The Requiem's Sonata Chapter One

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Gloomy Mushroom, Apr 23, 2012.

  1. #1
    Gloomy Mushroom

    Gloomy Mushroom Absolute Zero LPA Super VIP

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    So here is a side project of mine. I have been.writing this for a while. Feel free to comment/read/critique.

    The wind danced across the setting sky, as the feathers of a silver bird danced in co ordination, across the pink horizon of a world that had become the very defination of the future. Over a world that had anything and everything that a person could imagine. Lush green fields that swayed their blooming flowers in the midst of a cool Autumn breeze, it was almost too bright and fragile for most people to imagine.
    That is why there were no people on this planet. Nothing could have survived for so long and yet thrive so wildly. Humanity once destroyed the Earth with its conflicts and humanity was like finding a needle in the haystack, everyone thought they had died out because they had given up on that race, as the humans had done the same and given up on the environment.
    The blue birds who suckled the honey would be suckling Death's bosom, the grasshoppers that leapt as high as the tall grass around them would be leaping off a cliff into the pits of hell, and the humans would be on their chairs in front of technology, laughing, as the world around them shrivelled up into absolute nothing. Although, needless to say that it had come with a small exception.
    However, humanity had been stopped in their tracks by their own technology.
    He was said to be the Godfather to their kind, the creator of life, and the one who saved them from the pits of doom. Created as a prototype by NASA they named him Ryke. Ryke was only meant to help but not interfere with the humans and their lifestyle, he grew to be alone and sad, knowing that he was the only Emphi out there, so they created him a mate to keep him from being lonely. Doria, they named her and the first time an Emphi had laid eyes on her was through a thick pane of glass in a top secret lab. Distinguished by their sharp and pointy ears and the gender sterotyping skin colours, Ryke was now not alone. The vibrancy of the silvery pink Emphi standing on the other side of the mirror, reflected his own desire for another of his kind. He was now not alone in this world of conflict and wars, and he could now feel at home with Doria. He distinctly remembered what the expression was in the mirror of his silvery blue face, the one of hope.
    Doria and Ryke became quite close for a while, and too close for the human's liking. They tried to separate the pair of Emphis for the fear of them breeding would cause unpredictible results, too much unpredicitability for NASA to handle. However, it was too late by the time the attempt was made to separate the pair of Emphis. Doria was pregnant with not one, not two, but three Emphi offspring. Their conception remained a mystery that only the Emphi species knew about.
    The three Emphis that were born to Doria and Ryke, were soon to be the three leaders of the different tribes within the species who took humanity down.
    The first son, Zaki who was well known for his stubborness and egotistical ways, spent most of his days being surrounded by the beautiful Emphi whores in the Quay empire where Asia, Europe and Russia continents once stood. He looked over the Quay Emphis who were characterised by the lack of silver markings (due to excessive interbreeding) and a slight lisp in their speech
    The second Emphi to be born to Ryke and Doria was another son, was named Tal, a very straight forward Emphi who spent more time dictating and telling others what to do, he wouldn't be bothered breeding if his father hadn't pressured him to do it. Tal unlike his brother, was a tall and scrawny Emphi with little physical power and more brain power. Without him, no one would have acquired any territory to call their own. Tal looked over the Gerada territory where the Pacific islands like New Zealand and Australia once stood. Also countries like America and Mexico.
    The third child, the least liked was the daughter, Estella, who as far as everyone knew she was dead, or so that is what Tal and Zaki had told everyone about her banishment from their lands. She owned no luxuries, no land, and no fancy lifestyle. She was out and about constantly keeping watch for anything or anyone to do with her brothers. She lived in Zaki's territories mostly because he was dumb enough to believe anything. Tal was the brother she was always wary of. Estella was both her brothers combined, she had the physical stamina to get her through long distance hikes and she had the mental stamina to know when Tal was near. After years of being dead she had adapted herself into a flourish (what a pack of Emphis were called) in a valley below the Cascade Mountains and the Emphis referred to her as Stelle.
    Stelle sat on the branch of a tree with her head set in the days affairs. It had been a tough day as there had been fights amongst the flourish and Stelle chose to stay away from those affairs. Eden her best friend, the Emphi she first met when her brothers had banished her and was the first real Emphi that she had met, sat on the lower branch below her, flicking through some yellow flowers that she had picked on their flight away from the arguments.
    "Do you think Gie will get over his tamper tantrum?" Eden broke the silence. She was talking about the male Emphi in the flourish whose main purpose was to protect the females, while the rest of the males were there for show and breed. Stelle resented Gie with a passion as his history had shown in the past he endangered the flourish more then he had protected. Stelle scoffed as Eden looked up. Eden's magenta eyes met Stelle's dark red eyes and those eyes showed confusion without the Emphi even speaking. "Whether you like it or not, Gie is there to protect us Stelle."
