Last Saturday morning I masturbated fiercely while listening to Nickelback's latest single and watching Michele on Skype. Drops tasted good so I licked them like the good old Angela Merkel I was. Surprisingly, I got a call from Officer Stanley Cooper who
Last Saturday morning I masturbated fiercely while listening to Nickelback's latest single and watching Michele on Skype. Drops tasted good so I licked them like the good old Angela Merkel I was. Surprisingly, I got a call from Officer Stanley Cooper who told me that I had only three days' time to live. I recognized that I had not been at school for two months and that was funny. I then decided to visit my long lost pornographic statue of a huge piece of ass carved into Mount Rushmore, but I was interrupted by my own penis as it began to grow and ended up disrupting highway traffic. I flew out of my car and landed straight in front of the biggest cunt, LazorCozmic5, who tried so hard and fell on the banhammer of Kevin. This happened just before I saw my own huge amount of money and decided to spend it on bright haired men which would give me lots of orgasms during my barbiturate fueled frenzy. Having been forced into captivity has always tickled my fancy, I like BDSM like a monk likes peace. When I recovered I wasn't able to find shoes, but oddly enough, my feet became a pair of flying horses that like to lick themselves for fuel. Until I saw the morning light I thought it was the Devil who sent me on a mission. Just then, I met this girl who was smarter than me but uglier than a broken ship mast in a Taco Bell Chain Restaurant. I felt love. She was mine. Her hair was as oily as the scrotum of Zak's luscious mother. Hello, I said. Unfortunately, she vaporized as a woman-beast monster creature and blew up in the darkness. I cried "WHY?". - "For the glory hole of my city," She said. Then she came towards me and told me how to use it. I flew up on magic pillows and came back to start to masturbate yet again. She shot me. With an arrow. Big fat sloppy birds grabbed me and my butthole. They took me and carried me to the kingdom of sausage men-ducks with enormous bellies that rumbled like Rolling Stones. They then screamed: "I'VE GIVEN UPPPPPPP," I joined them in the circle of life and we decided to lick the booty of Cinderella who was currently in a coma which isn't technically legal but it seemed like a waste of good opportunity. She woke up and went to the end of the human centipede and got her purse from the chicken burger which was stuck to the underside of Rihanna's butt. In hindsight, I should not have killed the modern guitargod that we call to save the face of rock because he resurrected Tim Allen and we all ran and slathered some vasoline over us and our nasty nose rings that were once special. Allen caught me during a ferocious battle between me and the sex-beast, which my mom called "your father" I decided to whoop his ass. After this we kissed passionately for the new superhero and his hunk broke into many different shattered pieces while I pissed on Michele's back. In her rage, Cinderella went and