The Advice Thread (formerly GSYWTLO)

[Derek The Infamous]

Okay so I think it it's time for us to put Part 2 to rest. The thread went a long time; logged quite a few views/replies and now it's time to start fresh.

However; with the new thread there is one thing I'd like to say before I open it up for discussion.

One of the biggest problems currently existing in the old "GSYWLTO" thread is the fact that there were a lot of people who were treating this thread like a blog, posting nearly daily life updates, that were full of pathetic whining and cringe-worthiness, or even just random thoughts about life and THAT is just not what this thread is about. This thread is not to tell us about your daily life, but instead to seek advice or post what's troubling you.

So please, vent away..but try to keep the randomness to Random Chat, and the whinyness/emo-ness to yourself. Now:

LET IT OUT!

[Arlene]

To start it off: I need to let out the fact that I am absolutely happy with Steve and I am so happy with how/where our relationship is going :)

[Derek The Infamous]

That's great Arlene! :). Glad to hear a happy thought to start this out.

[Theazninvasion68]

I find it troubling and annoying that I treat my best gal friend better than her boyfriend treats her.

>:\

@Arlene: Horray! :D

[Derek The Infamous]

I find it troubling and annoying that I treat my best gal friend better than her boyfriend treats her.

>:\

@Arlene: Horray! :D

Have you told her that you feel he isn't good for her?

[Theazninvasion68]

Have you told her that you feel he isn't good for her?

Um, oops.

I meant in" I get her more stuff, do more stuff for her than her boyfriend does for her" aka out to dinner, gifts, surprises, hanging out ect.

He's a good guy and all, he just doesn't know how to be Mr.boyfriend. My friend loves him like crazy.

I want to tell her that but i don't want to break her heart, and i also know that she'd say yes and put it off. In short: She'd say "yeah..." and then be whatever about it.

It's troubling to know that if her boyfriend isn't being Mr.boyfriend, and I essentially treat her well, then what the heck is he doing?

:(

[esaul17]

Um, oops.

I meant in" I get her more stuff, do more stuff for her than her boyfriend does for her" aka out to dinner, gifts, surprises, hanging out ect.

He's a good guy and all, he just doesn't know how to be Mr.boyfriend. My friend loves him like crazy.

I want to tell her that but i don't want to break her heart, and i also know that she'd say yes and put it off. In short: She'd say "yeah..." and then be whatever about it.

It's troubling to know that if her boyfriend isn't being Mr.boyfriend, and I essentially treat her well, then what the heck is he doing?

:(

I'll say that if she loves him, he is probably doing something right. Buying dinner, gifts, etc. can be seen as needy and supplicating. Often it leads to guys saying girls like jerks when they just like someone who makes them feel like an equal opposed to putting them on a pedestal. I don't see how he isn't "good for her".

By all means do nice things for your friend if you want, but don't do it feeling like you are doing his job. She seems to love him and be happy with him from what you said, so he is being "Mr. Boyfriend" just fine.

[Sarah]

Bub is said to put on at least half a pound each week from now on. I'm not looking forward to carrying the extra weight around but again, it's worth it if that means she isn't born prematurely I guess. The lesser of two evils.

[Louis]

So, I think I might have the longest post to start out the thread. I'm going to be honest, I've got a lot bouncing around in my head. It's gotta go somewhere.

- - -

4 months ago, Rachel broke up with me. I don't think I've really discussed the circumstances under which she and I broke up with anyone here, let alone with anyone I know outside of the LP Association. I haven't really had anyone to vent my frustrations too, considering there's no one right now I really know of who is where I am, under similar circumstances.

For the 6 weeks prior to that, I was in Europe. Rachel and I had been just fine going into my departure, and nothing really happened during those 6 weeks that I'd consider detrimental to our relationship. I did what I could to stay in touch with her, finding computers at the various hotels I stayed at or utilizing whatever wi-fi I could find / pay for to e-mail her or contact her via Facebook. I bought her a few gifts considering I had a great amount of money left over from necessary purchases. I was feeling very confident about our relationship.

However, prior to my departure, we did agree to discuss where our relationship would go. At that stage in time, she was just about to attend university (she now is at Arizona State University).

So, upon my return, we hung out each of the three days I had between my return and Band Camp. The first two days were great. I gave her my gifts, we spent a lot of quality time together. I was really happy. However, we agreed to talk on the last night.

What it really was all along was that, well, she wanted to break up with me and was waiting before school started for me to do so.

That night was perhaps one of the most miserable nights I ever had. Although the relationship wasn't terminated in such a way as was negative or bad, it wasn't what I wanted. The conversation was almost a microcosm of what I feel our relationship was at times, which I guess is why part of me is so bitter still.

Essentially it was that we were hanging out for a while, and then she asked if we could talk and I said yes, and then I asked her, "So what do you think we should do?" As I expected, she asked me the same question, which makes sense in retrospect considering that she wanted to hear what I thought first. I guess part of what upset her so much that night was my response.

My response was that I felt optimistic about our relationship and that I felt we could continue. She was only going to ASU, and I would still be at Corona, and the two are only, what, 9-10 miles apart? Given she'd be staying at the dorms, I didn't think our relationship would be unmanageable. I told her that considering what we'd been through together as a couple, I felt we could continue and evaluate our relationship at certain points during her time in college and see if we needed to change anything then.

She felt otherwise.

Her explanation was simply that she thought it'd be unfair to both of us to keep going, to hold me back from high school events like dances, and so on. Perhaps, I could probably say that maybe there was truth in her statements.

But I guess, she sugar-coated everything. I think she was done with me. No matter how she puts it, I don't believe anyone would just end a relationship without feeling it had to end. She didn't like something about it. Knowing her, I know she would have been fine with continuing if she still felt confident about it. But obviously, she was not, and she never explained why or how.

So, considering the nature of the contrast of our opinions, it had to go her way and our relationship was done.

The following weeks were very troubling. There were times when I ignored her, and she understood that, because I was grieving. Eventually, she complained because she "wanted to talk to her friend." So I made an effort to talk to her more, although it was against what my heart wanted. I still loved her, I still wanted to be her friend, but I hated her for what she did to me. It hurt.

It's tradition for marching band alumni to visit on Homecoming, but the night she did was awkward and I tried avoiding her a lot of the time. My feelings were rushing back to me, and I guess, I just didn't want to confront that. However, we did manage to talk once that evening, but apparently afterward she was really upset. I called her and messaged her, apologizing for my action, trying to explain that I felt too upset to talk to her.

That following Monday, she said that we should stop being friends for a while, considering that things weren't going to work the way they were. Reluctantly, bitterly, and sadly I agreed. I didn't really have much of a choice, again.

So we didn't talk for about a month, and over the course of that month I started missing her horrendously. I was beginning to forget about my feelings and really just started missing the friendship we had. After that month, I sent her a long e-mail explaining myself and asking for us to find our reconciliation. She agreed, and we began talking again, and things were going well, for a while, at least.

However, what came with talking to her again was feeling for her what I had felt before. I still loved her as much I tried to deny it.

But it also didn't help when she would vent to me about how she had feelings for somebody else. That's when I really couldn't handle my emotions. I would cry every single night because there was the end of any sort of chance I had to get her back. I lost the one girl I had, and now with my feelings still there, I had no chance.

And then there was bitterness, too. She got over me so damn quickly. She was done before I could even start to grieve. I don't think she really realized, or currently understands, how much that hurts.

However she seemed to know after a while that I still had feelings for her, and like previous situations (like when I had feelings for another girl named Alex 3 years ago), she wasn't happy. Eventually, it got to the point where she said she couldn't handle dealing with her feelings for Mack at ASU and my feelings for her. I tried calling her to reconcile but her roommate eventually got involved, and they both told me to back off and give her her space until she felt she could find a solution.

That was November 16. We haven't talked since. She's blocked me on all chats, and with all my feelings and confusion, I've done the same, leaving only e-mail or phone for her to call me. So far, nothing has happened.

And quite honestly, I am more miserable than I have ever been in my entire life. I have never felt so lonely, I have never felt so hated and lost, I've never felt so guilty and ashamed, so confused. And I've never felt so heartbroken and crushed. I hate myself and I hate my life as it is. Just because I couldn't keep her, because I wasn't enough for her. I feel so inadequate.

As a result, my ambition for just about everything is gone. I've lost interest in a lot of things. I don't really like hanging out with my friends anymore, and they don't really seem to mind me not being around because they all have their own interests anyway. The one person who was under the same circumstances as me got his girl back and they're doing great.

And so, effectively, I have no one. I have nothing to distract me, nothing to make me feel any better. I want her but I know I can't have her and I also can't even see us being together. I'm stuck. I love her, can't have her, and yet, it's like, I don't want her anymore. I don't want this pain anymore.

I just feel so worthless and I feel like it's my fault, like I screwed up. I did something, or various things, to make this happen, to have her break up with me, to have her stop talking to me.

She has so much going for her and all I'd be doing anyway is bringing her down. And yet I need her. But yet I don't want to be a part of her life because all I've done is ruin it. It doesn't even make sense, and everything just contradicts itself. I've just begun to hate everything: my life, my school, living in this house, living in this city.

I hope I get accepted to an out-of-state college so I can get the fuck out of here and a get a new life. And yet, I still want my chance with Rachel. And yet, I don't have a damn chance. I've failed and it's effectively permanent.

