This is not the land of bland condiments The ketchup here's so fuckin' good it gets compliments So you listen to the chef, get ingredients Select the best tomatoes and you peel off the skins Squeeze em yeah, seeds and water up in the air Drain the tomatoes and start mixing seasonings here It's an onions, garlic, pepper, salt, sugar affair You're on your way to making fuckin' ketchup I swear Yeah Wait for the ketchup to be done Cook it on medium heat Way too much work just to eat But ketchup I will give I forgot to add my vinegar And a bit of cinnamon Mix all of the seasonings in And run them through your sieve (Author's note: pronounced like sive) I know what it takes to cook food Ketchup really isn't hard All I wanna do Is make you all some homemade food Ketchup's not all I've GOOOOOOT Thickening your mixture now. Make sure you're stirring frequently Isn't it so fuckin' easy? I wish I told you soooooo I know what it takes to cook food Ketchup really isn't hard All I wanna do Is make you all some homemade food Ketchup's not all I've GOOOOOOT What was that? All the ketchup is done Store'em in some jars, 'cause you made a ton Use'em on fries or a sesame bun Since it's fuckin' homemade it's second to none And they'll have never had ketchup taste so good It's so fuckin' tasty they'll get morning wood Unless it's for a girl, then they'll get wet And you'll be getting into her pants I bet All I wanna do Is make you all some homemade food Ketchup's not all I've GOOOOOOT This is not the land of bland condiments The ketchup here's so fuckin' good it gets compliments So you listen to the chef, get ingredients Select the best tomatoes and you peel off the skins Squeeze em yeah, seeds and water up in the air Drain the tomatoes and start mixing seasonings here It's an onions, garlic, pepper, salt, sugar affair You're on your way to making fuckin' ketchup I swear