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  1. #1
    What's a 'Grey Daze'?
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    31
    heres my newest song, i kind of took a different approach and dont believe it worked out as well as my last couple, please tell me what you think, all replies are greatly appreciated.

    MISREAD

    Should I release the poison into my throat?
    On these tears I donít float
    Here I am drowning
    Counting all the times I was frowning

    Im sick of living this life of pain
    My lifeís like undulating terrain
    Itís pushing me so far
    My hearts as black as tar
    Free from the dead sea of eternity
    And those lies you made me see

    Should I put a gun to my head?
    Im sick of all those things you said
    Tired from the many tears I shed
    All the years Ive had these thoughts in my head

    Im sick of living this life of pain
    My lifeís like undulating terrain
    Itís pushing me so far
    My hearts as black as tar
    Free from the dead sea of perpetuity
    These lies lay with me for infinity

    Should I pull this knife away from my skin?
    The reflection on the blade shows my sin
    So I cut myself deep within my skin
    Not with the knife but with my life

  2. #2
    What's a 'Grey Daze'?
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    31
    bump, i know this isnt a very good song but please still reply and tell me what you think.

  3. #3
    Extremely H! Vltg3
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    HELL, Indiana
    Posts
    713
    Aside from in the last verse, you shoukld say something like cut myself from deep within in stead of using skin. And there were a couple other places you used the same word twice. But other than that, really good. I'm beggining to like your stuff Gazzl-wtf.

  4. #4
    What's a 'Grey Daze'?
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    31
    thanks for your reply linkin theory, and your tips, ill try to write more with more meaningfull lyrics, i just hate deciding what topic to write on, so if anyone has suggestions (has to be a emotional topic but about something bad/sad) anyway i thought you would understand gazza (my name is gary) and lp (come on you should know this one)

  5. #5
    Extremely H! Vltg3
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    HELL, Indiana
    Posts
    713
    Whoa, I made a lot of mistakes in that post.

  6. #6
    What's a 'Grey Daze'?
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    31
    hehe, any ideas on what topic i could write about? right now im going to write one about running away/ ignoring and stuff like that, but i would appreciate ideas for my next song.

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