As it stands, I have nothing. I am completely unhappy. I lost her, and I am never getting her back. I don't know how to get over her, and I don't know if I will.

I hate this. Every bit of it.

Help me.

[Luke]

Louis, I'm no expert on the matter, but it's how relationships go sometimes dude. Sometimes one person (or both) simply decide they don't want to be in a relationship anymore - it doesn't mean to say you've done anything wrong.

This is obviously a critical time in her life because she's started college and for alot of people going to college is wiping the slate clean and moving on to experiencing and trying new things. It doesn't mean to say she hates you and wants to get rid of you, it's simply because she feels she needs to move on which, although painful to you, can't be prevented.

You'll understand when you go to college and I strongly advise you do go to an out of state college because that will be a huge step towards moving past her. You're gonna meet new people and be in new surroundings and you're gonna completely move past this pain you're feeling. I know you're feeling like crap right now because you really liked her and I know it sucks to end something that you wanted for a long time and seemed to make alot of sense but you will get past it, move on and meet someone who will want to be with you.

As far as not having anyone to talk to about it you've got this place to vent and to get any advice you need. You can PM me whenever you want aswell. I know this is all so cliche but it really is true - you will move on and the pain you have is only temporary. Just hang in there dude. :)

[Andrea]

Bub is said to put on at least half a pound each week from now on. I'm not looking forward to carrying the extra weight around but again, it's worth it if that means she isn't born prematurely I guess. The lesser of two evils.

Not to be mean, but please see Derek's main post above. We are stressing for a change in GSYWTLO. Please follow it. ;)

[Arlene]

Louis: Ugh, what a sucky situation. I agree with you that there had to be more to it than "distance" and holding you back. 9-10 miles is not a big deal, at all. My current boyfriend lives 22 miles away and it's really not that big of a deal...my ex boyfriend lived even further away and we managed to make things work. My current boyfriend's ex-girlfriend broke up with him right before going away to school as well...and she was only going 45 minutes away. And I think that was just because she wanted to feel open and free to start a new relationship with someone new at school, which I believe was part of what Rachel was thinking. College is generally a fresh start for people, and she probably wanted to feel completely attachment-free to home, and be open to the new things she was experiencing. Does that make sense? Of course, I think that sucks. If she honestly cared about you and your relationship she would have been able to make it work and wouldn't have felt held back by it.

I understand the loss you feel...it's hard to lose someone that you truly care about. (I've been able to move past my ex-boyfriend because I feel that he was unfaithful to me so feeling sad over him for too long would be a bad thing, but it still hurt so, so bad. I felt very lost for a while.) But honestly, if you aren't what she wants (which I would not blame yourself for that...I don't think she was trying to move away from you as much as she was trying to move towards something unknown and new) then I would try not to dwell on her too much. Feeling sad about it is fine and natural, but I think you need to get on that path of letting her go, rather than hoping that it will work out between you two. If you're meant to be (I know this sounds ridiculous) then you will be somewhere down the road, but at this point in time, you two being together doesn't seem like that's what's meant to be. So...let her go. If she comes back somewhere later in life, that's great and maybe you guys can have a beautiful, successful relationship but don't dwell on what could have been or what could be. Live your life for now, and cherish the love that you two felt for each other. :hug:

[Louis]

Arlene and Luke, thank you. I appreciate it.

However, I do have a question. How am I really supposed to cherish that love? It's not here anymore. At least, for now, I'm stuck with it. All it's done for me is cause me to suffer and I'm not sure how to get past it. All I can think of, looking around, watching other people in good, healthy relationships is see how mine went sour just because I liked her more than she liked me. It bothers me how she managed to shake it off so fast, how I'm never going to get that chance again. Looking back, everything just hurts. I can't appreciate any of it because of how it is now. I feel like it's wrong that I feel this way, but that's how it is right now. I can't enjoy any of it, because now all I think of is how heart-broken I feel.

And it's just, she won't come back. I know she won't. And I'm not sure if I could manage another relationship with her. I don't want that heartbreak again. And I hate how I can say that and yet not manage to detach myself from her.

I just need to know where to start, how to start. I've tried closing all channels of communication for now, hoping to evade any sort of reminders. Getting my mind off her is so hard, though. I don't know what to do.

[Arlene]

Louis: What I mean by cherishing the love that you had, maybe you're not ready to get to this point just yet, but try to think of the positive things in the relationship that made you so happy and appreciate that time when you felt so happy and don't...regret how things happened. I try to think of things that way with Josh...I was very happy for a while, things went sour, and rather than focusing on the bad things I try to think of those beautiful times with him. I think it'll take you some time to get to that place but you will, hopefully. Just hang in there, hon, and I know that you're in a rut but you will get out of it and you will be happy again soon. <3

(Derek: Fail on the "GSYWTLO"...you put the L and T mixed up :P)

[Derek The Infamous]

No Arlene, you fail for pointing out my fail :P. Fixed.

[Arlene]

No Arlene, you fail for pointing out my fail :P. Fixed.

Hey, I've just got your back man :D

[Derek The Infamous]

Hey, I've just got your back man :D

Hahaha I know. I rush things a lot and don't realize I've typo-ed till days later. I'm always on the move lol.

[[TDWP] Jacob]

So. Maybe I don't feel as strongly as I thought I did. Don't get me wrong. I love her and all. but maybe not as much as I thought. Victoria, my ex, has come back into my life and I realize that i still love her. She just belittles Reyna in my mind right now. Like I said I do love Reyna and I care about her alot and her and I shared something special, at least for me. But maybe not as much as I care for Victoria. She was my first love. I gave her my heart along time ago and I guess I never got it back completly. Supposedly Victoria still loves me but she just doesn't want to hurt me again. I'm not really sure I believe that.Maybe they are equal. That's probably what it is. Lord knows how Reyna feels about me. Doubt she still loves me,if she ever did, because she is with this other dude now. As if I never happened. It's just crazy and in the middle of being conflicted with Reyna and Victoria I like this girl Viviana, who probably doesn't like me like that. She has always been a good friend to me and recently I have been feeling stuff for her. I'm so confused and don't know what to do. Reyna is long gone so I can't do anything about her. What should I do. Should I try to get Victoria back or should I see if I can turn this thing with Viviana into something? What do you guys think?

[Derek The Infamous]

So. Maybe I don't feel as strongly as I thought I did. Don't get me wrong. I love her and all. but maybe not as much as I thought. Victoria, my ex, has come back into my life and I realize that i still love her. She just belittles Reyna in my mind right now. Like I said I do love Reyna and I care about her alot and her and I shared something special, at least for me. But maybe not as much as I care for Victoria. She was my first love. I gave her my heart along time ago and I guess I never got it back completly. Supposedly Victoria still loves me but she just doesn't want to hurt me again. I'm not really sure I believe that.Maybe they are equal. That's probably what it is. Lord knows how Reyna feels about me. Doubt she still loves me,if she ever did, because she is with this other dude now. As if I never happened. It's just crazy and in the middle of being conflicted with Reyna and Victoria I like this girl Viviana, who probably doesn't like me like that. She has always been a good friend to me and recently I have been feeling stuff for her. I'm so confused and don't know what to do. Reyna is long gone so I can't do anything about her. What should I do. Should I try to get Victoria back or should I see if I can turn this thing with Viviana into something? What do you guys think?

The thing is, sometimes what you believe to be love might just be simple infatuation. Are you sure you really "love" any of the people you have named above in that post? I say this because I do the same thing on occasion, and confuse strong feelings/attraction for pure unrequited love, when it's really not. It's best to make sure what you have is truly love first before making a decision; because if you break one heart to win another, and then realize you've made a mistake it may too late to fix what has already been broken.

My suggestion is to not make a move on any of them. Stop; take a breath, and think to yourself "is what I feel really LOVE or am I just confusing my need to be with someone, for true honest feelings?"

If you answer yes to the last question, then you're not ready to date anybody again just yet.

[Jesse]

So I've been writing a lot lately. (But a lot has been lost, sadly because my HD was ruined) I guess the reason for it is to give myself an output for venting my frustration. With my getting over one girl, falling for another thing. The "Friends Suck" phase, parents being totally impossible, and a whole lot of other gigantic family slew-pits. Most of the stories suck, I admit, they're basically just rants with characters. But I think I do have some good ideas there, that if I worked on a bit I could make them into something that's not only readable but actually good. Not great, not epic but just simply good. The reason I post here is that I've been thinking about trying to publish some works of mine, maybe submiting them to magazines, (I've done only a little research on that) the thing is, a lot of my work would end up offending about 85% (random guess!) of my family, since there are atheistic themes (all of my family is religious), sexual themes, gore, and violence. Once, my mom found a short story I wrote, this was a few years ago. She asked me who wrote it, and told me that it was garbage and the stuff couldn't be allowed in her home. (this was actually an erotic story, about a woman falling for a murderer)

Anyway I'm wondering if I could go ahead and try to get some things publish knowing that my family does Not approve. Also I'd like advise from anyone if they knew how to get started on the actually publishing such as tips and such. A weird request but it has really been bugging me.

[Derek The Infamous]

Jesse, you ultimately control your own fate and whatever you want to do with your life is your prerogative. Your parents [like most] will try to tell you what to do, or at least guide you on your path in life...but if being a writer is what you want to do in life, go for it. Whatever you feel will make you both happy and successful.

[Jen]

Jesse, I sent you a PM regarding the publishing information, I hope it helps.

