Is Chivalry Dead?

[Derek The Infamous]

Recently my car broke down in the exit to McDonalds. The car vapor-locked (due to the extreme heat we've been having) and would not start back up. Because of the fact it was on an incline, the vehicle ran the risk of drifting into a busy intersection and causing a huge accident.

Needing help I ran into McDonalds and asked for 2-3 people to help me push it back into the parking lot and out of harms way. Five minutes later, while waiting by my car nervously...I was stunned to see that absolutely nobody had came out to help! I eventually had to go to the Jiffy Lube next door and get help from the service techs there, with the same people I had asked to help in McDonalds, watching and doing absolutely nothing.

It really left a sour taste in my mouth, and even though Jiffy Lube were very helpful, I can't help but pose the following question to you all: is Chivalry dead? Are we no longer a society willing to help the common man?

Discuss.

[Blackee Dammet]

Yes. Yes it is.

[Todd]

Yes. Yes it is.

Agreed, sadly. Everyone only cares about themselves.

I always take the opportunity to help when I can. Several months ago, after I pulled into my apartment's parking lot and got out, someone ran up to me asking them if I could jump start them. Despite having already parked, gotten out of my car and been half way to my front door and it being cold as fuck outside, I said sure, pulled my car around next to theirs and gave them a jump. It took 5 minutes and gave me that warm, fuzzy feeling of being a good samaritan and helping someone out. I couldn't even imagine being dickish enough to say no.

[travz21]

There's been instances in my area where a man has been mugged and beaten close to death after pulling over to help someone with their car. So, sorry to everyone out there who truly needs help. These people ruin it for you. Unless you're a fine chick, don't expect that many helpful hands.

[Jeff]

Yeah, unfortunately it is. :/

[Bradley]

Chivalry is not completely dead in my opinion.

There are times where people have a heart and give a hand, it could be rare to some people I imagine due to where they might live (for example a big city like New York where people seem to only look out for themselves). Personally I live in a small town in Texas where I see people help out in any way. That's the same case for other places in the world. Chivalry is still alive and kicking because as long there are decent folk out there in the world, it won't be completely dead.

[Vdalem]

If it is deade, I blame the female race. Most women would be pissed if you even hold the door open for them. That's one reason why guys stop being showing chivalry. Now please, help me off this soapbox.

[Dusty]

Well, funny thing Derek, I broke down on the side of the road this morning. My wife and I only have one car, so she was unable to come get me and everyone that I could think to ask for help wouldn't answer the phone or was at work.

I watched as so many people drove by as I waved for help. I got back in the car giving up when a woman with her two daughters pulled up and asked if I needed help. I told the woman I needed a ride home but it might be out of the way for her. She told me it was no problem and she took me home.

I think chivalry is dying and almost dead but sometimes you get lucky with kindness.

[minuteforce]

It isn't dead but it's far from commonplace. Bystander effect and whatever. :"

[Gloomy Mushroom]

Yes you are not alone and I understand how you feel. One time when my eldest daughter was a newborn, I was asked by a rude man to stop taking up the foldable seats at the front of the bus so he could put his groceries thete - not why the seats were there to begin with. After letting it go, the same man when asked by the bus driver to help me off the bus with a pram downright refused to help me. I have been snobbed of help so many times but come the exceptions of course. I.e there is one bus driver who folds the wheelchair ramp down without being asked so all the ladies with prams can get off the bus easier. It really depends on the type of people who are there at the time.

[cloudscream]

In that part of the world, maybe it is.

[Derek The Infamous]

Yes you are not alone and I understand how you feel. One time when my eldest daughter was a newborn, I was asked by a rude man to stop taking up the foldable seats at the front of the bus so he could put his groceries thete - not why the seats were there to begin with. After letting it go, the same man when asked by the bus driver to help me off the bus with a pram downright refused to help me. I have been snobbed of help so many times but come the exceptions of course. I.e there is one bus driver who folds the wheelchair ramp down without being asked so all the ladies with prams can get off the bus easier. It really depends on the type of people who are there at the time.

As bad as I feel for you, you used so much Australian slang in that post that I got lost a few times :lol:. Still that guy sounds like a dick.

[Dean]

No

[ThaHandyman]

In that part of the world, maybe it is.

This. 'Round Oklahoma the hippies are sparse and the helping are many. I always hold the door open for women, and if theyre older than me respond in yes mam no mam replies. But thats just how we do things...

[Ryo Hazuki]

Fortunately, a lot of people have been very kind to me. Unfortunately, a lot of people have also been very rude and self adsorbed and unhelpful.

