Misread (please read and reply)

[gazzalp]

heres my newest song, i kind of took a different approach and dont believe it worked out as well as my last couple, please tell me what you think, all replies are greatly appreciated.

MISREAD

Should I release the poison into my throat?
On these tears I don’t float
Here I am drowning
Counting all the times I was frowning

Im sick of living this life of pain
My life’s like undulating terrain
It’s pushing me so far
My hearts as black as tar
Free from the dead sea of eternity
And those lies you made me see

Should I put a gun to my head?
Im sick of all those things you said
Tired from the many tears I shed
All the years Ive had these thoughts in my head

Im sick of living this life of pain
My life’s like undulating terrain
It’s pushing me so far
My hearts as black as tar
Free from the dead sea of perpetuity
These lies lay with me for infinity

Should I pull this knife away from my skin?
The reflection on the blade shows my sin
So I cut myself deep within my skin
Not with the knife but with my life

[gazzalp]

bump, i know this isnt a very good song but please still reply and tell me what you think.

[LinkinTheory]

Aside from in the last verse, you shoukld say something like cut myself from deep within in stead of using skin. And there were a couple other places you used the same word twice. But other than that, really good. I'm beggining to like your stuff Gazzl-wtf.

[gazzalp]

thanks for your reply linkin theory, and your tips, ill try to write more with more meaningfull lyrics, i just hate deciding what topic to write on, so if anyone has suggestions (has to be a emotional topic but about something bad/sad) anyway i thought you would understand gazza (my name is gary) and lp (come on you should know this one)

[LinkinTheory]

Whoa, I made a lot of mistakes in that post.

[gazzalp]

hehe, any ideas on what topic i could write about? right now im going to write one about running away/ ignoring and stuff like that, but i would appreciate ideas for my next song.