I agree with Derek's advice to you as well. Doing what you need to do for your own happiness is the best thing to do, regardless of whether its going to make your family happy.

[Jesse]

Thank you both Derek and Coraline, I think I agree with both of you. I fear that my older sister will try to exercise me though. :lol: (I wish I were joking)

[Derek The Infamous]

Thank you both Derek and Coraline, I think I agree with both of you. I fear that my older sister will try to exercise me though. :lol: (I wish I were joking)

You mean exorcise lol.

[Jesse]

You mean exorcise lol.

I do. Thanks. They're both scary. :lol:

[Sarah]

I feel like exploding my face off at him at the moment.

I've walked around the hot weather trying to organise money and a new house and where is he? Not at work, but at his parents place and I need him to be on the lease because he works and we have a better chance of getting it together than if I go at it alone! I need him to photocopy his ID and he's treating it as it's a complete joke! He's really starting to push my buttons that boyfriend of mine. He knows that I hate living here with his unmedicated whingy housemate and that I want out. Why is he trying to delay my happiness? Am I getting upset over nothing? I have Christmas right around the corner and since Mum and Dad have legally divorced now and can't bare to be within 500 feet of each other, I've got have Christmas early with my stepdad Steve and his daughter Vanessa on the 19th. On top of that, since getting this loan out, I'm poorer $33 a fortnight. I've hardly got any furniture, probably hardly any money to buy brand new furniture (ahh, the loveliness of op shopping) and this is how he treats it....like a joke? I'm hot, I'm annoyed.

[Kæton]

I feel like exploding my face off at him at the moment.

I've walked around the hot weather trying to organise money and a new house and where is he? Not at work, but at his parents place and I need him to be on the lease because he works and we have a better chance of getting it together than if I go at it alone! I need him to photocopy his ID and he's treating it as it's a complete joke! He's really starting to push my buttons that boyfriend of mine. He knows that I hate living here with his unmedicated whingy housemate and that I want out. Why is he trying to delay my happiness? Am I getting upset over nothing? I have Christmas right around the corner and since Mum and Dad have legally divorced now and can't bare to be within 500 feet of each other, I've got have Christmas early with my stepdad Steve and his daughter Vanessa on the 19th. On top of that, since getting this loan out, I'm poorer $33 a fortnight. I've hardly got any furniture, probably hardly any money to buy brand new furniture (ahh, the loveliness of op shopping) and this is how he treats it....like a joke? I'm hot, I'm annoyed.
I guess you didn't bother to read what Derek or Andrea had to say regarding the use of this thread? This thread is not to be used as your personal blog. The purpose of this thread has been changed and is now specifically for those who are in need of advice. No where in your post was there even an indication you are seeking advice and considering your posts relate to the same subject over and over, I'm going to go ahead and say you're not looking for it. So as a friendly warning, please re-read Derek's post (the very first post in this thread that explains all this) and abide by those new guidelines. This is the second time a staff member has had to remind you of the purpose of this thread and again, we're asking you to respect those changes. There will be consequences if you continue to ignore those requests. Please do not force it to that point.

Thank you.

[[TDWP] Jacob]

I wonder how she really feels. Does she miss me? Is she happy? Yesterday at boxing she looked really unhappy. At least to me she did. This dude she is supposedly with didn't even like hang out with her from what I saw. I mean I am deeply upset with her and I still made sure she was in the same group as me. Seeing her motivated the hell out of me. I gave it all I had. My friend asked her if seeing me bummed her out and she said "No, He looks happy" which I'm not really. Should I txt her and talk to her? I can't be her friend. I don't have that in me right now. But at the same time if she were to ever call me crying or really needed to talk I would for sure speak to her. I don't know.I still love her no matter what I said to her and I miss her alot. I don't know what to do.Should i stand my ground and keep my distance or should I break my word and approach her about it? I kind of hope she reads this.So she knows whats going on in my head. A response will be even better. I like this thread. I find it more helpful then GSYWTLO.

[Nikki]

That's because GSYWTLO was filled with whinging, gobshite and crocodile tears.

Jacob you need to focus on what you want for a change. While I understand you may still feel some sort of love for this person, are you sure you are not mixing this up with guilt? Are you sure you're not over-reading into her body language and twisting her normal behaviour into a way that suits you? If she needs you so badly, then she will approach you herself - granted I would rather any personal discussion you two have about this situation be kept out of this thread. For the mean time you should stick to sorting your own life (and more importantly: your own heart) out before you look at the rest of the folk around you.

[Derek The Infamous]

That's because GSYWTLO was filled with whinging, gobshite and crocodile tears.

Jacob you need to focus on what you want for a change. While I understand you may still feel some sort of love for this person, are you sure you are not mixing this up with guilt? Are you sure you're not over-reading into her body language and twisting her normal behaviour into a way that suits you? If she needs you so badly, then she will approach you herself - granted I would rather any personal discussion you two have about this situation be kept out of this thread. For the mean time you should stick to sorting your own life (and more importantly: your own heart) out before you look at the rest of the folk around you.

What she said.

100% agreed.

[Theazninvasion68]

I'll say that if she loves him, he is probably doing something right. Buying dinner, gifts, etc. can be seen as needy and supplicating. Often it leads to guys saying girls like jerks when they just like someone who makes them feel like an equal opposed to putting them on a pedestal. I don't see how he isn't "good for her".

By all means do nice things for your friend if you want, but don't do it feeling like you are doing his job. She seems to love him and be happy with him from what you said, so he is being "Mr. Boyfriend" just fine.

Thanks you. ^^; I see that I'm just having a bad day. But thank you for helping me realize that your right, he's probably doing something right.

[Sarah]

Okay so here it goes. Every time that one of his friends comes over or we go to see his boss (last reason was because he left his glasses at his place) I get told to stay quiet in the background and not mention my pregnancy at all. We've already had one big fight abou him not attending my birthing classes with me (and going to Portland instead to see his friend from Kempsey) and my sister got pissed off at his attitude and came with me instead, I feel like he's not wanting to take any responsibility at all. What should I do? I feel like he's trying to hide me from his friends and that's making me a bit on edge.

I feel like our relationship as of late is crumbling and we've been together for about five months now and with bub on the way, I don't think I could handle a break up right now.

[[TDWP] Jacob]

Okay so here it goes. Every time that one of his friends comes over or we go to see his boss (last reason was because he left his glasses at his place) I get told to stay quiet in the background and not mention my pregnancy at all. We've already had one big fight abou him not attending my birthing classes with me (and going to Portland instead to see his friend from Kempsey) and my sister got pissed off at his attitude and came with me instead, I feel like he's not wanting to take any responsibility at all. What should I do? I feel like he's trying to hide me from his friends and that's making me a bit on edge.

I feel like our relationship as of late is crumbling and we've been together for about five months now and with bub on the way, I don't think I could handle a break up right now.

Wow I'm sorry :hug:
This guy sounds like a total douche bag.
I am no expert by any means but maybe you should ask him if he is ashamed of the situation you are in. If he answers yes then he needs to go because you dont need any useless people around you during this time. Stay close to your family and friends. Arrange child support or whatever and let him go. I might be wrong though.

[Sarah]

Wow I'm sorry :hug:
This guy sounds like a total douche bag.
I am no expert by any means but maybe you should ask him if he is ashamed of the situation you are in. If he answers yes then he needs to go because you dont need any useless people around you during this time. Stay close to your family and friends. Arrange child support or whatever and let him go. I might be wrong though.

Biologically he's not the father - the father is another issue I'm dealing with after she's born and like I told my boyfriend, I have no intention on putting him as her birth father on her birth certificate. Thankies for the hugs.

[Luke]

Biologically he's not the father - the father is another issue I'm dealing with after she's born and like I told my boyfriend, I have no intention on putting him as her birth father on her birth certificate. Thankies for the hugs.

I want you to think about what I'm gonna type here:

I despise my father. I hate him on just about every level there is possible for never having made the effort to meet me let alone know me. I hate the fact that I'll never know what it was like having a father growing up because I'm already nineteen. I hate the fact that he never made contact with my mother again. I hate just about every aspect of his existance for never being there when I needed him. But his name is on my birth certificate and I would not have it any other way.

Now there are those who would call me crazy for having said that previous sentance but we're talking about biological connections. These connections should never to be severed no matter what the consequence, even in the case of abandonment of offspring. I say this because in due time your child will want to know who their father is - no matter how horrible he was or still may be. By leaving the father's name off your child's birth certificate you're denying their birth right to know who it was who created them.

Also you need to take into consideration that, whether you like it or not, the father has a right to see his child just as much as a child has a right to know who their father is. He might be the definition of evil itself but blood is blood and once you pro-create there's a bind that's been made that cannot be broken. As I've said, I've never met my father, hell, I've never even seen a picture of him but he's still my father and I accept that no matter how much I don't want to.

I wouldn't be one bit happy if he suddenly decided to waltz into my life tomorrow (on the flip side, there's every chance he wouldn't be happy if I did the same thing - he could be living a perfectly happy life without me and my emergence could fuck everything up for him) because he was a selfish prick for leaving when I was born. But at the same time I can acknowledge that myself and my father are two missing pieces in a jigsaw puzzle in each of our lives and no matter if we conciously want to accept it, we are connected by blood and have every right to know who each other is.