    "I know what Gie wants and he is not going to get it," Stelle snorted as she knew Gie wanted her as his lifetime breeding partner. Gie was also a spitting image of Zaki and had contemplated many a times if Gie was indeed a son of his. "It isn't exactly a secret Eden."
    Gie had told the flourish a number of times, how when day when Stelle 'came to her senses' that he would breed with her. Stelle would always reply with a response consisting of stabbing herself with a hornet's stinger in various parts of her Emphi body. She frowned as she got to her feet and balanced herself on the upper branch. Stelle could hear something and she was afraid it was either another strange flourish Emphi she didn't know or it was Gie, drunk on rage or regret. Or both.
    Stelle sniffed the air. It was someone she knew as their scent was wafting in and out of the grass blades and they were approaching.
    "Can you smell that?" Eden asked, as she dropped her flowers and got to her feet. She grabbed the branch Stelle was on and swung her thin pink body on to it and landed behind her friend with a soft crackle of the tree's bark. Stelle didn't respond as she was too busy concertrating on the scent. "Gie?" Stelle hushed her as a figure in the distance, as she turner around, was seen running rapidly in and out of the grass and then she realised something. Whoever it was, they were being chased by another Emphi. "Ceri. She's being hunted!"
    The flourish who lived beyond the horizon were always hunting their females for their ability to reproduce as their females had been slaughtered by a decision that Zaki made, drunk on his ego. And Ceri was always too curious to be a good thing.
    "Stay here, I'll deal with him," Stelle always found herself defending the females more then what Gie did. She jumped off the branch, her lengthy pink legs bent as she landed, and ran as fast as she could. She ignored the whipping of the grass against her legs and ran to protect Ceri who was only a teenager in her Emphi life. In a matter of moments, she found herself running past Ceri and launching herself at the male, tackling him and rolling several metres until she held her elbow against his throat with fire in her eyes. "I have told your flourish many times, stop hunting our females or I will be the death of you."
    "Females are in short supply sweetcakes, and those who wander into our territory don't have a choice," replied the male Emphi as the sun set on his blue skin. He looked from her face to her usually near naked body and then looked back into her red eyes (which were the norm for females and magenta eyed females were considered rare like Eden). "You're not a bad catch yourself."
    "I should have throttled you the instance I smelt you from the trees," she snarled. "Show some mercy and I may let you go."
    "Don't go blaming me for something your female did," he spat. "Don't let your females wander into our territory and in our laws, and I won't touch them."
    "You have no individual law, whatever law you have I have, Zaki says so," she regretably had to bring up her brother.
    The male frowned as he spat his thick saliva in her face, almost blinding her for a few moments.
    "Zaki slaughtered our females and we wouldn't have to hunt for scraps if he just kept to his business," the male spat as Stelle wiped his saliva from her face with her shoulder as Stelle tightened the pressure against his throat.
    "Are you suggesting Ceri is a piece of scrap meat?" Stelle asked. "Because I can tell you now, you don't want to start throwing more names about her to me especially considering I am not afraid to kill my own species." His eyes started to swell with his own tears and his naturally blue face was going purple.
    "Stelle, don't kill him!" Eden cried, as she came running slowly through the grass. "Gie will take care of him!" Stelle laughed at the idea of Gie actually giving a damn about the females in the flourish as she loosened her arm against his throat but instead, pinned him down with her bare foot againt his chest.
    "I rather see him flee this land then having to witness Gie's version of punishment," Stelle replied, as Eden took her place next to him. She looked at Stelle and then to the male. "Oh look another helpless female you could possibly rape." Stella rolled her eyes as she looked to the male. "What's your name?"
    "Why do you even want it? To give it to Gie?" he asked, mocking Eden at the same time.
    "So I have a name to give to Elijah when I slice your throat," Stelle retorted.
    Elijah was the entity that they paid homage to, the Emphi's god who they believed help them win the war against the humans and as a reward for defeating the human race, replenished the soil. In the event of an Emphi dying, the victim's name was to be given to Elijah through burying a maple leaf underneath where the body was found.
    "Alix," the male quietly said. "Are you happy now, Stelle?" Alix had heard Eden using Stelle's name and smiled at Stelle.
    "If we let you go, Alix, will you promise to not return on our land?" Eden tried take control but Stelle knew she was failing even before she had begun.
    "No!" Alix snorted as all of them heard another Emphi coming and before she even looked, Stelle recognised the scent of Gie arriving.
    "I should've just killed you before you attracted the scents of morons!" Stelle snapped quietly, as her eyes darted back to the Emphi arriving.
    "Eden and Stelle, I can handle this," Gie gruffed as his sleek and muscular body stood next to Stelle. Stelle rolled her eyes at him and whispered something underneath her breath, still not removing her foot from Alix's chest. "Excuse Elijah, what was that?" Gie always used Elijah's name in vain.
    "I was saying, I think I smell something rotten in the air, and then I realised you were standing next to me," Stelle looked Gie in his black eyes and gave hin a scowl to show much she resented him.
    "Drop the attitude Stelle," Gie ordered.
    "I'll take that as a suggestion so I will say, um, no thanks," Stella retorted.
    "She has got an attitude on her," Alix remarked.
    "Shut up!" Stelle and Gie agreed on something for once.
    "What do we do with Alix?" asked Eden, curious then ever to know.
    "He is coming with us, the flourish has a right to know what's happening," Gie replied, signalling for Stelle to remove her foot from pinning him down.
    "I think Ceri, has already told everyone or else you wouldn't have been told because I highly doubt Eden has any faith in that protection scheme of yours," Stelle replied firmly. Eden remained without a word as she had secretely agreed with her friend.
    "He is not to go back into his territory until Zaki hears his case," Gie stated firmly, as Stelle rolled her eyes.
    "Zaki is too busy with his whores to care about female stealing Emphis, Gie," Stelle tried to tell him, but it wasn't getting very far. "Zaki is more likely to rape Ceri then look out for her wellbeing."
    "Move your foot or I will have no choice but to get Tarquin," Gie ordered as Stelle immediately removed her foot.
    Tarquin was built like an elephant and Tarquin should have been the one put in Gie's place to protect the females. He just breaks up violent fights between flourish members nowadays and drinks his emotions on honeydew and can found mostly in the willow tree closest to the riverside on the eastside of their territory.
    Stelle and Eden watched as Alix didn't put up a fight with Gie and was continously shoved and pushed and told to keep moving from Gie. There was something about the way Alix looked at Stelle that created a few tingles to be sent down her spine.
    "There is something that reeks of something suspicious, about Alix," Stelle slowly said as she gazed at Gie pushing and shoving the other Emphi out of her sight. "I don't think shoving him towards our females was the right move on Gie's behalf."
    "Is there anything you can really do or say to Gie to make him change his mind?" Eden slowly asked, as Stelle crossed her arms. Stelle didn't answer her best friend but moreso was trying to understand why Alix went so peacefully. "I think there is one thing.." Stelle shot Eden a warning look for her not to go there. "I don't think that would work either."
    "I would rather be the animal sacrifice to Elijah then to be Gie's whore," Stelle clearered up. "I don't like what Gie has done to Alix, Eden. He should've either killed him on the spot or sent him past the horizon, where he belongs."
    "We should head back to the flourish," Eden suggested, with neither of them moving. Eden was waiting on Stelle to start moving, but all she did was shake her head at her fellow Emphi. "What's the matter?"
    "I don't know," Stelle swallowed hard, as a seed of doubt had been planted in the back of her head the moment Gie left with Alix. "Something's not right with Alix."
    "Of course something's not right with him, we don't know him and we don't know until we can basically find out what he is like," Eden completely missed Stelle's point.
    "Don't be ignorant Eden," Stelle started. "I don't care about his personality or getting to know him. It must be me or something but he acted quite differently around Gie then he did with me. And that last look he gave me, it - it sent chills down my body, the bad kind of chills. Maybe I'm just paranoid."
    "We better get back to the flourish, Stelle, or we might be bait for more males to try and rape us," Eden quietly reminded as she started to walk, at a quick pace. Stelle hesitated then looked behind her at the blackened horizon. She knew there were things out there that not even she would dare to take on but she believed Elijah was protecting her and the flourish from them. Eden quickly reminded her Emphi friend to turn around and follow but not without one last thought.
    If Elijah was looking out for the flourish, why did he let Alix in their territory?
     
  2. #2
    Jesse

    Jesse Out of the abyss. LPA Über VIP

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    There's a bit of overuse of adjectives.
     
  3. #3
    Snail

    Snail LPA Super Member LPA Super Member

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    Might also want to break it up into sections.
     
  4. #4
    Gloomy Mushroom

    Gloomy Mushroom Absolute Zero LPA Super VIP

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    Oh I forgot I had this up :lol:
    Jesse - Yeah I kinda raped the thesaurus a little bit.
    Snail - What do you mean sections? This is only chapter one out of six I have written.

    But nonetheless thank you for reading and your suggestions :)
     
  5. #5
    Snail

    Snail LPA Super Member LPA Super Member

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    Spacing out the large body of text in order to enhance the reading experience.
     
  6. #6
    hawk

    hawk because the internet LPA Super VIP

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    Side project? Is the writing of this story taking precious writing time from the hit sequel to that top selling book you wrote? :trollface: I kid, Sarah.

    Whilst there are breaks in the writing, they're not obvious, and so it looks like one gigantic wall of text that could put people off. Snail could be referring to paragraphs.
     

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