The Venting Out Thread

Discussion in 'Serious Chat' started by Squish Mitten, Aug 17, 2014.

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  1. #81
    Gibs

    Gibs The Prog Nerd Über Member

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    Every potential relationship I've ever could have had, I was too chicken shit to follow through on them. In two specific instances, I knew for A FACT that each girl was very into me, but due to a combination of my Anti-Social nature, introversion, and overall inexperience with dating, I was too scared to due anything. In each situation, I found a reason why to not try to date these people, when in reality, they were shitty excuses. These issues still persist, and gaining another 25 pounds or so in my Freshmen year of college, leaving me at 260 pounds, really isn't helping my self confidence.
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2014
  2. #82
    TobinKnowsBest

    TobinKnowsBest 20.03.1976 - 20.07.2017 LPA VIP

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    I used to have a big problem too back in the day when it came to making borderline ridiculous excuses for not following through with things, whether it was with people or general life goals. What i do now is every time I tell myself I'm gonna do something, I tell somebody else that I'm gonna do it as well. I guess it kinda works in a way that I don't want them to know I've failed, so I work extra hard to make sure I accomplish what I've told them.

    Not that that really applies to what Gibs fully said, but I thought I'd just throw it out there I guess for anybody interested....
     
  3. #83
    Erica

    Erica Meh LPA Über VIP

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    Lol I don't know! It seems so simple, but I'm such a hot fucking mess that I can't even take the best opportunity I've had in years.
     
  4. #84
    Filip

    Filip god break down the door LPA Contributor

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    Tell yourself to fuck off and do it. It's what I did, and it worked great.
     
  5. #85
    Tim

    Tim My perversion power is accumulating LPA Super Member

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    I'm a bit of an introvert myself, so I can relate to some of you guys. I know it's easier said than done, but sometimes you really just have to get out of your own head and let you your gut do the work. In my experience, a lot of people, not just introverts, get shit scared whenever they try to make something happen with a person they're attracted to. There's a good chance that person you want to talk to feels just as awkward in those situations as you do. You just have to plow right through that shit. Yeah, it sucks to feel rejected, but it doesn't feel nearly as bad as the beating you're going to give yourself after you let a golden opportunity pass.
     
  6. #86
    Sonic

    Sonic Searching for the last Chaos Emerald... LPA Super Member

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    What is it with kids? What is it with parents? I have one child, she is a girl, even though I inherited her from my girlfriend of almost 6 years now, she is mine. I raise and support her. Her father is a non-factor, scum. Anyway, what is it? I know there are still some parents out there that still take care of their fucking business, but most are just fucking clueless and lazy when it comes to raising kids. I hate kids, can't stand to be around them. I have a nephew who just turned 5 that I probably won't ever see again because my family is jacked up, but I couldn't tell you how many times, when I would see him, how much he piss and moaned when he couldn't have his tablet.

    My daughter doesn't own any of that shit. She is almost 9, and the only electronic device she has is a cheap television to watch cartoons a few times a week. Otherwise, she is in the books or playing with toys. I'm convinced that 40% of this new generation doesn't even know what the fuck a toy is, and I mean a real toy. One you could open up your imagination to, which is another thing these brats don't have: a fucking imagination.

    I'm at the point now where everyone around me has kids. A friend of mine has two, 8 & 4, both boys. He's always telling me all his boys do is play videogames and play on an iPad, and if they don't get their way they threaten to kill themselves or some ridiculous shit until they get back what they want. My girlfriends sister has a newborn 1 year old, but her 18 year old ass only has an 8th grade education and not getting a job is her way of life as a "stay at home mom" in the fucking projects. My girlfriend's brother has an 11 year old, and is expecting a newborn boy any day now. I dunno, I just can't help myself to compare. The 11 year old doesn't know shit, home schooled for the last 3 or 4 years, they take her out of that deal and throw her right into 6th grade middle school because all she did was watch YouTube all day, but who's fault is that? It's hard to like people these days. I always tell my daughter that I will never buy her a phone or any of that shit. Her rebuttal is that "well, you have those things" which in turn I inform her that those devices are for adults. And I'm sure some may disagree with that, but once you open a kid to a world of such things you'll never get them out. I fear for the future of society.

    Back to my nephew: I haven't seen him since May, which is when I finally moved out of my parents house. Myself, my girlfriend and our kid were there too, but it all became too much. I never had much of a relationship with my parents except paying them bills, and they haven't been interested in anything I've done in the last 10 years. The reason for all of this is because my nephews parents basically almost got divorced, cheated on each other, argued in front of him, scarred him for life. All of that was brought into our house because my mom couldn't keep her nose out of it, and to make a long story short with too many details, I had to leave. So we did, 2 blocks away. We made this move close to keep our daughter in the same school that she loved so much. When I was her age I was bounced around from school to school and it's not a great thing to deal with, so I didn't want to put her through that. But, once everything has settled, and only 2 blocks away, I maybe have seen my parents 5 times. We don't talk much and they have never come over to visit.