I know it's not a decision you want to make because obviously the father has been a complete dick to you. But I want you to think about what I've said because at the end of the day a child not knowing who their parent(s) was is something I can say first hand is heartbreaking - but even a name can go a long way to having some grasp of knowledge of who that parent was. If you fill in that box 'unknown' then you leave your child to wonder any number of things which could easily result in a backlash towards you later in life. So I urge you to think about it long and hard. It's not about what you want or anyone else or even if it would be beneficial - it's about your child having identity.

I hope you make a right choice. Good luck Sarah, I really mean it. :)

[Derek The Infamous]

Biologically he's not the father - the father is another issue I'm dealing with after she's born and like I told my boyfriend, I have no intention on putting him as her birth father on her birth certificate. Thankies for the hugs.

With all due respect: Grow up. What you said above is so reckless and irresponsible for your child, that while others will stand around and be sweet to you..I'm gonna put it like this: You need to stop thinking about yourself, and start thinking about your child otherwise you're going to be a terrible mother.

To be blunt: Whether you like your ex-boyfriend or not, it was his sperm that helped create the child that you are carrying right now. "Bub" wouldn't have been made possible if you didn't have unprotected sex with your ex-boyfriend, but because of the fact you did...and because of the fact you refused to do what every responsible person should do which is WEAR A RUBBER, you're having a child from someone you don't love, and that's a consequence you have to take.

Many people on here are kids from a family that is divorced. Some have never met their father really (like Luke) and would love the opportunity to do so. You mean to tell me that you're going to rob the child of his real father because you think the guy isn't a good guy? Why don't you let the child decide that when he is old enough? The fact of the matter is, this kid is your ex's too like it or not...and he has every right to see his kid and raise him if he wants to.

Now stop thinking so illogically and be a decent parent for once by doing what's right instead of what's fueled by your hate and resentment. My apologies if you think this is rough but SOMEONE has to say this. You need tough love, not ass kissing from people who wont tell you what you're doing is wrong.

[11:54]

Derek has just saved a lot of members from posting about the current topic.

+1

[Theazninvasion68]

Now there are those who would call me crazy for having said that previous sentance but we're talking about biological connections. These connections should never to be severed no matter what the consequence, even in the case of abandonment of offspring. I say this because in due time your child will want to know who their father is - no matter how horrible he was or still may be. By leaving the father's name off your child's birth certificate you're denying their birth right to know who it was who created them.

Also you need to take into consideration that, whether you like it or not, the father has a right to see his child just as much as a child has a right to know who their father is. He might be the definition of evil itself but blood is blood and once you pro-create there's a bind that's been made that cannot be broken. As I've said, I've never met my father, hell, I've never even seen a picture of him but he's still my father and I accept that no matter how much I don't want to.


This, pretty much. Golden advice for you Sarah. Tough as it is, it's true. It's not that any of us are out to mess your life up. Luke here has really set down a great personal example, and one that be dang likely to occur to your child as well. Derek here really did key points. 1)Consequence, 2)to not be fueled by hate and resentment, and 3) wear a rubber.

As for your current boyfriend. It's tough for any man to have to accept that a new being is coming. It frightens some, it amazing some. To the bit of it, tell your boyfriend that you are feeling like you are being put aside, because he may do so unknowingly. Ask him if he's really dedicated to you and all. And yes, have patience explaining. :P

[Sarah]

No I meant I have no intention of putting my boyfriend as the biological father not the other way around. I know as much as I hate Shannon (the biological father) I have to face my problems because it's a different ball game when a child is involved - it would be a lot different if it was only a puppy.

And as for the original problem, I just don't want my parents to think bad of my current boyfriend who has provided so much for me. The fact that I feel like our relationship is crumbling is another problem which I don't know how to raise with him. I feel like if I tell him we're going to have a fight and break up for real. How do I tell him, is another problem for me?

[Derek The Infamous]

Well the reason we all suspected otherwise is because a few months ago you said you didn't want to put Shannon on the birth certificate and that you were going to deny the father the chance to see his kid.

I'm happy you came around.

[Jen]

Sarah if anything, it sounds like he is embarrassed by your pregnancy, and more than likely, its because he doesn't want to discuss over and over again that the baby is not his, and yet you are a couple anyway. I can't find any other reason why he would try to hide you in public situations.

You need to just ask him, and if that is indeed the case, you really need to decide if you are willing to let him continue to treat you, and later on, your daughter, with that lack of respect. He knew you were pregnant when you got involved, and he chose to have a life with you anyway. He either needs to step up and be a man, and be okay with the decision he has made, or you need to focus on what is going to be best for you, and it seems that being without him might be your only option.

[Babali]

I agree with a lot of the advice given above me, but I would like to point out that I think it's kind of disrespectful to tell someone 'wear a rubber next time'.

Jeeze, we all know there are other ways people get pregnant on accident. That's just rude.

[11:54]

Jeeze, we all know there are other ways people get pregnant on accident. That's just rude.

It might be rude, but the world would be in a better situation if people would make smarter decisions instead of having kids when they aren't prepared.

[Derek The Infamous]

Jeeze, we all know there are other ways people get pregnant on accident. That's just rude.

Rude maybe, but I didn't see her saying she was using a condom or using birth control when the baby was conceived. Sometimes you need to be rude to get your point across.

I don't have anything against Sarah as a person; but over the past few months, with all due respect to her...I've heard some rather irresponsible things said by her in regards to her child. Due to the unclear nature of the post I quoted, I felt it necessary to speak up. Sure she didn't mean her ex in that post (which nobody seemed to know judging by replies), but given the history of what was said in the past...it was easy to make such a mistake.

After all, it's her baby...not ours. We're just trying to do our best to help her do the right things for her child. After all, this thread IS for advice. Delivered rudely or not, what I said was just that.

[Sarah]

I wasn't offended at all though and I would've said something if I was...

[Derek The Infamous]

I wasn't offended at all though and I would've said something if I was...

And I respect you for seeing my point of view for what it was (tough advice) and taking my advice in a peaceful way. Not everyone would do that.

[Luke]

And I respect you for seeing my point of view for what it was (tough advice) and taking my advice in a peaceful way. Not everyone would do that.

+1

At the end of the day anything that's said here with regards to your pregnancy Sarah is said only because we want you to be the best mother you can be. You obviously know it's not gonna be an easy task bringing up a kid but we just want to help you in the right direction. You're rather young to be having a child so it's vital you hear various points of views so that you have as much help as possible being a good mother which we're all confident you can be. :)

[Arlene]

Okay so, my best friend Rachel is currently secretly dating a 34 year old father and husband.

She is turning 18 in less than a month. Rachel is by no means an outgoing person so this is extremely odd for me to even begin to grasp. She's only ever had one, obnoxious, immature boyfriend. And suddenly, she confides in me telling me about her situation. She's quite happy.

I am quite repulsed. The guy (Mark) is 34 friggin years old. Almost twice her age. And he's married with a toddler. From what I've heard he has no intention of getting a divorce anytime soon and figuring things out with the child. She told me about things about 3 months ago and I've been stewing over it for a long time, just letting it get to me because I don't know what to say. She seems very happy with him, and he seems very happy with her. But honestly...how can something like that ever work out? Rachel is shy and whatnot...she doesn't even stand up to her parents (for example, all of my friends and her were hanging out, but they told her no because it was snowing a little. I told her that she should just leave and come hang out with us because she has her own car, but she didn't because she didn't wanna upset them/get in trouble.) And yet she expects that as soon as she's 18, that what, they're going to come out with their relationship and her parents will accept it? Her father told her he would kick her out of the house if she got a tattoo- and he wasn't kidding. How the hell would they react to this?

Basically, I'm kinda wondering what everyone thinks I should say. I want to just not say anything because it will drive a wedge between me and Rachel and our friendship and as screwed up as it is she's HAPPY...but I know that I'm the only person who knows and it kind of seems like it's my responsibility to say something to her, about how I feel about it and about how the HELL they plan on making this work? I'm just so...upset, disappointed, repulsed...how can she be tearing that family apart? It seems like she doesn't think that's what she's doing because I don't "understand the situation" but I don't care what the details are. Shouldn't it be simple enough that she's being a home wrecker? That she's sneaking around with a married man, who has a young child to care for? Not only that, I know that they kiss and stuff...they don't have sex because that's very illegal but I know that it's her intention to do so as soon as she's 18.

What the hell do I say to her? And how can I approach this so that I don't ruin our friendship?

[Theazninvasion68]

Okay so, my best friend Rachel is currently secretly dating a 34 year old father and husband.

She is turning 18 in less than a month.

I am quite repulsed. The guy (Mark) is 34 friggin years old. Almost twice her age. And he's married with a toddler. From what I've heard he has no intention of getting a divorce anytime soon and figuring things out with the child.


Shouldn't it be simple enough that she's being a home wrecker? That she's sneaking around with a married man, who has a young child to care for?

What the hell do I say to her? And how can I approach this so that I don't ruin our friendship?


What the..? I know that you and her are best friends and that she confides in you. It may be tough to say, but yeah. Tell her that what she's doing is Very very wrong, and that it will only end horribly as it continues. If she's stubborn about it, let it know that shes a home wrecker and that only pain and anger, upsetness and betrayal is the only thing coming out of it, leaving three people lonely.

How do you confront her? When she confides in you, show disapproval. When she asks whats wrong, tell her that it really makes you unsure on what she's doing. If she continues to ask, tell her that you know what she's doing is wrong and should stop and tell her shes being a home wrecker. A very terrible one. Even if she claims to be happy, in the end, she'll be way worse off.

