Code: HARBOUR you pull tighter, tighter than i ever imagined you could a pressure underneath the skin something's wrong and i want you to talk, i want you to tell me 'cause you have a secret so eager this other life where you wander the harbour at night trying to find whatever can fulfil you and, now, you've found it right here something terrible i'm torn i don't know whether or not to believe you and, either way, i don't know what to do (actually, i know, but ...) this is dangerous. you've never known your limits now, you're out of control i don't want to watch you die you're turning into someone i don't know (you haven't seen me change yet ...) time is tugging at my sleeves and i'm afraid of the consequences before i realise
Code: i thank God that you've kept hidden 'cause God knows what i would've done otherwise guess i've gone too far already. i could've ignored all the signs but, instead, i was so easily lured ensnared (just like in the dreams) so it doesn't really matter now anyway i'm already up against the wall here so i guess you can't scare me anymore
Yes! Trend starter! Now, I know you're thinking "But, Elaine did it first." Well fuck you! In all seriousness I love these. You're a great writer!
Code: T&C's i get the feeling that you didn't give a fuck you just couldn't wait you couldn't help it gripping so hard that it stung and refusing to admit the truth i would've ended this earlier, i would've hunted you down but the pain was stopping me. somehow, you feel betrayed like i'm the one who let you down. still, i know you better than you think and i just need to wait for you to break to see what happens next
While I understand the need for a general purpose thread for all of one members poetry, I really think that stammers critiquing and appreciation of individual new poems if the user desires to become a better writer. With that said, I really enjoy Habour. Great job!
Code: UNCLAIMED i keep reining you in before you can fall off the edge and i know that you're always afraid but i'm running out of reasons to hold on. i don't know when it all went wrong. i don't know whose fault it is, who really messed us up ... and it's probably meaningless to ask now, since we all we have is each other because we just can't seem to grow apart keep on destroying whatever we built still waiting to come up with something useful when, really, we gave up that possibility just so we could wind up here looking back no longer in motion you left me with nothing except the marks are fresh. they cost absolutely nothing. you drew them once without really understanding and, now, they won't ever disappear i can't deal with that permanence. i can only distract myself from it for as long as possible you're a dream gone wrong, a spectre of your former self haunting my every decision and i want to forget you once ... once i find my way out of here but my luck has never held up that well
Code: WE'RE STRANGERS NOW confusion running over my tongue i can feel it sense it coursing through me i can see the world as it spins i remember how you used to blush (it was even more obvious when you tried to hide it) that secret that you used to smile about the one that neither of us could put into words the scent the way it would hit me i can't actually remember it some things just aren't clear but the rush dizzy i told everyone lies about you because i couldn't endure the truth anymore it overwhelms me i told them that we both knew that we both shared the blame that we both acted like mature adults really, i was too much of a coward tension so we're strangers now nothing will ever hurt you the way that it hurts me everything will get better (somewhere other than here) nothing will ever hurt like this i've seen you shaken i saw it once from far away feel so small once, i dreamt about killing you in cold blood not like i meant to it was never going to work guess that these things don't go how everyone imagines i needed things to change so bad but i was too afraid to even look myself in the eye it hurts to admit right now hurts to think i can feel it change - blurring or sharpening over and over i let this run wild naked and head bleeding this is fucking wrong this is all fucking wrong where the fuck is it going? i left it all too late can't make anything out can't get anything right pain faster you're taking too long wake the fuck up get the fuck out of it i don't know anything nothing will ever hurt i wanted to disappear with you without me
Code: PROGRESS BAR i don't know how it is that you make me feel this lost maybe we're just dragging each other deeper without even realising it right now feel like i'm drowning under the weight we're both gonna make it out of here (eventually ...) but how will it change us? i feel like like we're in two different worlds right now; how much further apart could we drift later down the line? i can hear the choirs wailing. they don't fill me with confidence there's no pathos here in what we're trying to do but i just can't stop pretending this is all a big gamble, and more for me than for you. we could lose so, so much after gaining all that ground and, in the end, it might turn out that no-one cares we could conquer the world, piece by piece, and still end up with nothing at the end of it all no evidence nothing to show for all that we lost
Code: MONOTONY tailing you, hoping to find something that i didn't before see something in myself for better or worse some kind of reflection i thought that i'd be calmer now, that i'd be able to jettison all the dead weight, pull you back in towards me and get us all through this mess but nothing has gone to plan so far, has it? we can't go on like this, hoping that everything will carry on in spite of us and that no-one will notice how weak how frail we've become we're just repeating ourselves can't find a way out no way to come to a stop i already know what you'll say, that maybe you're the exception to the rule, but, really, we're all responsible. this is everything that we've ever wanted. static's growing louder. i can feel it taking hold i can feel the guilt starting to ride me out it's addictive and it's terrifying. i need an answer from you. i need all the answers. i need them tomorrow.