    It hurts, but I guess I just need to keep going and continue to beat to my own drum.

    Sorry for the long post.
     
  7. #87
    lime treacle

    lime treacle You are not alone Über Member

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    Is that legal in America?
     
  8. #88
    travz21

    travz21 Muscle Museum LPA Super Member

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    Thankfully yes. The majority of kids that are homeschooled are much smarter than the average kid in public school.
     
  9. #89
    Sonic

    Sonic Searching for the last Chaos Emerald... LPA Super Member

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    If all goes well and is done right, then this is correct.
     
  10. #90
    Erica

    Erica Meh LPA Über VIP

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    You know what, if you have the IQ of a fucking ape, stay off the god damn self scan. You worthless piece of shit. Seriously, if you don't know how to work it, go have somebody do it for you, just like how you have your mommy wipe your ass for you. Jesus fucking Christ.

    The machine tells these people what to do, they don't do it and get pissed at me when the machine acts up! Keep your bags on the scale dipshit. It tells you not to take them you do it anyways. I have to fucking clear you and you do it again! Go rid the world of your fucking presence! Put us out of your Misery!
     
  11. #91
    TobinKnowsBest

    TobinKnowsBest 20.03.1976 - 20.07.2017 LPA VIP

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    I feel your pain and I don't even work in a store. I'm always the guy in the queue stuck behind a moron screaming that a self-service machine doesn't work
     
  12. #92
    Elaine

    Elaine The One They Call Elaine. LPA VIP

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    Let me get into a real personal note right here. #FirstWorldProblems and all that.

    I see myself as a creative person. I have dreams and desires. But it's a slow crawl to being anywhere near half decent and I feel like it's sucking the life out of me. To the point where I feel like I'm accomplishing nothing with my life and all these struggles with my art, be it music, actual art, animation, writing, or otherwise, are all for naught. Success is rare, and the bar for it is high. I've honestly been reconsidering my decisions to get into the creative sphere because it's so stressful, and it's ruined my enjoyment of the media I cherish so much. Some days, whenever I look at art, the only thing I can think is, "I wish I was as good as that". And that feeling is the absolute worst. It's so self defeating. You feel like you're accomplishing nothing, so you want to work. But when you work, you don't feel any satisfaction from your output and all it does is strengthen the weight upon you.

    I always have issues with everything I output. I've started to build a little confidence in myself, especially in my artwork, but... It just feels so crushing to be a part of ANYTHING and put anything out there but the only way I'll ever improve is by doing that and it feels like by resigning myself to the fact that I always have to improve to be worth a damn, I'm welcoming myself to a life filled with nothing but depression. Depression over my own abilities, depression over my status as not having a social life IRL outside of with my family, and depression over not being able to put out any work I have real faith in. And that's CRUSHING. It's the absolute worst kind of depression, coupled with some... other issues of mine. I feel like in order to feel like I have any real worth as an artist I have to constantly seek approval or disapproval, and I also feel like in doing that, I'm proving to myself that I'm completely unable to have the right thoughts about anything I'm producing.

    I feel like I'm always just at the start of being able to be competent, even though I've been hard at it for over four years. Only recently have I been able to output work that I have at least a LITTLE confidence in, but the caveats are astounding. I'm constantly anxious and self-debating about whether or not I've done the right thing and I never think what I do is anything more than "Good enough, for now". And I feel like there should be something MORE to that. Something more to what I work in. A way to do all of this without feeling depressed 80% of the time. A way to do all of this while having the drive to work at it without procrastinating due to a feeling of constant self-loathing about my perceived lack of ability.

    I have zero confidence in myself so I feel like I have to push my work and see what others think in order to know what to feel at all. As a result, it feels like my voice as an artist is constantly unreliable and entirely fragile. And I HATE that. I loathe it. But I can't change it. I can't change it until I can prove to myself that I can put out something that is worth a damn. But every time I don't, it only increases that anxiety. It's a vicious cycle I can't break out of and sometimes I just don't know what to do anymore.

    It's wreaking havoc on my motivation and it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing nothing with my life, all of my desires are becoming unrealised, I stress over every little detail of what I'm working on, and I can never get it right. And that is the absolute worst.

    But in my heart, I know.

    This is what it is to be an artist.

    This is what beats through the heart of any artist whom expresses themselves through any creative medium. Professional or not.

    And I'm not sure if I'm okay with that. I'm not sure I can cope for so long in order to be able to make anything of it. ... But I'm still going to try.