So be disapproving.
Tell her you feel its very wrong
Say why.
Say something that means she'll be hurt and so will everyone in the end if she keeps going to see him.

It isn't that you "dont understand the situation" its knowing what a home-wrecker does.

It'll likely NOT workout because it's so...just wrong.

Her parents won't accept it.

I'm also willing to bet the guy is just using her as a young-gal kind of thing. =\.

Sorry for the cut-edit job. I was trying to keep the key points standing out for my reply. ><

[Arlene]

Yeah, thanks Mavvy. I suppose it IS as simple as that. I'm just afraid that she won't care and won't listen to me at all. After all she's in "love" with this guy, and he "loves" her too.

Yeah, I think it's due time I intervene...

[Sarah]

Okay so, my best friend Rachel is currently secretly dating a 34 year old father and husband.

She is turning 18 in less than a month. Rachel is by no means an outgoing person so this is extremely odd for me to even begin to grasp. She's only ever had one, obnoxious, immature boyfriend. And suddenly, she confides in me telling me about her situation. She's quite happy.

I am quite repulsed. The guy (Mark) is 34 friggin years old. Almost twice her age. And he's married with a toddler. From what I've heard he has no intention of getting a divorce anytime soon and figuring things out with the child. She told me about things about 3 months ago and I've been stewing over it for a long time, just letting it get to me because I don't know what to say. She seems very happy with him, and he seems very happy with her. But honestly...how can something like that ever work out? Rachel is shy and whatnot...she doesn't even stand up to her parents (for example, all of my friends and her were hanging out, but they told her no because it was snowing a little. I told her that she should just leave and come hang out with us because she has her own car, but she didn't because she didn't wanna upset them/get in trouble.) And yet she expects that as soon as she's 18, that what, they're going to come out with their relationship and her parents will accept it? Her father told her he would kick her out of the house if she got a tattoo- and he wasn't kidding. How the hell would they react to this?

Basically, I'm kinda wondering what everyone thinks I should say. I want to just not say anything because it will drive a wedge between me and Rachel and our friendship and as screwed up as it is she's HAPPY...but I know that I'm the only person who knows and it kind of seems like it's my responsibility to say something to her, about how I feel about it and about how the HELL they plan on making this work? I'm just so...upset, disappointed, repulsed...how can she be tearing that family apart? It seems like she doesn't think that's what she's doing because I don't "understand the situation" but I don't care what the details are. Shouldn't it be simple enough that she's being a home wrecker? That she's sneaking around with a married man, who has a young child to care for? Not only that, I know that they kiss and stuff...they don't have sex because that's very illegal but I know that it's her intention to do so as soon as she's 18.

What the hell do I say to her? And how can I approach this so that I don't ruin our friendship?

Intervene immediately! The guy's married with no intention of getting a divorce and sounds to me that he's only using your friend Rachel as his mistress. As her friend you have an obligation to protect your friend especially if she's only 18 in a month. Would what happen if Mark's wife found out about Rachel and Mark? If I was her I would want Rachel's head on a stick. You are right, she has no idea what the situation is and she needs to know desperately.

You need to approach her in the calmest way possible and say to her something like "Look I'm doing this to protect you, as a friend but you have to see what you're doing to this family..." And I would dig into her seriously, but try and put it the nicest way possible, reminding her that you're not attacking her in anyway.

Does that help?

[11:54]

Arlene, you don't intervene. At all. I know she's your friend, but you have to take a back seat on this one and let her find out the hard way. If you do anything, it will only come back to kick YOU in the ass. Even if you try, she'll deny it and you'll probably lose a friend no matter the outcome.

[Arlene]

Ahh! Streesss. Haha. Part of me completely agrees with you Sarah, but part of me agrees with Mike, and I just want her to figure it out herself. I don't know. :(

[[TDWP] Jacob]

Ahhh thats a tough one Arlene. I think you should inform her how you feel about it but have that be it. let her decide what she should do. and as 11:55 said you will probably lose a firend if you try to hard.

[11:54]

Let me tell a story. Though it differs a bit from your situation, it kind of has the outcome that if I would have kept my nose clean, everything wouldn't have been as bad as they were.

When I was like 15, I dated this girl for 2 months. I made the mistake of bringing her around my friends. I thought it would be neat to have a big group thing. We were all young, dumb, and pretty much unstable with how the direction of our friendships were going. I had 3 really good friends, and after I had broken up with her (in a pissed off rage), one of my friends started dating her the next day, and my other (best) friend sided with the both of them in the whole ordeal. Instead of letting everything go and letting my friends find out how she really was, I stuck my nose in there and tried to tell them up front and it only made things worse. She cheated on my friend (who started dating her after me) with my (former) best friend, and no one had found out any of that and how she really was until it actually happened. By that time, I had already done my part in practically destroying whatever friendships I had in trying to tell them what was coming and how she was.

It took me over a year to rebuild my friendships with them again after she was already out of the picture. That's something I wish I would have never went through, but am glad that I did because we won't make those mistakes again (I hope). The thing you need to do, Arlene, is be there for her without encouraging her. You know it's wrong, but if you intervene you could possibly destroy whatever friendship you have with her no matter the outcome. She will see the light one day, but you can't approach her with the "it's wrong and you should stop now".

[Arlene]

Okay so I kind of took both bits of advice in what I decided to do. I had decided to step back and let things roll, but then the guy Mark sent me a message on facebook saying:
"Arlene.... ive wanted to talk to you... to tell you although what we have might look weird and god knows your opinions of me... but i assure you im not out to hurt Rachel or use her. what i have for her is real and unique. i hold her so high in my life and what she is.... the feelings i have will never die. I love her. She loves me. its crazy how all this happened and all. I wasnt going to write id rather say it in person but i dont think you'd mind either way. I know she wants to tell you things and how happy she is. but there is so much more and a lot is so complicated. just know im not a bad person or a creep. she is the last person on the planet id ever want to hurt. i hope you believe me and i told her i would tell you some stuff. I hope to meet you soon... she holds you very high in her life. talk soon.. take care :)"

So I had to reply to him...so I decided to give him a piece of my mind. I will not rant and rave to Rachel though because I don't wanna screw up our friendship, which Mike, you're right about that. So I replied to Mark:
"Mark, honestly, I don't know what you want me to say to you. I believe you that what you and Rachel have is real and you love each other- I don't doubt that, I fully believe in true love. However, that does NOT mean that I agree with it, am happy with it, or think that it's right. I don't give a damn what the situation is and that I don't know all the details. All I know is that you are married and you have a child. Period. I don't care if your wife is a dumb bitch who doesn't treat you right or is a crack whore who doesn't love you. Unless you are going through the motions of getting a divorce and figuring out what is to happen with your child, I honestly don't care. All I see it as Rachel is being a home wrecker. She is the other woman breaking up a family. I love Rachel to death and that's why I care so much. However, I also value my friendship with Rachel and I know that this WILL drive a huge wedge between us if I pursue this any further- because I know she wouldn't listen to a word I have to say (not because it's her, but because most girls do that.)

So that's what I'm leaving you with. I'm not going to bitch about this, or bitch to Rachel about it about how wrong I think it is (I will show her that I disapprove but I will not say anything), because I'm not willing to sacrifice our relationship. I want you to know that, no, I don't think you're a jerk or a bad person because I don't know you and Rachel loves you so you can't be a complete ass hole. However, what the two of you are doing is wrong and I do not agree with it. Again, unless you're going to end your marriage anytime soon, this is wrong, and you both know it."

Precise, honest, bitchy, and I'm not getting completely in their business. Hopefully he'll hear me a little bit at least. If you guys wanna know what he says lemme know, haha.

Thanks for the advice guys...I think this may prove to be helpful? In that I got to bitch to someone but it wasn't my best friend- it was right to the offender. So yeah. Thanks!

EDIT: "i appreciate your honesty.... thats all i asked. and ill let it go. thanks for your time and just know id never hurt her "

That's all he said. Idiot.

[Sarah]

^ If he had any sort of the right mind he would leave either his wife or Rachel for the other IMHO.

Is it just me or is it wrong to make a pregnant woman walk 15 minutes in 40 deg heat and refuse to pick her up from the shops ("You're pregnant not disabled!" (Dispite my pregnancy I also have gallstones)) while nothing productive is being done at home? Was I right to threaten to leave the relationship between my bf and me yesterday?

I dug into him severely yesterday for not picking me up from the shops because of the heat outside hadn't died down at all, I had sore feet and a sore back. Then I dug into him about the whole not attending my birthing classes which I STILL think he was being a total ass towards me, my sister and my child. How was he suppose to know when I go into labour and what to do? What happened if there were complications in my labour and he didn't know what to do? Is he going to piss off to Portland while I'm in labour? What happened if I was in labour while he was in Portland and 'had no way getting back because Simon (his friend) was too drunk to drive? I threatened to leave the relationship yesterday, based on these questions and a few more. I called him a lazy c***t and walked away. My mother and stepfather are waiting to dig into him about EVERYTHING including his embarrassment about my pregnancy. He finds it cheesy cos I update my pregnancy status on facebook to friends who I can only contact via Facebook i.e. Tabitha who lives in Broken Hill. I told him that pregnancy was a beautiful thing and regardless of who the father is, it is a beautiful thing, and pregnancy should be celebrated and seen as a pretty thing. I told him why my mum takes pregnancy photos of me - because out of the many years to come, it only lasts 40 weeks of the coming years.

