could bring out the best in each other, but then again she's seeing someone now and I know I wouldn't stand a chance either way.
Still her views on life and mine are exactly the same, I worry about the same stuff, think about the same stuff, laugh at the same time she does... it's hard to be around her and see all that (while she doesn't?)
Ugh, we've got such a history of not talking, it's killing me. I remember what happened that first year?

@Marj: I know that feeling, I've had it for the last few weeks too, it's weird and confusing.

 

If you can avoid it, don't fucking order from Merchnow. They ordering system is complete bullshit. First, I preorder the Coheed and Cambria album a month ago (the day preorders started) and I complete the order, they charge my credit card. NOTHING is emailed to me to confirm anything.

Now, the album shipped out on October 18th but still, I have nothing. People were receiving theirs on Thursday the 18th and someone that lives 20 minutes from me got his on Saturday! Still, I got no email to say it was sent out. THEN I'm forced to register on this support site in order to create a ticket and I put the ticket as High Priority and I still have no reply an hour later.

They are extremely fucking difficult to work with. Fuck this.

 

I'm more than sure I like her a lot more than I thought I did. That also means I like her a lot more than I probably should.

Maybe I should hire a hit man to have her boyfriend iced.

... I can't believe I said that.

 

I don't get why everybody in school thinks I'm a psycho. It's really starting to bother me actually...I'm definitely not. People think I'm the kid who ''Is gonna shoot up the school'' or is ''Creepy'' just because I'm shy and quiet a lot and also because I wear Linkin Park stuff all the time. I hate how people stereotype like that....it pisses me off. I'm a good person, I've never even been in a fight at school, so I don't know why everyone think I'm going to shoot up the school. People in my class are paranoid because they were reading something online that talked about how the quiet loner always does that. I hate that. I'm not like that, I have never thought about it until now that they brought it up, so what the fuck? I hate people sometimes...

 

Her name is Monica.

 

Yeah, I've had similar things. You've probably already been told this but they should come around to you being a good person, and if any of them don't they aren't worth a shit.

 

Fuck, can't she mistakenly fall into a hole, and have me bury her by mistake?

 

WHY CAN'T SHE JUST FRICKING APOLOGIZE AND ADMIT THAT SHE WAS WRONG! INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR WEEKS AND WEEKS! FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKZZ

Literally breaking apart on the inside.

 

You found out!
Did you talk to her or what?

*sigh* Apparently I spent all lunchtime today just starting at her. I didn't even realise.
I. Love. Her. So. Fucking. Much.
God damn.

 

Dude, I totally know what that feels like.

Have you talked to her?

 

About how I feel?
Yes, a year ago. She felt the same, but I missed the opportunity basically, and she moved on.
Yea I'm a dumbass

Talk to her normally? Yea, every day.

 

Hmm... Nah. You've still got the chance! I think... I mean, you do talk to her casually, so you can make your way up on her good list
But I really have no idea about your situation.

That's awesome though, how you can talk to her every day just normally
You love her! That's Great!

You're lucky, like me. I only see her twice a week though. I got to see her today, and Friday again. It's so exciting! She's so awesome - were like best friends!

 

Yea I could have it much worse.


Heaps good that you and her are so close as well.
And even though you don't see each other all the time, I'm willing to bet that you spend that time together really well.

 

We sure do! Thanks

 

Today is our 2 years anniversary. We'll go out to dinner tonight at our favorite Japanese restuarant. It's gonna be nice.

 

aww thats cute Pooky!

on a slightly different note - my toe nail is about to fall off, im kinda in pain a little. gotta take my medication and hope for the best :s

 

hahaha, a friend ask her out of the blue. (i wasn't with him at that moment, but i saw them) pathetic i know but at least i know the name now lol.

 

I hope it will

I'm celebrating my two years on the 31/01

 

What do i do now? i mean i haven't talk to her because my self confidence issues don't let me, i mean i wanna talk to her but this fear of things going wrong don't let me do anything. I would love to change this but it's very hard and i think i can't do it.

I search for her on everything you can think of facebook, myspace, even typing the name of the college and her name on google but i didn't found anything (i swear she's a ghost)

and i knew her name because a friend ask her, i saw that he did it but since i was with him moments before he asked her name i don't know if she saw me or not but i doubt it. anyways i don't know what to do because i KNOW what i should do but it's like even though i know what to do i just CAN'T do it.

for example i know there's nothing wrong with asking her out for cofee or something but i have this damn fear of things going wrong that if that happens i'm just gonna be even more depressed than now.

I fear rejection i don't want to go through that again, but it also kills me that times goes by and i know that Monica is at school the same time that i am and i'm wasting all the opportunities and doing anything.

God i can't take this anymore, girls are a pain in the ass.

 

I hate how I'm going to be 18 next year and my Grandparents still expect me to hang out with them when I have school, a girlfriend, a job, my band and hanging out with my friends to do. What the fuck? Why are they always up my ass?