    Because in the end, I do still find fun in all of this. If I didn't, I'd have given up long ago. Lately, however, it's just all felt like an empty gesture. I feel like I'm in a creative rut and I have to force any work I do. ...I don't know how to break out of that, either. But I will. Eventually. I don't feel like this all of the time. But it's more often than not. And it's irritating. I know I should be better. But I can't.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2014
  13. #93
    polleo

    polleo You're gonna carry that weight. LPA Super Member

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    You're a stronger than I am because I always give up. I give up every time. Okay, I don't want to come off as rude or anything but why do you think you have to prove that you're good at it? It doesn't matter what level your talent is. If it is good enough to not put limits on your creativity, then it doesn't matter what others think you know. Just make something that you would enjoy and you would find interesting if someone else made it :). I used to be the same way about my writing and my sketching. I was pretty depressed actually, I've quit so many creative interesting things I started because I felt I could never get better at it. But that's the wrong perspective I think.

    Even if all you can draw is stick figures, you could make, say an animation out of stick figures that you enjoy. Just have fun doing it and don't care about other's opinions (unless that's your job, I guess). This may sound frustrating but it works. I used to feel like I couldn't draw what I saw in my head. And then, I just changed perspective and I realized after I tried for a while, I could draw what I saw. It wasn't brilliant art but that doesn't matter.

    By the way, I like your music. They may not be the best, but you have interesting ideas. In my opinion :).

    EDIT: Quoting Annie Edison here- "We are not defined by our limitations. We are defined by our potential." It might be a character from a comedy show but godammit, its a good quote.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2014
  14. #94
    travz21

    travz21 Muscle Museum LPA Super Member

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    Elaine, I get in moods sometimes where I feel like I have no skills. Like I've made no progress in years. But in reality I've just gotten used to what I can do and forgot all of the work I've put in to improve myself.

    I started doing music and graphic design stuff very, very, very casually 4 years ago for fun. I've always had a creative desire. In the last year I started taking it a lot more seriously. I put in tons of time learning the various applications and theories. I feel like I know some programs better than 90% of the people that use them professionally. And the other programs that I'm not yet confident in I know I've still learned a lot so far.

    But when I'm hitting a lot of dry spells and can't find any motivation or can't seem to make anything I like, I start forgetting all the hard work I put in. I for some reason think I'm back to square one. Like what I've done was worthless. It's a really bad feeling. The easiest way out of that is by thinking of a person who's truly at square one attempting to do the things that you do. Like one of your friends or your parents. They would have no idea what to do. You are light years ahead of their knowledge in that field. You're way better than you give yourself credit for.

    Putting things in the correct perspective is important when managing your emotions. When we feel like shit there shouldn't be a reason to pile it on ourselves even more. Remember the inspirational projects you've worked on. Remember a time where you were a total noob and compare that to how much you know now. You have the skills to pull off something far greater now than you once did.



    Edit: And regarding approval of others, I really like the feeling when people like what I make. I think all of us are like that. But I don't need that approval to know I'm talented. We all make duds occasionally. On the other hand, a lot of artists don't have the widest audience either. So even if it appears to be a dud, we just might not be connecting to the right audience. It's important to be analytical with our previously released projects and see if there were any things we could have improved or if there are any new techniques we've learned that could have taken it in a totally new direction. Us simply basing the quality of our work on the likes or dislikes and then moving on is really missing a great opportunity for growth. Why is it good? Why is it bad? How could it be better? Going in depth with these questions will make it so we don't totally rely on external feedback while determining our worth as an artist.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2014
  15. #95
    Erica

    Erica Meh LPA Über VIP

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    I feel like I'm in this thread too much :lol: aw well.

    So, I don't really know what I want from my body these days. I guess I'm worried about making to this place in my head and still not feeling whole when I get it. I just don't know where I fall within the gender spectrum. I know I hate my body as it is. The other night it was so bad I couldn't even bare to look at myself in the mirror. I guess maybe I just don't see the possibility of how to obtain the life that I would want. Maybe I don't know what I want. There is definitely indecisiveness over how I see myself. It's like I'm bouncing between loving my flaws and my flaws holding me back. I guess either way I'm kind of compelled to move forward, because if there is one thing I am sure about its that can't stay as I am. I hate being a boy so much. It's just really fucking hard and scary to move forward. I think most of you I'm trans, but for those that don't, surprise.
     
  16. #96
    hawk

    hawk because the internet LPA Super VIP

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    live in this thread if u have to. talking about it is just ... helpful.
     