I want to leave him - but I don't know what side of me is saying that, rational Sarah or hormonal pregnant Sarah? But at the same time, he's going out of his way to find me a place where we are away from our housemate when he gets back on Monday. But at the same time, I want to make this relationship last. How can I make our relationship last or am I just in self-denial?

[Arlene]

Sarah I honestly think it's your hormonal side talking...I mean, take it easy on the guy. How long have you two been together? Remember he just kinda jumped into your relationship and it got serious very quickly because of your pregnancy and that would make things kinda difficult for him. Yknow? Although I do agree that he shouldn't have left you waiting around...had he said he would pick you up?

And I agree that Mark should leave one of them. He seems extremely immature.

[Sarah]

No he just told me it was my own fault for being out and doing Christmas shopping and that I should just deal with it.

[Arlene]

...That's kinda insensitive and dumb. I dunno..hmm

[Sarah]

Well I'm going to Sydney a day earlier than him to have some time apart and talk things through with my mum, so I hope that helps.

[Theazninvasion68]

Sarah: As tough as it is, he's planning for the long-term, apparently. I mean, when a guy goes out of his way to find his girl to have and raise peacefully, that's a next step-up on the commitment scale. And you know? That's serious commitment. As Arlene said, things kinda got the ball rolling really really quick. Just take a breath, everything will be okay. ^_^. Silly things such as arguing about christmas shopping and stuff like that is upsetting, but its both of you to blame, not one or the other. (Refusal to be taken, and Refusal to be of assistance)

And Sarah, i want to say it's okay to be abit disabled i mean....

Your child is coming close to its Due date. It's okay to be pregnancy-disabled. No shame really, you just need abit of extra support on more often than usual.

[Louis]

I know it seems almost too related to my last post, but, how do you get past wanting someone you can't have?

[Amanda]

We're moving soon. I need help figuring out the best amount of money to be saved. As of right now, I have about $1500 saved. My girlfriend has almost $20,000 (obviously she will be okay) but I would like our bills to be split equally. We'll be paying rent, electric, heat/hot water, cable, internet and groceries. We plan on looking for apartments in the beginning of April. How much should I set as a goal for myself to have saved by then?

[Arlene]

Amanda: I'm not great with figuring numbers like that, but being in the city, rent will be much higher than somewhere else, right? You should have at least another couple thousand saved, I'd think.

--

Ugh, so I'm confused. Steve smokes pot occassionally. And I really hate it. I'm completely straight edge; I don't even really like to drink. At first, Steve made it sound like the only reason he smoked was a peer pressure thing, to fit in with the people he was hanging out with, but yesterday he finally admitted that he enjoys smoking. I kinda figured but just hearing him say that he LIKES to smoke just made it...different. I was just hoping that he was giving into peer pressure (ha nice right?) but now I know that he actually enjoys smoking. I suddenly feel repulsed and disappointed and disgusted. I told him last night how I felt, because I didn't wanna pretend that it doesn't bother me. He's known that I don't like him smoking, so he doesn't smoke around me, which I appreciate, but I've always kinda accepted it saying "please be careful and don't do anything stupid, because I'm concerned and I care about you." I don't feel like being accepting about it anymore. I hate it. I think it's disgusting. And I'm so repulsed that he likes to smoke and get high. It just bothers me greatly. (I know there are a few of you on here who smoke fairly regularly and I'm not trying to offend anyone. I just really don't like any smoking in general. I don't even mind the high...I just don't like the smoking. Make some pot brownies if you have to...smoking is just so unhealthy and disgusting.)
So last night when he told me he was hanging out with that group of friends I asked him if they would be smoking and he was honest and said that yes, they would be. Okay...so at least he's being honest. So I asked him why he needed to smoke and that's when he told me that he enjoys smoking. So I just said "whatever, Steve. have fun." I didn't talk to him for the rest of the day and he didn't text me or anything either. When I was going to bed I felt kinda bad because we always say goodnight to each other so I texted him saying "I just wanted to say goodnight and i love you. i feel pretty upset with you and your decisions and I was hoping my feelings would change it but I guess not." He responded with "it's not like i even smoke that much. I'm sorry you feel that way but I really do love you honey." [as i'm typing this I feel like I blew things out of proportion...ugh.] So then I was texting him again tonight and he straight up said that he knows how I feel about him smoking, but he's not going to stop smoking because it's a part of who he is. So I said "so you're not even going to consider stopping even though you know how much it upsets me? If there was something about me that you didn't like, I would change myself the best I could." And he guilted me by saying "I accept you for who you are." He then said that I was blowing things out of proportion and then compared smoking to drinking (because I generally accept drinking) saying that drinking is no better if not worse than smoking but I don't get on his case about drinking. Which was a good point. So I just gave up. But it still bothers me and I just wish he would...stop. If I was doing something that he hated this much, I would try my best to stop or change for him. Why can't he do that for me?

I guess my questions are a) am I being way too hard on him and being a huge bitch and b) should I just let it go and not try to change him?

[Louis]

Arlene, here's what I have to say.

A) I don't believe you're being too hard on him. I believe you are voicing your concerns as you should, and you have every right to be concerned. Smoking Pot isn't the best thing for you, and it's understandable that you don't like it and that it bothers you that Steve is doing so. You shouldn't feel like it's unreasonable for you to dislike it, and you shouldn't feel it unreasonable for you to voice your concerns. You're not being a huge bitch. I believe being a huge bitch would be saying, "If you don't stop smoking, we're over." And here's why.

B) I don't necessarily believe you should let it go. I'm afraid to answer this question for you because I think that it's more important that you consider these things beforehand. First, what he said does make a good point, and it's something you should think about. He does accept you for who you are. I believe that asking him to change for you, and mentioning that you would change anything in a moment for him, might be a bit too much to put on his shoulders, let alone that it ended up provoking him to say what he did. You have to understand that it is a part of who he is: he enjoys it. Is it right? Well, that's up to him. You may disagree with it, and he acknowledges that, and I'm sure he cares about you. You even mentioned that he won't do it around you. But, ultimately, it is his choice, and it's not up to you to decide or, I suppose, greatly impact what he does.

My suggestion would really be to sit down and talk with him about it, and perhaps explain thoroughly (if you haven't already) why it concerns you so much. You obviously care about him, and you obviously disapprove of his actions, let alone that you care about his well-being. If he doesn't know thoroughly, you should explain, but calmly and patiently. Most likely, he'll have something to say (as judging by this post, he always does), and you should listen to him attentively. If he doesn't want to stop doing it, then don't force it on him, and unless it truly hurts you, it should be left alone for him to deal with.

I know this isn't necessarily what you want to hear, and I understand that. However, he obviously cares about you and you obviously care about him. Make that fact known, and explain to him that what you say and what you want isn't for you, but for him. You will find some common ground, I'm sure. And who knows, maybe he'll stop. Just, think about him as well in the sense of his personal interests.

I hope this wasn't too confusing, and I hope that this is somewhat helpful. I hope all goes well with Steve. :)

:hug:

[Arlene]

Thanks Louis. :) I talked to one of my friends (and his only ex girlfriend) about it last night and she said kinda similar to what you said, but I like what you said better. :P She basically said just to talk it through because it will most likely lead to something messier and we should try to work out the problems now before we regret not taking action. She also said to kinda do what you said not to...to give him an ultimatum like "if you don't stop we're gunna have to break up" but I can't do that...because I would never actually do that. I would like to say that I could have that power to make him stop but that's just not right...that's not even just taking away his right to smoke, it's more than that. That would be me dominating his life and I do not want to do that. So yeah...I'm leaving New Hampshire today to go home, and I'm gunna see him tonight. I'll talk things through with him, but I honestly don't think it's gunna go much of anywhere...it'll settle with him telling me he's smoking so I know about it and that's that.

Hopefully down the road he'll grow out of it...I honestly think it's a maturity thing. And I know he doesn't depend on smoking...Alora (my friend, his ex) said that he had basically stopped smoking when they were together because they were with each other almost 24/7 and he wouldn't smoke around her. Unfortunately I can't see him that often. Oh well...I do know he's capable of giving it up but *shrug* he doesn't seem to want to...so I dunno.

Thanks again Louis :hug:

[Louis]

No problem, Arlene. I just believe an ultimatum is selfish unless it's something extremely serious. Given, this isn't a light issue, it's not something that would really factor in to you guys hurting one another and it being a problem down the road in the relationship. It's something he needs to work out with himself, and subtly, you need to guide him through it.

I'm sure you will be fine and that things will work out. Just be patient and understanding, and a solution will be found. I wish you two all of the best. :)

[Arlene]

Okay so it's been kinda resolved that...since he's not ready to change, I can't make him change and I'm not going to force him to. So instead he's just gonna let me know when he's going to be smoking so that I know at least. I'm not happy about it but I can't change him if he doesn't want to be changed (and it's not enough for me to want to break up with him.)
It's definitely got me stressed out though. Last night for example, his friend Nate was like "dude lets get mad people together to go sledding while fucked up" on facebook, and then later Steve texted me saying that he might be going sledding. So I was like "Alright, so you tell me I have no reason to be concerned when you're smoking, but you're going to go sledding late at night while fucked up? I think that's a LOT of reason to be concerned." Apparently he didn't realize that Nate wanted to go high so yeah. They didn't end up going. But for the little while that I thought he was, I was lying in bed for almost 2 hours, wide awake because I was so freakin' worried. But then he texted me saying that he didn't feel like hanging out (hopefully because he knew how I felt about it) and I fell asleep within 5 minutes. Although, a few minutes after I fell asleep he texted me saying "Although I am drinking." Bzuh? He hasn't responded to my question of "I thought you were staying home?" yet but I'm hoping he stayed home and had a few drinks with his brother.