Your writing has a really good feel to it. I guess that sounds stupid. How about this- I think you're good at painting a clear picture of what you're trying to convey. If that makes any sense.
Code: CONVULSE this is a dangerous path to be stuck on, and i know that you wish you could just observe it from a safe distance from behind the glass in a way, we'll never truly reach each other, not like we need to ... i feel so damn tired sometimes, without explanation and maybe just because i won't accept one and it's been cold here lately. i woke up shivering this morning dreamt of you in convulsions one day, i could disappear disappear before you get back i think that i could fix this, because i'm just afraid, afraid of what you might think or what you might already be thinking maybe you'd feel less alone; i could take the burden from you take it with me somewhere dark maybe you'd feel less alone
Code: LAPSES i can feel it spinning and i really need to say something but i just can't figure out how i don't remember how to make these spells go away before they start to burn i've run out of things to destroy and you could distract me but you're not here you probably don't exist anymore i watch you repeat all the things that you said except i can't make out the words anymore can't remember if any of them mattered sick and sleepless nothing for me to anchor myself to right now i don't have a gun pressed to my head and i really need one there's something deeply wrong with us. you saw that then, didn't you? i was disadvantaged from the start and i've only made things worse over the years i can't recover from the things that happened that hurt us so insidiously, only pretend to. it wasn't just one mistake but a lengthy chain of them endlessly connected i feel like we really need to forgive each other but i don't even remember what for.
Hey minuteforce, maybe rather than making a new post for each new piece of writing, you could update the OP instead and make a post just to notify people that new material is available? I think that will better enable others to critique and breakdown the strengths and weaknesses of each piece individually which will allow for more beneficial feedback and discussion.
To be completely honest, I'm not really looking for anything to be said about these things; I posted them here to be read and pretty much nothing else.
Code: JUST SAW MY REFLECTION BLINK this is getting kind of serious. a lot of the time, i can't get myself to focus on anything important and, then, whenever i manage, it all just greys out like it never mattered i've forgotten how to revel in things i remember watching you brush past and feeling myself wake up again remembering that something something bad is going to come of this and you won't be there to witness it because you're nobody. you're nothing but a reminder of everything that i could have everything that i could take for myself right now if i was able to lose this feeling if all of this guilt was scratched away everything boiling underneath could emerge and ruin it all alertness control fear of being awake being aware once denial crumbles all of this adrenaline but nothing to destroy it's seeping into me knowing what i could be capable of when the time is right once i gain the strength i'm always ready to leave i need to go with you you know that i can't stay here i know that i'm holding the gun to my own head but no-one's here to goad me into firing so i don't think that there's much point
Code: RAVINE we've been staying up too late but it makes no difference either way. i feel it hit no matter where i am just not hard enough or frequently enough to really count for anything ... so i'm in-between wavelengths that sweet spot that no-one checks and i know that i'm sinking further in really making my mark also, you're right. none of us truly matter to each other, not the way that we claim. we don't care about one another. we only care about ourselves. we're just a bunch of shallow, useless fucks and we say that we deserve better ... but that's just another one of those meaningless stock phrases. i'm not here to help you. this was never about you. i just want to make myself feel better. (naturally, it hasn't helped because that's just another lie) so, if i just mess you up further, that's really too bad. i'll just keep going about my day.
Code: BABY VOICES we're abandoning the pretenses. right now. i'm gonna show you everything. this is everything that you ever wanted lying right before you made empty i wanna make it hurt everything that you fought to achieve and the awful futility of it all manifested in me. tighter. this is an eternity staring you right in the face taking your breath away gradually you loved getting right in, i could always see it but i had a different perspective on things; we needed a bit of grit to make things a little more personal, a little more real; to help bring out the real you because the lies were starting to dig in, right in you've always been so fucking driven but no-one could ever fault that. we've just been wired differently, that's all. i guess we were headed towards something deeper more intimate right from the beginning. nothing could stop us. this was inevitable and i love that. i don't hate you anymore. i don't blame you for what happened but your single-mindedness lead us both here we could both drown now; i'm just saving myself.