I've gotten rides because of my limp in my leg, sometimes from police (Which I DID feel sort of weird about!) and sometimes from women and sometimes from couples. Of course all of this is when I lived on the middle of a mountain and I had to walk 4+ miles to go to the grocery store... It's weird but females seem to have helped me more than males... :lol

Anyway, I help when I can. If I can, I do. But really, ask me anything about a car and I'm clueless. I'll try, but I mind end up doing more damage than it's worth.

So to answer your question I'd say about 90% of the world is just scum but there are some good people and their kindness makes the world better, so no, it's not totally dead.

[Vriska]

There is a timeless problem in psychology called the diffusion of responsibility. It has less to do with what neighborhood or what year you grew up in, but more to do with how many people are around when you ask. If you ask for help in a room full of people, each person assumes that someone else is going to take up the responsibility for whatever reason: be it that another person is closer, somebody else probably already got help, there might be an expert around, or low self esteem makes a person think other people are better helpers, or that since nobody else is taking action, then it must not be that serious.

However, if you go and ask a single person to help, all of the responsibility falls on them, and they HAVE to answer the question you posed to them.

There have been occurrences like when a woman had been stabbed and raped in a street where there were over 30 witnesses watching from their apartments, and not a single one of them lifted a finger because they each thought someone else would call the police. The woman died after laying in the street, squirming for a half hour. Her attacker came back to stab her again in the meantime. Other women faced similar fates. In another case a crowd of people was surrounding a car on fire watching the unconscious driver in the front seat burn to death. My psychology professor saw this and knew about diffusion of responsibility, so she pulled right over and tore open the driver side door herself.


This is something important to remember if you are in a crisis. Don't aimlessly shout "help." Shout "Help! you in the green hat! Help me!"

[dereklp]

There is a timeless problem in psychology called the diffusion of responsibility. It has less to do with what neighborhood or what year you grew up in, but more to do with how many people are around when you ask. If you ask for help in a room for of people, each person assumes that someone else is going to take up the responsibility for whatever reason: be it that another person is closer, there might be an expert around, low self esteem makes a person think other people are better helpers, or that since nobody else is taking action, then it must not be that serious.

However, if you go and ask a single person to help, all of the responsibility falls on them, and they HAVE to answer the question you posed to them.

There have been occurrences like when a woman had been stabbed and raped in a street where there were over 30 witnesses watching from their apartments, and not a single one of them lifted a finger because they each thought someone else would call the police. The woman died after laying in the street, squirming for a half hour. Her attacker came back to stab her again in the meantime. Other women faced similar fates. In another case a crowd of people was surrounding a car on fire watching the unconscious driver in the front seat burn to death. My psychology professor saw this and knew about diffusion of responsibility, so she pulled right over and tore open the driver side door herself.


This is something important to remember if you are in a crisis. Don't aimlessly shout "help." Shout "Help! you in the green hat! Help me!"

Just had to be a GREEEEN hat huh?


Anyways, I believe it's just how one is raised or how they live their life. Being apart of the military I most time almost feel an obligation to things for people. Whether is be hold the door or help someone is car trouble.

[minuteforce]

There is a timeless problem in psychology called the diffusion of responsibility.
Yesss - also known as 'bystander effect'. :D

[Gloomy Mushroom]

As bad as I feel for you, you used so much Australian slang in that post that I got lost a few times :lol:. Still that guy sounds like a dick.

I used slang? Lol I had no idea. I know that I had a typo. Mind you this is the same woman despite having my hands full I can still find the courtesy to help old ladies onto the bus when not even asked to. I show people the same respect as I would want if I needed help but not everyone is hot wired like that.

[Todd]

I used slang? Lol I had no idea. I know that I had a typo. Mind you this is the same woman despite having my hands full I can still find the courtesy to help old ladies onto the bus when not even asked to. I show people the same respect as I would want if I needed help but not everyone is hot wired like that.

I'm not sure if pram is slang, but it's definitely not a word used in the US.

[Disturbedthoughts]

I still help people whenever I can, hold the doors open (regardless of gender), pick people up if they are hitchhiking (Everytime I've done it people are just grateful for the ride), I've stopped when people's emergency lights are flashing...Chivalry dead? Nah. Hiding perhaps, but not dead. You can't kill an idea. Nazis are still around, Chivalry is as well.

[Benjamin]

It's not dead. It's just uncommon these days.

[F-ck Casey]

People hardly care for themselves, much less a stranger.

[deftonesfan867]

If anything it was ruined by parents not teaching their kids that being selfish isn't the right way to be.

[Pidgeon]

I don't think its completely dead, there are lots of people still willing to help others

[Benjamin]

When you think about it, it's either dead or every person in this thread is some kind of hypocrite, haha.

[Jeff]

Well, in order to show some kind of chivalrous action, I helped a guy yesterday push his car out of the road because he ran out of gas. :)