I think it's more than just the pot that bothers me. I think it's any partying in general. I don't like to drink or anything and maybe that's why, I dunno. But it's real concern and I think he's finally starting to realize that...I couldn't fall asleep last night, and then I woke up an hour early this morning with a stomach ache because I was thinking about him going out drinking (after having a 12+ hour day of cleaning with his mom and then work). Yes, I do worry a lot, but that's just the way I am.

I would ask for advice but I don't even know what I can ask. Some people might tell me that ending our relationship would be a good idea for how much what he's doing is stressing me out but I'm not going to do that. Besides those little things, our relationship is amazing- tons better than being with Josh ever was.
I dunno, should I just relax and realize that he's a 19 year old guy that's gonna have a little fun, who doesn't attain Josh's only good quality (being straight edge)?

[Trumtram]

honestly arlene (and you might not think that I'M actually posting something valuable concering you ;)), this is leading to one big disaster.
i see where you coming from because i have almost the same feelings about this whole thing. lived through the struggle about constant discussions about this whole smoking topic myself. it brought me to a place where i am not able to get any serious with a girl when she is a smoker. even though i tried to accept the person in front of me in the past of who she was with her life she decides to live, it never worked out because at some point you really can't hold in the frustration anymore.
reading how it disturbs the hell out of you is an indication of the high level of frustration you seem to carry with you. an advice from my position would be something you don't want to hear and probably everyone around here would disagree with. but seeing a common similarity between us in that point leads to the conclusion that you two either work this out with YOU changing HIM (however you feel about that) or enduring a very uncomfortable future for your relationship.
personally i can't stand myself changing the person that i love so i try to avoid at least THIS habit in the first place.

sorry girl!

[Daniel]

Arlene, I think you might need to just sit back and relax. A few of my close friends are straightedge, and I view it much the same way I view religion; I admire it but personally I'd rather not have people force it on me.

I don't want to get started on the whole "seriousness of marijuana" debate, but it's not like he's out doing heroin or something. Also, if it's more the partying you're worried about, if anything it'd be preferable he's smoking pot than getting stupid drunk. He's much less likely to do something foolish he'll regret (for example, cheating).

Just in conclusion I feel as far as potential relationship problems go, it's probably not that serious. Definitely not worth jeopardising your relationship, anyway.

Just my two cents.

[Arlene]

Thanks guys. Daniel, yeah, I think I'm gonna try to relax a little. I mean, he DOES get drunk sometimes, but not stupid drunk, and honestly even if he was drunk he wouldn't cheat on me. I have absolutely no doubts about that. Nice change, huh? :) (Mostly because he's only ever had one girlfriend, he's very loyal, and this is gonna sound mean, but he's not as attractive as Josh was. And he's definitely not one to just go out for a fling.)
But yeah I suppose that I'll just try to deal with it...as long as he's being honest, that's something right? I don't agree with what he's doing but I can't change him so yeah. In a way I would want to be there just for my own peace of mind, but I don't want to be around when he's "pot smelly" and high. That sucks. But maybe if he's just going to hang out and drink I might try to be with him more. He has said that he'd love to have me around. Only problem is now, I'm back to school after Christmas break and he's off for another 3 weeks, ugh.

Thanks hon. :hug:

[Dean]

Arlene, I think you might need to just sit back and relax. A few of my close friends are straightedge, and I view it much the same way I view religion; I admire it but personally I'd rather not have people force it on me.

I don't want to get started on the whole "seriousness of marijuana" debate, but it's not like he's out doing heroin or something. Also, if it's more the partying you're worried about, if anything it'd be preferable he's smoking pot than getting stupid drunk. He's much less likely to do something foolish he'll regret (for example, cheating).

Just in conclusion I feel as far as potential relationship problems go, it's probably not that serious. Definitely not worth jeopardising your relationship, anyway.

Just my two cents.
Exactly. It shouldn't be that big a deal.

[Trumtram]

Exactly. It shouldn't be that big a deal.
it shouldn't, but from what i get it is.

[Arlene]

Yeah thanks guys. *shrug* It's a big deal to me but I'm working on it. Although I've been feeling very easily pissed off and angry so I went to the gym today and really pushed myself and I feel a lot better.

Steve is currently smoking and I feel okay.

[Trumtram]

i wish you the best of luck!

[11:54]

Arlene, if it upsets you now, then it's something you'll never get over. I get the same way with my friend & even my girlfriend when the subject/situation comes up.

[Arlene]

Mike: I know, but what can I do? He's not going to stop unless he wants to and I can't break up with him over it. I care about him too much.

[[TDWP] Jacob]

So. I have an extremly restless mind. If I have something in mind that is bothering me even in the slightest, I can't sleep. I don't know what it is,and when I do sleep I tend to have some nightmares which wake me up an in untimely fashion. I don't know what to do about this. I haven't always had sleeping problems when I had issues. It all started back again a few months ago and I've been pretty quiet about it with my parents. This girl just has me thinking alot and it doesn't help me. What should I do? Do you guys know any ways to help clear the mind or something?

[Arlene]

Jacob: I know what you're talking about. The other night for example, I couldn't fall asleep because I knew Steve was thinking about going out late and it had me wired. I was awake for 2+ hours. When he told me that he wasn't going out, I fell asleep within 5 minutes.
It's difficult for me to turn my mind off though. In that situation my mind was set at ease so I was fine, but other times...I just try to think of black silk. Random, I know. Rather than letting thoughts fill my head, I imagine the image and texture of flowing black silk in my head. I definitely understand not being able to turn off the mind.

Besides being weird like me, you can try meditation.

[11:54]

Mike: I know, but what can I do? He's not going to stop unless he wants to and I can't break up with him over it. I care about him too much.

If it were my significant other, and they wouldn't stop, I'd dump them, but that's just me.

[Arlene]

Mike: Well...I put up with a lot. And he doesn't do it allll the time, it's pretty rarely (he's just been doing it more often recently because he's on winter break from school. If he has school or work the next day he doesn't smoke and he has school every day during the week so yeah.)
Well all know how much I put up with with Josh so I'm not just going to drop Steve that easily.

[John]

Mike: Well...I put up with a lot. And he doesn't do it allll the time, it's pretty rarely (he's just been doing it more often recently because he's on winter break from school. If he has school or work the next day he doesn't smoke and he has school every day during the week so yeah.)
Well all know how much I put up with with Josh so I'm not just going to drop Steve that easily.



you're only delaying the inevitable. He won't change that, you can't stand that part of him. You can only take so much.Sorry, it's the truth.

[Arlene]

I hear you guys but I'm not at that point where I'm breaking up with him. If it gets to that point then I'll take care of things accordingly but it's fine for now.

[John]

I hear you guys but I'm not at that point where I'm breaking up with him. If it gets to that point then I'll take care of things accordingly but it's fine for now.

I understand, but we want what's best for you. The more time you spent with him the more attached you're gonna become and it will be more painful to break up with him.

[Jen]

Arlene, here's a few things to consider too:

Does he treat you any differently when he's stoned? Does he smoke when you are there?

You can't try to change someone, most likely you knew he smoked before you got together, and it didn't bother you then, so whats the difference? If you love him, you have to accept him for everything that he is, even if its not what you want him to be like. He keeps a job and goes to school, so obviously he's not wasting his life, and he treats you well, so I don't see what the problem is other than you not agreeing with his occasional smoking habit. He's not forcing you to try it, so its not really going to affect your life or your health.

[Arlene]

Arlene, here's a few things to consider too:

Does he treat you any differently when he's stoned? Does he smoke when you are there?

You can't try to change someone, most likely you knew he smoked before you got together, and it didn't bother you then, so whats the difference? If you love him, you have to accept him for everything that he is, even if its not what you want him to be like. He keeps a job and goes to school, so obviously he's not wasting his life, and he treats you well, so I don't see what the problem is other than you not agreeing with his occasional smoking habit. He's not forcing you to try it, so its not really going to affect your life or your health.

This is exactly what I've been thinking about. No, he's only smoked around me once but he didn't treat me any differently. I was upset that he smoked around me, so he hasn't and will not smoke around me again.
He does keep a job and school very well and he isn't throwing his life away at all. It's just a stupid social thing he does that I very strongly dislike. But yeah I agree with your advice.

Everyone telling me to break up with him, I understand where you're coming from and I know you care about me etc, but as Jen pointed out: he doesn't treat me poorly, he doesn't ever smoke around me, he spends a lot of time with me, he keeps up great grades in school and holds down responsibilities. I'm not breaking up with him over this.

[F-ck Casey]

man, i'll never get why people are so vehemently against smoking weed. if he doesn't treat you any differently, then what's the problem? maybe he doesn't like you drinking a diet coke infront of him, what's the big deal? honestly, i really don't understand and i would like to. maybe i'm just fortunate when it comes to this issue, since my girlfriend is a pretty big fuckin' stoner in her own right.

oh, yeah. i also have a little thing i'd like to get some input on: i've been dating my lady for about a month now, but we've dated off and on for the better part of 4 years. we both want to get a place together, and it's looking likely that it will happen. people at my place of work say i'm crazy to do that, since i've only been dating her a month... but the total combined amount of time over the years i've been with her is like, a year or something. also, what does it matter? i'm not even really looking for advice, just want some input. like arlene, i'll still do what i feel is right.

oh, and the creeper's name is very appropriate. :P

[11:54]

man, i'll never get why people are so vehemently against smoking weed.

