Writing: Hey this crazy, I just wrote a prologue, critique it maybe?

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Erica, Jul 7, 2014.

  1. #1
    Erica

    Erica Meh LPA Über VIP

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    So I just put this down for a prologue, what do you guys think? It's a dream sequence, just to put into context.

    "What's going on? I need status reports, people! Jacobs?" Captain Morgan yelled over the blaring alarms. The metallic plating of the deck drenched in red from the emergency lights.

    "Fuel tanks are reading critical, Captain!" Jacobs yelled back in his southern accent.

    "I need you to drop them!" Morgan yelled not looking back at the engineer from her center front position. She was unable to break her gaze from the main bay window.

    "boy, wish I'd thought of that soo-"

    "Drop the sarcasm, Erik!" She cut the Arizona native off. "What are our options?"

    "We have to break atmosphere before the fire hits fuel!" He said matter of factly.

    "Hendricks, What's our ETA on that?" Sheathed the scrawny, blonde pilot.

    "3 minutes 20!" He squeaked out, wiping the sweat from his brow.

    "Jako-"

    "Not quick enough!" he answered preemptively.

    "Shit." the Captain breathed to herself. She turned to look back at her crew, strapped in and helpless. She felt the feeling of failure run up her spine. That scared her more than death. Jordan was unstrapped and sobbing into the Aenea's chest.

    "Ferrier, I need you buckled in girl!" She had to use all her might to reseat herself. She wiped her wet face on her glove and took in a deep breath. Li-xa, the Aenae, offered Jordan her hand. She locked on to it as though she were giving birth. Morgan turned back to the window, the atmosphere was growing thin. They had to make it, for all the people down at the Cape launch pad watching, for the billions watching at home, for the whole God damn race. The stars began to poke through the blue when Jakobs yelled the sweetest words Morgan had ever heard.

    "They're free!" Those were the final words before a hole blew in the ceiling. They didn't get far away enough from the tanks. The screams of the crew were sucked out of The Bragi along with everything that wasn't fixed to the ship. A secondary explosion rattled the ship and things went silent.
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2014
  2. #2
    lime treacle

    lime treacle You are not alone Über Member

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    :obama:
     
  3. #3
    Erica

    Erica Meh LPA Über VIP

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    Is that a good :obama:?
     
  4. #4
    lime treacle

    lime treacle You are not alone Über Member

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    That is a :obama: :obama:.

    :lol:
     
  5. #5
    Erica

    Erica Meh LPA Über VIP

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    Fuck! What if I want the book to sell in the south?!
     
  6. #6
    lime treacle

    lime treacle You are not alone Über Member

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    Well, first you should write it. :bradwink:
     
  7. #7
    Erica

    Erica Meh LPA Über VIP

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    [video=youtube;cSUcyz5hUHc]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSUcyz5hUHc[/video]
     
  8. #8
    lime treacle

    lime treacle You are not alone Über Member

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    :lol: I gotta watch that movie.

    Nah, this is good. I like how gets you in the action right away.
     
  9. #9
    Erica

    Erica Meh LPA Über VIP

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    Oh shit, you should watch it. It's excellent.

    Anyways, that's good. The folk at my writers forum like the immediate action as well.
     

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