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View Full Version : Why? Mr. Anderson, Why?...Why?



acetaminophen
04-28-2004, 07:42 AM
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing
liquid is made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed
through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the
only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and
that would be how??...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn
upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to
reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get
those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm
taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not
enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents
for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the
stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to
(maybe even a chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone. We all
need to smile every once in a while.

:lol:

Leslie
04-28-2004, 07:51 AM
:lol:

ass_kicker
04-28-2004, 10:37 AM
lollies :lol:

lp_dreamer
04-28-2004, 11:12 AM
lol ive read that before but its still funny again i like the one about the airline peanuts and the iron on the clothes

Ppr:Kut
04-28-2004, 03:22 PM
that is hilarious! :lol:

Adam
04-28-2004, 03:59 PM
lol

Leones
04-28-2004, 04:30 PM
hehe :lol: :lol: :P

Blaze
04-28-2004, 05:09 PM
i've alredy seen some of them but thats still pretty funny :lol:

Dedicated
04-28-2004, 05:56 PM
That chain letter has been going for at least 2 years :mellow:


I got it back in 2002 :wth:



I can't believe people actually send them on for so long :wth:



Yeh...



Another one is:


How can something be new and improved? If it's new there was never aynthing the same before it and if it's improved there has been the same thing before it but this one is better... :wth:

LornVourkolakas
04-28-2004, 06:02 PM
The sad thing is, those label instructions were put there because of certain events.

Dedicated
04-28-2004, 06:12 PM
The thing is, people could sue other people for stupid stuff...

Eg. If there wasn't a 'May Contain Nuts' label on a packet of Peanuts, someone allergic to nuts could buy them, eat them, get harmed badly and then sue the company for not stating that the pack may contain nuts. :wth:



Or I think that's why... :lol:

Kate
04-28-2004, 06:30 PM
Originally posted by acetaminophen@Apr 28 2004, 01:42 AM
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
I actually CAN put on mascara with my mouth closed. :rawk: go me.

LPNeSSRGB
04-28-2004, 08:06 PM
Originally posted by Dedicated@Apr 28 2004, 01:56 PM
How can something be new and improved? If it's new there was never aynthing the same before it and if it's improved there has been the same thing before it but this one is better... :wth:
:wth: That's a good question.

Anyway, that was really funny! :lol: :lol: :lol: Thanks for posting that.

arT saveS
04-28-2004, 10:17 PM
Funny stuff. :)

Neil
04-28-2004, 11:08 PM
Originally posted by acetaminophen@Apr 28 2004, 02:42 AM
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

ROFLMFAO!!! (x3 for each person here)

That was one brave man...

:lol:

User Name
04-28-2004, 11:18 PM
Originally posted by Neil+Apr 28 2004, 03:08 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Neil @ Apr 28 2004, 03:08 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--acetaminophen@Apr 28 2004, 02:42 AM
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

ROFLMFAO&#33;&#33;&#33; (x3 for each person here)

That was one brave man...

:lol: [/b][/quote]
Or just really drunk.

Glenn
04-29-2004, 01:53 AM
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Yup. :lol: :P

May
04-29-2004, 02:21 AM
Originally posted by Neil+Apr 28 2004, 07:08 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Neil @ Apr 28 2004, 07:08 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--acetaminophen@Apr 28 2004, 02:42 AM
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

ROFLMFAO&#33;&#33;&#33; (x3 for each person here)

That was one brave man...

:lol: [/b][/quote]
LMAO that one is the best one&#33;

Anthony.
04-29-2004, 02:52 AM
Some can be explained, but overall it&#39;s funny :lol: .

Matt
04-29-2004, 04:22 AM
Originally posted by Dedicated@Apr 28 2004, 10:12 AM
The thing is, people could sue other people for stupid stuff...

Eg. If there wasn&#39;t a &#39;May Contain Nuts&#39; label on a packet of Peanuts, someone allergic to nuts could buy them, eat them, get harmed badly and then sue the company for not stating that the pack may contain nuts. :wth:



Or I think that&#39;s why... :lol:
A long time ago Amy said someone could sue Red Bull for false advertising after jumping off something tall and getting hurt. :lol:

On a baby stroller:Remove child before folding. :wth: :chemist:

Mechanical Christ
05-24-2004, 12:16 PM
that list is made by someone who really has nothing better to do.

Neil
05-24-2004, 04:13 PM
Last post... Apr 28 2004


Well undeadSpectre, I commend you for your resurrection abilities :D

Tomi
05-24-2004, 07:40 PM
Originally posted by UndeadSpectre@May 24 2004, 07:16 AM
that list is made by someone who really has nothing better to do.
i guess you had nothing better to do that bump this back up.


Good job&#33; :P

Hana
05-24-2004, 08:05 PM
This is old :rolleyes:


I saw more stuff like this before. My favorite is:

If olive oil is made by pressing olives, how is baby oil made?

ROFLMAO.

Atsuzen
05-27-2004, 01:12 PM
Originally posted by UndeadSpectre@May 24 2004, 08:16 PM
that list is made by someone who really has nothing better to do.
:lol: But the whole thing&#39;s really funny, though&#33;

Mechanical Christ
05-27-2004, 01:24 PM
Originally posted by Hana@May 24 2004, 08:05 PM
This is old :rolleyes:


I saw more stuff like this before. My favorite is:

If olive oil is made by pressing olives, how is baby oil made?

ROFLMAO.
After all, I am The Undead, Neil. What else does an Undead have besides resurrection powers and other cool stuff?

...

Atsuzen
05-27-2004, 01:28 PM
Originally posted by UndeadSpectre+May 27 2004, 09:24 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (UndeadSpectre @ May 27 2004, 09:24 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--Hana@May 24 2004, 08:05 PM
This is old :rolleyes:


I saw more stuff like this before. My favorite is:

If olive oil is made by pressing olives, how is baby oil made?

ROFLMAO.
After all, I am The Undead, Neil. What else does an Undead have besides resurrection powers and other cool stuff?

... [/b][/quote]
Haha.