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Thread: Pathetic

  1. #1
    It's Like I'm Paranoid...
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
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    168
    Here is a poem which I wrote please read it and plz plz give ur feedback I would love to read ur comments whatever they are.


    I have become shallow from the inside
    Never thought of those who weren't on my side
    Never shared happiness even with those who were just beside
    Never even looked at them even when I had to decide


    Loved by very few and hated by most
    I set out to eat everyone thinking them my toast
    Didn't help anyone but never missed a chance to boast
    Saw thier lives burning and just let them roast


    Why have I become so cheap?
    Stabbing everyone for that one giant leap
    Breaking all the promises that I had to keep
    Forgetting that what you sow is what you reap


    God is the way I should lead ?
    Is it what I wanted and was there any need ?
    How could I have done this to fulfil my greed ?
    God please don't forgive me and don't even heed

  2. #2
    What's a 'Grey Daze'?
    Join Date
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    Felton, California
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    That's awesome. You've got some real talent.
    The second stanza is my favorite.


    Loved by very few and hated by most
    I set out to eat everyone thinking them my toast
    Didn't help anyone but never missed a chance to boast
    Saw thier lives burning and just let them roast

    ~*Silver

  3. #3
    Ambient Evil Angel's Avatar
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    May 2004
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    Originally posted by silver.flames13@Mar 15 2005, 12:44 PM
    That's awesome. You've got some real talent.
    The second stanza is my favorite.


    Loved by very few and hated by most
    I set out to eat everyone thinking them my toast
    Didn't help anyone but never missed a chance to boast
    Saw thier lives burning and just let them roast

    ~*Silver
    no baby i'd give it a gold!
    Formerly known as Rohan and Tout Le Monde.

  4. #4
    Extremely H! Vltg3
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    Good job

  5. #5
    Super Member
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    Nice job

  6. #6
    Ntr/Mssion
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    Feb 2005
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    Yaah its good stuff . The first stanza is my fav actually . For "think b4u think " . You sure seem to think a lot.

  7. #7
    Banned
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    Thats great, Wish I could write sumfin like that, all I can do is lovey-dovey stuff ~gag~

  8. #8
    A noi si schiude il ciel... Il inno di morte's Avatar
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    man, u rule!! I really liked this poem, i believe is the best I've ever heard! actually, i really feel it inside of me, because i believe i have a similar situation. I think we are very similar. I believe we kind of share that loneliness inside. sometimes (at least it happens to me), we are really selfish, mean, unfair or that kind of stuff with the others. I'm really sorry, cuz my hand could never express what's inside my heart, at least not completely. but i think u get me, right?
    hope to hear from u soon. c ya!

    * Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave *

  9. #9
    Pure Pwnage D_A_V_I_D's Avatar
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    Australia
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    NICE

    I just LOVE the last line.
    it really makes u feel the pain and regret of what the person has done.

    i felt that the lind ending in toast was trying a bit too hard to rhyme but thats just me

    great poem

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