Got Something You Want To Let Out?

I’m pathetic. I’m crying so much nowadays. Frankly speaking, I hate being back, even though I have my friends here in Karachi. But Japan was special. I was independent there. I could go out where I wanted, whenever. Over here I feel so conformed and suppressed. Then there is Musa. I’m so stupid, he said that he loved me and what not, and now he acts like nothing has happened.

And then there is school, everybody expects so much out of me because my brother and sister studied there. And my brother is going to Durham in a couple of days for four years or more. Today my mother says that she wouldn’t let me go abroad to study, even if I could.
I really thought Musa liked me, and I was willing to like him back.
The time spent in Japan, Musa and everything good which happened in July just seems like a dream or something. I just don’t get it I guess. I mean I told him so much about myself, that I feel insecure now. He’s not a bad person, really, but he made me unhappy I guess I need time to adjust. All my appetite has gone. I feel weak mentally and physically. I’m posting this, so that hopefully someone understands. I don’t
.

 

It bothers me so much that I only know 1 person that I can actually hang around with in my school, and if it wasn't for meeting him at registration, I'd be completely fucking lost [not as in direction-wise]. Ugh, this is annoying. I just wish this stage would hurry up and go fuck itself already.

I'm going to guess I'll make most of my friends through band, I can see it happening already. Band kids are always awesome. xD

 

That really does suck Tomi, but you'll find friends soon. Band kids are awesome, but don't make friends with those who think underage drinking and whatnot are "AWWWESOME DUDE!".

 

I'm trying not to.

 

Why do you feel supressed at home, Aisha? And its ok to cry dear. . Youll feel worse if you dont. And dont EVER care about anones expectations, at school, or whatever. Care about yourself more dear, you deserve it. I dont really now what to say about Musa (mainly because I don really knowanything about you're realtionship), but I hope everything goes allright.

 

Every once in a while, I'll see someone I used to like after not seeing them for a long period of time.
When ever that happens, I end up having some feelings for that person come back.
Even though I'm with my girlfriend, some feelings came back for a girl I liked before her after I saw her at the show tonight.
I don't plan on doing anything but these conflicting feelings are fucking bogus.

 

suppressed? conformed?

suppressed? its might be the fact that you could do whatever you wanted without rules and now your subjected to them.


about guys? oh dont worry abot them, most of them are either friendly or complete meanies. you'll get better over time.

=) hey, look around at people, why do they make mistakes? why do they do this more then that? look and study people and it help trains your mind into a stronger thing! a stalker

 

Wow, I'm so stupid to not to check my mail.

 

WowthatsgreatAishalove.

 

yeah, I guess.



Nate, when did this happen?

 

Nate...wow
sorry to hear that man


and Aisha, you should know that I'm a little proud of you <3

 

About 2 weeks ago.

 

I've been very melancholy lately. And I dont really know why. Maybe it has something to do with the changing of the season.

 

I did something and the teachers caught me..............something illegal can't tell you though

 

haha thanks, but why?



Nate I'm sorry, I know what it feels like to commited to find out that it was based on lies (my friends have been through that).

 

Just the way you are dear, also that you said 'no' to that guy who wanted to see you without undies.
<3

 

If you 'hacked' the computers, don't worry, been there, done that. If you were caught masterbating in the library, someone's already done that too.

 

So we found The Papers. Maybe not The Papers, more like research for The Papers, but still.

 

It's official...i've completely lost my sanity.

I'm just sick and tired of feeling like shit all of the god damned time, I swear I think i'm becoming more depressed than ever, and my music isn't helping. I'm losing interest in the things I love to do. I'm tired of being stuck here, i'm tired of loving people who don't love me back the way I want them too. I'm just aggravated with everything and anything going on and I'm afraid I can't do a damn thing to help anybody out. I wanna do something with my life...yet somehow i'm afraid that I won't be accepted like in school. God, just ljpdxjvxopjpodjhpdfohv

[/vent]

 

As much as you probably don't want to hear it, you need to see a professional. I just recently started seeing a psychologist and I've been doing so much better now. It may take medication but if you're open to it then it could really work for you. You have definite symptoms for depression and anxiety, and really should get checked.