  17. #97
    limonpower

    limonpower Well-Known Member

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    Hey guys, first thing in this thread so I'm kinda nervous about it.
    Anyway, I've been feeling really down lately. I've been depressed for seven years. From kindergarten to third grade I was the cool kid in school, as in I was genuinely the most popular kid in school and not in the douchebaggy way. In fourth grade, my parents put me in a gifted program that made me switch elementary schools. This made me go from most popular to least popular in literally a day. Being only 9, this was way too much to handle and thus my depression began. I made friends with the weirdos in the gifted program (not trying to sound like a jerk, bit the people were crazy), and eventually made some friends outside of the program. By the end of fifth grade, I had quite a few friends, not a lot, but enough. The problem was that none of them except the ones in the gifted program were going to the same middle school; however, most of the people from my original elementary school were going there, so I felt like I could be a cool kid again. Unfortunately, almost none of the people from elementary school even acknowledged me, and the ones that did were typically bullying me for being in the gifted program (it extends into the middle school as well). Throughout most of the sixth grade I was bullied and had no friends aside from the ones in the program. Luckily, in seventh grade things were starting to look up for me, I started making friends, I got my first girlfriend (but not a kiss unfortunately). My depression had almost faded until my girlfriend broke up with me after three weeks. It's not very long by any means, but for some reason it completely killed my self esteem. I still had write a few good friends though, so that made up for it. But I guess happiness isn't for me because right before my eighth grade year started, my parents decided that the gifted program was crap (they should've figured that out before putting me in it). They decided I should just skip eighth grade. So without my consent (I actually said I wanted to stay in eighth grade), they bumped me to ninth grade. Not being in the same school as the friends I had made caused me to lose touch with them, so I had to start over again. This time I was even more ridiculed by my peers; however, when I say at my lunch table alone on the first day, this guy from my history class came and sat with me. He was really cool in my opinion, so we became pretty close. Unfortunately it turned out he was slightly involved with drugs, and somehow my parents found out and made me abandon my only friend. Throughout the rest of the year, I made a couple friends who were as clean as a whistle (I've never really understood that saying). The next year (sophomore year), I made a few more friends and developed a crush for this girl in my fitness walking class. We talked every day, and she seemed to like me back, but she had a boyfriend (who was a real piece of crap to her). It really seemed like she had a crush on me, and there wasn't really anyone else I was into at the time, so I waited the relationship out. It took a year, so naturally the time it was taking depressed me as well. When they finally broke up, I was ready to make my move, but I figured I should wait a week or two since the relationship lasted over a year. Within that time frame, she got a new boyfriend. Also, her previous boyfriend kind of turned her into a slut. I still had a crush on her though, and I just couldn't (can't) get over her. So that depressed me through the rest of my junior year. In that time frame though, I made a couple new, great friends. Senior (this) year, I still have a crush on that girl and she's still dating the same guy (he's actually a really cool guy, so I don't hate him), and I found out that the friends I made last year started doing weed. At this point, I'd had to rebuild my social life 3 or 4 times, so I didn't want to have to do that again. I decided to pretend I was super into weed as well so I wouldn't have to chance losing more friends. Well the pretending turned real and I got mixed up in some stuff I'm not proud of. My parents randomly decided to go through my phone one day (which they hadn't done in years, so I got lazy with deleting messages), and they found out about the stuff with the weed. My parents are quite conservative, so needless to say, I got grounded. After a couple weeks they ungrounded me, but I was stupid and decided to continue my poor choices but just delete the messages. My dad checked on the Verizon website and discovered I was deleting messages, so I was grounded for another week. Now I am ungrounded technically, but I still have a lot of restrictions. Naturally, this only contributes to my depression.
    I can't really hate my parents for this, they were just trying to do what was best for me; however that doesn't help the fact that I'm just constantly depressed and lonely.

    TL;DR: My parents inadvertently ruined my social life multiple times; I've been depressed for seven years; I got mixed up in drugs; I'm extremely lonely and really just want someone to hold.

    EDIT: Just wanted to add that I've had one friend since the second grade who's always been there for me, but recently it seems like we're drifting apart and just don't have as much fun together as we used to.
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2014
  18. #98
    hawk

    hawk because the internet LPA Super VIP

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    that's heavy. it's hard to put together exactly what i want to say. plus i am on mobile.

    ur parents r clearly trying to protect u, whether or not that's a good thing i don't really know. i find it
    odd that u feel as tho u need to act as tho ur into shit that ur not into. when it comes to friends, the
    true ones r the ones that don't care what ur doing but just appreciate u. u shouldn't have to act different
    to fit in because that's bullshit ...

    don't force urself to be shit ur not. i learnt that shit. lost my best mate this year but fuck i ain't changing
    who i am and getting deeper into shitville just to hang w/ u.

    ur young, just like me, so there is still time. i know it's hard to tell urself that but it's true. just do u. if
    people hate, fuck 'em. u will find ur place eventually. talk to family. talk to us.
     
  19. #99
    limonpower

    limonpower Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, I have been making efforts to clean up my image. It was just a dark time.
     
  20. hawk

    hawk because the internet LPA Super VIP

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    that's cool bro. a lot of people been thru dark shit like that. myself included. don't get
    caught up on it tho. it's part of learning about life.
     
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