Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: blood whispers

  1. #1
    Extremely H! Vltg3
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    623
    Blood whispers

    Blinding torture
    Swirling lights
    All this madness in my head
    Shouting loudly
    Pulsating wildly
    My blood coarsening through my veins
    Then it calms and starts to whisper
    Let me free
    I will let loose all those secrets
    That you want to see
    But I donít want to listen
    Yet the whispers are convincing me
    Shouting
    Let me out
    Let me flow
    All the secrets that you want to know
    I still donít want to hear this
    But still the blood gets louder
    So I grab the razor
    And plunge it deep
    Letting the blood whispers flow
    Waiting for the secrets to come
    But thereís nothing
    Only laughter
    In my head


    heres some more experimentation. i really don't know if this is any good or not but it just kinda came to me...

    any comments are most welcome

  2. #2
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    2,188
    Good job, you really made this one shine.

  3. #3
    Pure Pwnage D_A_V_I_D's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    953
    I liked your last one better, but that was amazing and going to be hard to top. Another great poem though. The ending didn't really make sence to me, "only laughter in my head". Mabye you could explain this to me.
    Great work.

  4. #4
    Extremely H! Vltg3
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    623
    thanks lpsk8er for the feedback! you always give feedback to me and for that i am forever grateful.


    I liked your last one better, but that was amazing and going to be hard to top. Another great poem though. The ending didn't really make sence to me, "only laughter in my head". Mabye you could explain this to me.
    and david, i guess what i am trying to get across that when you are at that moment of wanting to cut, there is something or someone else inside your head telling you that it's good to do it but once it is done, that something or someone is laughing at you that you could be so stupid to think that actually hurting yourself would be a good thing.
    almost like having a split personality that one personality wants to hurt another.

    does that make any sense?

    i am glad you liked my last one and i did feel like the last one was much better. but i am also glad that you like this one too.

  5. #5
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    2,188
    I guess there are alot of good writers here at the LPA.

  6. #6
    Y2K
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Salem, Illinois
    Posts
    2,175
    Wow. I like this one better than all of yours, it's extremely good, and I love how it flows. Great job, it's awesome.

  7. #7
    Pure Pwnage D_A_V_I_D's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    953
    Originally posted by fallenangel@Jun 18 2005, 04:03 AM
    thanks lpsk8er for the feedback! you always give feedback to me and for that i am forever grateful.


    I liked your last one better, but that was amazing and going to be hard to top. Another great poem though. The ending didn't really make sence to me, "only laughter in my head". Mabye you could explain this to me.
    and david, i guess what i am trying to get across that when you are at that moment of wanting to cut, there is something or someone else inside your head telling you that it's good to do it but once it is done, that something or someone is laughing at you that you could be so stupid to think that actually hurting yourself would be a good thing.
    almost like having a split personality that one personality wants to hurt another.

    does that make any sense?

    i am glad you liked my last one and i did feel like the last one was much better. but i am also glad that you like this one too.
    as some one that doesn't cut i don't know the feeling, yet through this poem and with your little explenation i feel i can understand much better what it is like to cut yourself. Very insightfull. I say again, amazing work.

  8. #8
    Extremely H! Vltg3
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    623
    as some one that doesn't cut i don't know the feeling, yet through this poem and with your little explenation i feel i can understand much better what it is like to cut yourself. Very insightfull. I say again, amazing work.
    actually, i don't cut either but i have came so close on many occassion. this is how i thought it would be like if i did take it one more step further.

    gald you like it though.

    and fall.into.sleep i am really glad you like it too! i think this style of writing (so far) has been working out.

  9. #9
    ...waiting. Arhaz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    4,070
    real intense...very very deep..i've felt like that but never hurt myself...great work!

  10. #10
    Extremely H! Vltg3
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    623
    thankyou freakolp! so glad you liked it and thanks for visiting my thread!

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •