Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

I can't get a boyfriend.

I don't want a boyfriend right now, but the fact that no one ever asks me out is upsetting me.

Pff.

 

Man. I apologized to my ex girlfriend for some of the things I did, not to get back with her or anything, just to clear my consciousness. Her display picture on MSN was with her new boyfriend though and combining that with talking with her is just driving me mad. I want to talk to someone, as I am feeling so down, but after how much I talked about her before I can't bring it up again to most of my friends...Plus it is 3AM here, so no one is online or anything.

I thought I was strong enough to momentarily talk to her again, but I feel like I'm falling apart already. I hate trying to sleep when surrounded by these thoughts, left alone with them in the dark.

I just feel awful again. I don't want to be with her, but I am so sick of being alone...

 

*hugs* Dude you needed it. Just relax and take it easy. We all have our regrets, but don't let them eat away at you. Write about it, because you know you can.



Well today a friend of mine who works with me told me today that the owner of the resteraunt we work at will sue us for conspiracy, because we plan on quitting for we hate the place. This made no sense, and I will quit soon, and laugh if they try to sue us for finding a better job.

 

Thanks guys, I was pretty shocked aswell, though I don't know her too personally, just by face and name.

Apparently it was a robbery case.

Fucking shit, to kill innocents for money.

 

I have friends from my old school in my high school, but I just feel really lonely at times. I really hope I make some new friends soon. I wish I would just open my damn mouth and say something to someone. Ugh. I know, I know, it's only been two days of classes, but still. I really wanna meet some new people. I guess I should just start talking...starting tomorrow! ok. hopefully, that'll work out.

There's this girl in my gym class and she is annoying! I'm not the only person who thinks she's annoying.

My tech teacher is so boring. I yawned 5 times while he was talking. Seriously. He made us write a one page essay about ourselves and it's not even going to be marked! How is this essay even related to the course? Anyways, I just wrote a page in huge writing and didn't even bother checking my grammar.

@Lauren- Yeah. I totally know how you feel, girl.

 

I know this will sound completely heartless, I'm sick of this Madeline stuff. Come on, she went missing on May 3rd. That's 5 months. Sorry to be the realistic one but she's not coming back. I'm also starting to believe that her parents are milking it. Yes, it would be a traumatic experience, so much so that I extremely doubt anyone would want to constantly talk about it yet her parents haven't shut the fuck up. Also, people tend to be forgetting something major here: IT'S THEIR FAULT. If they wouldn't have left their daughter on her own (which at 4 years old, she shouldn't be) then she wouldn't be missing. Now there are people that say "They should be allowed to leave their child for a while and not have the child taken away" but I think those people need to shut the fuck up and think of it with a little bit of intelligenece... Even if Madeline hadn't been taken from the apartment, countless other things could have happened. I mean, I knew a kid who was 11 who accidently strangled himself to death while his mum literally went next door. It's horrific and yet people still think it's a good idea to leave their children alone. I can't stand it any more. People are being completely stupid and overly sympathetic to her parents.


Rant over and you probably all think I'm a prat now but I had to get that off my chest.

 

Well said and I agree with you 110%

There are thousands of kids who go missing each year so I don't see why these irresponsable people got all this media coverage aswell as a fucking audience with the Pope...fucking ridiculous.


Anyhoo I found out something very strange about my friend Cameron's death. I missed the funeral last week because I didn't get the info of the funeral arrangements in time (which pissed me off to the extreme) but it turns out he wasn't stabbed after all. A few people I know went and asked his family how it happened and each of them declined to say...that seems really weird to me. The latest is that it's believed Cameron had some kind of terminal illness and died in his sleep. However I dunno how anyone would know that if his family havn't disclosed any information.

I'd like to know how it happened because he was my friend and I have a fucking right to know.

 

I am sick of feeling alone. I know that is angsty and emo or whatever, but I don't care. I am just bored and growing more and more miserable.

It just seems like all my friends vanished, and I fear rejection so much it is hard for me to make new ones because I can't approach people.

I want friends and I want a girlfriend. I have neither and this is grating away at me.

 

In the entire summer i was only able to see my girlfriend 4 times, and now i wont' be able to see her again for at least a month after that i can only see her basically every other week or something like that, i still care for her and seriously beleive i'm in love with her and i've put up with this basically ever since we started going out....but now it just feels like i don't see her enough, i see my friends with their girlfriends almost everyday and it feels like crap to not even be able to hug my girlfriend every once in a while, i mean my friends are great and everything but without her things just don't feel right all the time sometimes it just feels like its not worth it to wait and i should just move on instead of keeping a relationship like this but then it'd probably hurt even more to break things off

 

I know how you feel, hun. Just try to meet some new people, talk to the people around you in school or something, and I'm sure you will find someone to socialize with. But I do understand about fearing rejection, I really do, personally I really care what people think of me, what I look like, etc. But just try to get out and meet someone, sounds kinda lame but it can help.

And personally..about meeting someone of the opposite sex, just like..I dunno, I always make eye contact with people. I think that making eye contact or not shows part of someones personality, so say there's a potential girl that you may be interested in, just passing her in the hallway or something, try and make eye contact with her, give her a small smile.

Haha, anyway, [/ramble]. Help at all..? Possibly not?

Anyway, have a hug, dear.


Mcrc- I totally know what you mean, 100%. I worked with my boyfriend, and then he got a better job (I was devestated.) But now I can only see him every 3 weeks, and once October rolls around, I really don't know when I'll be able to see him at all. (My parents don't want me to date so they dont know about him ) And in October, my job ends til June again, and he lives 45 minutes away. But he told me he's willing to wait for me til I'm old enough that my parents can't have a say, and I can drive to see him whenever I want. But as of right now, I keep thinking the same thing, "is it worth it?" But I know that if I break it off that it will hurt soo much more. So I can relate to you, ever want to talk, please, always feel free to PM me, or IM or something. Good luck dear.

 

Thanks. I know I should meet people...my university classes start again on the 10th, so maybe I should just sit beside random people in lectures and try to talk to them. It is just hard...thanks for the reply though

 

I understand, it can be hard to meet people. But ya know, just try your best. Good luck hun, and if you ever need someone to talk to, PM me, always.

 

thanks yea i hope things get better i guess...hope things work out for you guys too

 

I need to vent a little bit...

So the last month for me has been pretty rough. I was enjoying my summer for the first time in years, and even though I was working 45-55 hours a week (I work construction), I was still finding time to have fun with my friends and at least get out and about a few times a week. So one day while working on the job milling a road up I end up taking my shirt off because it was extremely hot that day and burning my entire back and shoulders really badly.

So as we rapped up and headed back to the shop I was putting away some supplies. I was kind of in a hurry because my back was starting to bother me and I wanted to get home and take care of it. So I was putting away some road sign stand and somehow one of the legs swung down and just about chopped off the tip of my thumb (right at the nail). I ran into the secretary and she wrapped it up and had a co-worker run me into the ER. It took them 5 hours to put 5 stitches in and sewed my nail back together (which I didn't know they could do), and 13 needles of whatever just to numb it. In the meantime of all that I ended up having some sort of anxiety attack and they threw me on a heart monitor, which really scared the shit out of me.

So I find out the next day that I was going to be out of work for at least a week, and by this time my sun burn turned into sun poison. So as I ran back and fourth between the doctor, the orthopedic, and the dermatologist, I found out I broke the tip of my thumb where I had lacerated it, had extreme muscle, tendon, and ligament damage and could barely use my thumb at all.

So I rested up. One week turned into two weeks, two weeks turned into three until I finally got put on light duty. Well the bad news about that is my work doesn't really have light duty, so they told me to stay home until after Labor day - a whole month.

I just realized I started every paragraph with "So...". Go me.

Anyway, as me and my dad were coming back from the doctors office and BestBuy (where I bought my first television (50" Samsung)), my dad decides to show off in my mom's 2006 GTO two blocks from home. He lights 'em up and totally loses control and smashes the right front into a pole. The road was a little wet, and he was just being plain stupid. So I call mom up and she starts freaking out and asks me to come get her from work. So I go tell the dickhead cops that I'm walking home to go pick up my mom. The tried to stop me because I was involved in the accident, so i told them I didn't wreck the car so I'm leaving.

I get in my car and come around the block to the accident scene and they stop me and tell em they need the ignition key to the car so they can get it on the rollback and that they wanted to talk to me about the accident. I go home, get the key and give it to them and all of a sudden the cops ask me for my license and registration because my windows in my car were illegal (I said they were dickheads). They didn't have a test-gauge or anything and gave me a warning telling me I have to take off my tint in 5 days or I'm going to get 4 citations/$125 for each window.

My month was totally shit, and my unexpected vacation was piss-poor at best. The cops come by my house every 3-4 days to see if I put my window tint back on or not so they can nail me again. Completely ridiculous. I'm just gonna wait until I move out of town to put them back in. I have since returned to work since Tuesday though, so life is finally looking up.

Sorry that this is so long, .

 

Aw man, Mike. You did indeed have a sucky ass month. Ugh I would go insane if I had to stay at home for a whole MONTH not being able to do anything, and then the goddamn cops get on your ass about your sexy car. Bitches.
But I've already told you, take care of yourself better! But gah I can't imagaine the thumb thing *shivers* Bleghhh, things like that REALLY gross me out.

Haha, anyway, I'm glad things are looking up for you and whatnot, since work started again. And keep your shirt on, sun poison is serious!

 

Sure, I get a little pissy about it at times, but quite seriously...I feel better knowing that I did that last week. Fuck the consequences. What consequences is more like it. Pft, the world doesn't revolve around me thank you.

Ok, go back to your business.

 

I just wanna hold her. Hold her and whisper I love you...

 

I know what you mean! Even though I live in Pakistan, it's big here aswell.
And I watch sky news everyday, and everyday they have some gossipy stuff on it.


Which sucks, realleh.

 

It's getting incredible coverage. It's ridiculous.

And now her mother is a suspect and she is claiming that she's being framed.

Being perfectly honest though, if the family of a child that has mysteriously disappeared suddenly decided to pack up and leave the country they have been searching in for the past 5 months then I'd be very fucking suspicious. Then these people have the audacity to go out and point blame at the Portuguese police? The cheeky fuckers. For one, it wasn't even the Portuguese who did the DNA tests which found Madeline's blood in their apartment, neither was it them that found it IN THE CAR WHICH THE FAMILY WERE USING. Also, with evidence as solid as that, the family have no fucking way of claiming they knew nothing about it... Something is definitely going on in this case and the family have something to do with it. Perhaps an accident occurred in which they believed they could be blamed and so they created a story about the whole thing? Who knows? But something is definitely not adding up.

 

Actually at first I was pretty sympathetic and all, but after going through the whole meeting the pope-world- tour thing, it was pretty blown up.

I can't care anymore. :|