blood whispers

[fallenangel]

Blood whispers

Blinding torture
Swirling lights
All this madness in my head
Shouting loudly
Pulsating wildly
My blood coarsening through my veins
Then it calms and starts to whisper
Let me free
I will let loose all those secrets
That you want to see
But I don’t want to listen
Yet the whispers are convincing me
Shouting
Let me out
Let me flow
All the secrets that you want to know
I still don’t want to hear this
But still the blood gets louder
So I grab the razor
And plunge it deep
Letting the blood whispers flow
Waiting for the secrets to come
But there’s nothing
Only laughter
In my head


heres some more experimentation. i really don't know if this is any good or not but it just kinda came to me...

any comments are most welcome

[lpsk8er]

Good job, you really made this one shine.

[D_A_V_I_D]

I liked your last one better, but that was amazing and going to be hard to top. Another great poem though. The ending didn't really make sence to me, "only laughter in my head". Mabye you could explain this to me.
Great work.

[fallenangel]

thanks lpsk8er for the feedback! you always give feedback to me and for that i am forever grateful.

I liked your last one better, but that was amazing and going to be hard to top. Another great poem though. The ending didn't really make sence to me, "only laughter in my head". Mabye you could explain this to me.

and david, i guess what i am trying to get across that when you are at that moment of wanting to cut, there is something or someone else inside your head telling you that it's good to do it but once it is done, that something or someone is laughing at you that you could be so stupid to think that actually hurting yourself would be a good thing.
almost like having a split personality that one personality wants to hurt another.

does that make any sense?

i am glad you liked my last one and i did feel like the last one was much better. but i am also glad that you like this one too.

[lpsk8er]

I guess there are alot of good writers here at the LPA.

[arT saveS]

Wow. I like this one better than all of yours, it's extremely good, and I love how it flows. Great job, it's awesome.

[D_A_V_I_D]

Originally posted by fallenangel@Jun 18 2005, 04:03 AM
thanks lpsk8er for the feedback! you always give feedback to me and for that i am forever grateful.

I liked your last one better, but that was amazing and going to be hard to top. Another great poem though. The ending didn't really make sence to me, "only laughter in my head". Mabye you could explain this to me.

and david, i guess what i am trying to get across that when you are at that moment of wanting to cut, there is something or someone else inside your head telling you that it's good to do it but once it is done, that something or someone is laughing at you that you could be so stupid to think that actually hurting yourself would be a good thing.
almost like having a split personality that one personality wants to hurt another.

does that make any sense?

i am glad you liked my last one and i did feel like the last one was much better. but i am also glad that you like this one too.

as some one that doesn't cut i don't know the feeling, yet through this poem and with your little explenation i feel i can understand much better what it is like to cut yourself. Very insightfull. I say again, amazing work.

[fallenangel]

as some one that doesn't cut i don't know the feeling, yet through this poem and with your little explenation i feel i can understand much better what it is like to cut yourself. Very insightfull. I say again, amazing work.

actually, i don't cut either but i have came so close on many occassion. this is how i thought it would be like if i did take it one more step further.

gald you like it though.

and fall.into.sleep i am really glad you like it too! i think this style of writing (so far) has been working out.

[Arhaz]

real intense...very very deep..i've felt like that but never hurt myself...great work!

[fallenangel]

thankyou freakolp! so glad you liked it and thanks for visiting my thread!