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  1. #1
    The rhythm projects 'round the next sound... Calvin's Avatar
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    It's A Crazy World (A rap I wrote)

    Here's a rap I wrote after thinkin' of the first two lines whilst I was walking home from school (I am 17 years old). Please ignore any grammatical errors at this point as it was written a few seconds ago...

    [V1]
    Nowadays negligence has replaced complacency for intelligence
    Where there used to be measurements of mental resonance
    Instead its just the remnants of welfare and benefits
    So aforementioned sentiments ain't been remembered since
    The days where you used to feel sympathy/Feel empathy
    Now all we got are repressed memories of 'a better me'
    Someone said to me/The world is dark and no one cares
    'Cause no one's there/And they didn't stray their stare
    They reconfirmed they're serious/But I'm curious slash furious at how people get so delerious
    When they're happy with induced agony/That's a tragedy
    What type of family would happily keep laughin' see/Tryda check reality
    Sewin' the seeds for a new-born/Not teachin' 'em nothin'
    Treatin' him like an alien in is own home/Runnin'
    So he doesn't have to face the pain that is so soon to follow
    And inside his sorrow's where he wollows fearful of tomorrow
    Parental advisory sticker on the home of his birth parents
    His only merit's bein' 5 years old and cold at appearance
    But now it's all just twisted/He was gifted and now as he's grown
    The crazy world has left him on his own and all alone

    [Hook]
    So tell me/How did we get here
    So tell me/Does a life mean nothin'?
    So tell me/Is it not clear?
    That we never see nothin'
    Until that somethin' is abundant
    So tell me/Am I holdin' onto false hope?
    So tell me/Can this world ever cope
    So, tell me/Is this expectation insanity
    And a form of profanity against
    The standing dream of reality?

    [V2]
    Maybe/Someday the ignorance thats been depicted since
    The fall of innocence for biblicists is alive to a visionist
    Or maybe it diminished as/The businesses and citizens
    Became hypocrites, cynics 'n' imperialists
    Sometimes we get lost in the games that they play
    And this stadium we call life has resonated in your cranium
    With every passin' day that you stay
    Through our blamin' him it started changin' him and that lead to our hatin' him
    Maybe/We're the cause of our lives/Maybe/Our thoughts control our future
    Maybe we're all connected in some way or another and sometime over time
    We'll come to realise this and apply it/Not live inside a stupor
    Soldiers return from wounds that hurt to greet their yearned
    For the first time in the street/Where the heat could burn
    They toss and turn at night/With the nightmares of war loomin' at the apex of their mind
    With those horrible sights

    [Hook]
    So tell me/How did we get here
    So tell me/Does a life mean nothin'?
    So tell me/Is it not clear?
    That we never see nothin'
    Until that somethin' is abundant
    So tell me/Am I holdin' onto false hope?
    So tell me/Can this world ever cope
    So, tell me/Is this expectation insanity
    And a form of profanity against
    The standing dream of reality?

    It's a crazy world

    [V3]
    I'm in the minority/Of appreciation
    So many people I meet are with hatred so basic
    They say that they hated debatin' their placement
    On this Earth/And tryda conceal weakness with yet another curse
    And if it's self-explanotory/They wanna cause some damaging
    Then interactingly/They shouldn't expect to be treated upstandingly
    Enpicture treatin' someone like a person when they treat you like vermon
    They stomp on you like a worm 'n'/They get you startin' to doubt your worth at birth 'n'
    You wanna fight back/Embrace it/Face it/And get some vengence
    But with everythin' you mention you feel like a lesser causin' tension
    Our own kind/Are alone at night/And moan and cry
    Not tongue but bone-tied and look at me/And my own eyes
    Are tearin' up from the last of a past of bliss
    'Cause no good can ever come of this/Never come of fists
    But emotional capacity ain't a lastin' thing
    Look at materialism and vanity start to control a man to be

    [Hook/Outro]
    So tell me/How did we get here
    So tell me/Does a life mean nothin'?
    So tell me/Is it not clear?
    That we never see nothin'
    Until that somethin' is abundant
    So tell me/Am I holdin' onto false hope?
    So tell me/Can this world ever cope
    So, tell me/Is this expectation insanity
    And a form of profanity against
    The standing dream of reality?
    Last edited by Calvin; 06-12-2012 at 06:34 PM.
    But in the end we were meant to be apart, like separate chambers of the human heart...

    "The best lyrics are the ones that describe those emotions in ways you always wanted to say but could never find the words." - Mike Shinoda

    Formerly known as Epiksha.

  2. #2
    KTTK is Chester suicide-diving off a cliff naked Jack_Farrell's Avatar
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    Imagine this were in a real song. It drags on and on, you have a lot of good lines but you need to shorten it. There's a central theme but then there are like 7 sub-themes in it.

    "With the nightmares of war loomin' at the apex of their mind" This shit is great.

    "And this stadium we call life has resonated in your cranium" This tries too hard to rhyme and loses cohesion.

    "Never come of fists" What the fuck is this, lol.

    "And if it's self-explanotory/They wanna cause some damaging
    Then interactingly/They shouldn't expect to be treated upstandingly"

    "And it's self-explanatory that they want to cause some damage" would be better, the second line also falls short of what you intend to do and doesn't flow well at all. Another flaw your verses have is that there is little flow for the sake of putting smart words into it. Actually, you should pick your best lines, like the first one I mentioned, and just drop the others.

  3. #3
    The rhythm projects 'round the next sound... Calvin's Avatar
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    Thanks for your advice, I'll try to change some of it but in regards to the flow, I wrote these lyrics to this instrumental http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-1acn_RzRA and it all flowed really well (IMO) I might record something one of these days and post it up on here so you can hear it for yourself

    The "Never come of fists" line ties into the whole theme of how violent the world has become (I was trying to address different elements of how things have changed over time and the effects of these changes which is why there may be many sub-themes as change is a broad concept).

    Other than that, thanks for the advice and I'll try to reword some of this later.

  4. #4
    Does A Machine Like You Ever Experience Fear Star Scream's Avatar
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    very awesome rap this has a lot of potential
    ALL FOR NOTHING -

    And no I'm not your soldier, I'm not taking any orders

    I'm a five star general infantry controller, need a lesson, let me show you.

    Have you checking your composure while I make you step to it like


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