Blood whispers Blinding torture Swirling lights All this madness in my head Shouting loudly Pulsating wildly My blood coarsening through my veins Then it calms and starts to whisper Let me free I will let loose all those secrets That you want to see But I don’t want to listen Yet the whispers are convincing me Shouting Let me out Let me flow All the secrets that you want to know I still don’t want to hear this But still the blood gets louder So I grab the razor And plunge it deep Letting the blood whispers flow Waiting for the secrets to come But there’s nothing Only laughter In my head heres some more experimentation. i really don't know if this is any good or not but it just kinda came to me... any comments are most welcome
I liked your last one better, but that was amazing and going to be hard to top. Another great poem though. The ending didn't really make sence to me, "only laughter in my head". Mabye you could explain this to me. Great work.
thanks lpsk8er for the feedback! you always give feedback to me and for that i am forever grateful. and david, i guess what i am trying to get across that when you are at that moment of wanting to cut, there is something or someone else inside your head telling you that it's good to do it but once it is done, that something or someone is laughing at you that you could be so stupid to think that actually hurting yourself would be a good thing. almost like having a split personality that one personality wants to hurt another. does that make any sense? i am glad you liked my last one and i did feel like the last one was much better. but i am also glad that you like this one too.
Wow. I like this one better than all of yours, it's extremely good, and I love how it flows. Great job, it's awesome.
as some one that doesn't cut i don't know the feeling, yet through this poem and with your little explenation i feel i can understand much better what it is like to cut yourself. Very insightfull. I say again, amazing work.
actually, i don't cut either but i have came so close on many occassion. this is how i thought it would be like if i did take it one more step further. gald you like it though. and fall.into.sleep i am really glad you like it too! i think this style of writing (so far) has been working out.