Because a lot of people don't like it. It's gross and stupid thing to do, weather you like it or not.

[Arlene]

Casey: Well, the thing for you that I'd think about the most is why you two weren't together strongly for that year. I mean, if you had issues that you kept breaking up and getting back together and breaking up...it might not be such a great idea. However if you just weren't really "a thing," then that's a different story. I think you need to do what you think is right. If you honestly think that you two living together would be a wise, comfortable decision, you should do it. Just be sure before you make the decision, because if one of you backs out the other would be stuck with rent and a mess, yknow? Good luck.

Oh, and yeah I'm against pot, but I think I'm just basically against any smoking in general. I think it's a really silly, self-destructive habit. I also think it has something to do with the fact that my mother smokes and I hold some resentment for her when she was drinking heavily and being an asshole. (The smoking and drinking weren't necessarily connected it's just that I associate smoking with her habits which makes me think of that rough period where she was drinking heavily.)

[Daniel]

Because a lot of people don't like it. It's gross and stupid thing to do, weather you like it or not.

That's your opinion. My opinion is that it isn't really a serious enough reason to end an otherwise happy relationship.

Arlene has already stated she's not going to break up with him over it, so what's the big fucking deal? I'm sorry if that comes off harsh but it seems some people here are pressuring her to end the relationship when she's already come to her own decision otherwise.

[11:54]

That's your opinion. My opinion is that it isn't really a serious enough reason to end an otherwise happy relationship.

Arlene has already stated she's not going to break up with him over it, so what's the big fucking deal? I'm sorry if that comes off harsh but it seems some people here are pressuring her to end the relationship when she's already come to her own decision otherwise.

I never said she should break up with him, but if she doesn't like smoking (PERIOD) and he doesn't stop smoking, then it will become an issue later on down the road. Besides, what I posted might be my opinion, but there are a lot of people, even on this board, that feel the same way. A lot of people think smoking in general is gross. If my girlfriend smoked pot on a daily basis, I'd break up with her.

[Louis]

In the end, guys, it is Arlene's decision.

And again, Arlene, just make sure you do what makes you happy. We all support you, and like you said, we want you to be in a relationship that you enjoy. Just make sure that you are happy in this relationship, and that the good things outweigh the bad. :)

[Daniel]

I never said she should break up with him, but if she doesn't like smoking (PERIOD) and he doesn't stop smoking, then it will become an issue later on down the road. Besides, what I posted might be my opinion, but there are a lot of people, even on this board, that feel the same way. A lot of people think smoking in general is gross. If my girlfriend smoked pot on a daily basis, I'd break up with her.

There's also a lot of people on this board who don't think smoking is "gross". But I digress.

So long as Mike doesn't act differently around Arlene I don't see the big deal. As I said before, it'd be far worse (in my opinion) if he was, say, a raging alcoholic. As Louis said, so long as she's happy it should be null and void, and it seems Arlene has largely come to a decision.

[Arlene]

Steve* :P

He's been smoking more often the past few weeks because he's on break from school, but as soon as school starts it'll be very rare when he does smoke. And even when he's off of school it's only once or twice a week so yeah.

Thanks Louis. :) The good things most certainly outweigh the bad things. That's the only bad thing, so, yeah. Haha.

[Arlene]

Okay. Double post, I know.

He broke up with me.
All of my efforts to make things work out for absolutely nothing. Apparently I'm immature and he didn't love me as much as he thought. And he was using me for sex.

He straight up said these things. No sugar coating or anything.

I feel pretty friggin fantastic.

[[TDWP] Jacob]

^^^^^ :hug: whatta douchebag. So so sorry
dudes like that make the rest of us look bad
I apoligize on behalf of my gender.
Need to vent at all you can PM me
You've been there for me now its time for me to return the favor

[11:54]

Okay. Double post, I know.

He broke up with me.
All of my efforts to make things work out for absolutely nothing. Apparently I'm immature and he didn't love me as much as he thought. And he was using me for sex.

He straight up said these things. No sugar coating or anything.

I feel pretty friggin fantastic.

:hug:

Stay single for a while, enjoy yourself.

[Trumtram]

:hug:

Stay single for a while, enjoy yourself.

seconded. i'm sorry arlene!

[Arlene]

Blah, thanks guys. I feel like...so useless and depressed. Josh cheated on me and could never tell me the truth, and Steve is overly honest and can't deal with my little quirks and uses me for sex.

At this rate, I won't be able to trust guys anymore. :cry:

Really bad start to 2010.

[Luke]

Arlene that really sucks. I'm really sorry to hear it.

But chin up though eh? There are certainly guys out there who'd be lucky to have you and who will appreciate you and treat you right. Just hang in there. :)

[Arlene]

Thanks Luke. :)
Honestly, I'm already starting to feel a little better. Mostly because I'm feeling disappointed and disgusted at this point. I was hoping he would realize he made a mistake and want to talk things through and work it out but he said very clearly that we are not getting back together and that things are over. And as soon as I let go of that shred of hope that he would still want me, I realized that I don't want him to want me. Because I don't want someone who only wants to use me for sex. That's just so wrong. Only good thing here is that at least he was honest, and when he realized that he was using me he put an end to it. (Well, put an end to it after he had decided for several days he was going to break up with me, but proceeded to have sex with me...6 times. Thanks.)

This relationship failing was not my fault. So I will not be sad about him anymore.

[Louis]

Oh Arlene, I'm so sorry to hear about this. :(

But you know what? Now you can start a-new. Forget about Josh, and forget about Steve. You can move on now, you can find someone who is more deserving of you and someone who suits your interests. You have a chance to be happy.

I'm glad that you are looking at this in a more positive way, but I know it's hard, so stay strong. And if you need anything, I'm always here for you. :hug:

[Theazninvasion68]

Arlene. They say it's a a new year. Imo, should take advantage of it.

Be thankful that he realized he was doing the wrong thing and it did click in his mind, and that he was honest. :) Could've been worse lol.

But as Louis and Luke said, Chin up and stay strong.

:hug:

[Arlene]

Thanks you two. Yeah I mean I'm pretty upset that he dragged it out but at least he did act on it rather than keeping it going for even longer.

I got pretty pissed off last night and was ranting at him (hoping to make him feel guilty because I do that haha) whenever I thought of something that pissed me off and he totally took it and let me bash him. It made me feel better. But now I'm not angry anymore. I just feel lonely. But I vowed to myself that I wouldn't be sad about him anymore. He made it very clear that we are through, so no sadness.

I'm gonna try to look at this in a positive fashion. It's harder when you aren't angry anymore though.

[_cam_]

I got pretty pissed off last night and was ranting at him (hoping to make him feel guilty because I do that haha) whenever I thought of something that pissed me off and he totally took it and let me bash him. It made me feel better.
He totally deserves it. You should have knock his head off. Well, it's too late. Right now, give yourself a break. Spend your time with your girlfriends shopping or paryting till you drop or going to a yoga class or whatever activities that can help relieve your stress. You are beautiful inside and out. You deserve someone better not those little jerks. They are not even worth a single tear.

[F-ck Casey]

Try and focus on the positives of that relationship. There might not be too many, but I'm sure there is atleast one. Don't dwell on the negative aspects; it won't get you anywhere except back where you started: pissed off and lonely.

[Arlene]

Casey: There were a bunch of good things...we had a great relationship. Thank you.

And thanks Cam. :)

So he texted me today saying that after he's been thinking about it, he realized that he broke up with me because of his own issues, not because of my flaws. He said he wasn't ready for such a committed relationship and he was tired of trying to be the perfect boyfriend. Kinda sucks, but I feel better because a) it's not my fault like he was making it sound and b) it makes much more sense to me now.

So I'm just gunna try to think of the good things and hang onto 'em. :)

[Joe]

Hey Arlene. I know we've never really spoken too much, but I'm really sorry to hear about the break up, especially how it happened. I've been going through a very similar thing over the past few months. Circumstances are a little different but I know how crap it is when a relationship just ends out of nowhere. I know that things can still be really difficult and slightly complicated when relationships end, and I'm not really sure what I'm getting at, but yeah, I hope things work out. You seem to be handling things really well anyway and I just hope you're good. :)

[Arlene]

Thank you Joe. I'm trying to handle it in the healthiest way possible.

If you ever wanna talk about what's going on with you, feel free to PM me. :)

[Joe]

Thanks Arlene. I'll keep that in mind. :)

[Daniel]

Shit, Arlene I'm really sorry to hear that, I did not see that coming at all. The only saving grace is yes, at least he was honest. Chin up :hug: . However, I'm not going to say you'll find someone better et cetera et cetera because, while it is most certainly true, I think you need to stay single for a while. There wasn't much of a break between Josh and Steve, and I know you're the kind of person who really puts all of themselves into a relationship. So I think you need to just stay single and have fun for a while. :hug: again, though.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, so first post in here asking advice for myself. Basically there's this girl, who I'm interested in and she's interested in me. Problem is, she's one of my best friend's ex-girlfriends. They've been broken up for a good couple of months now, and I certainly didn't plan on this happening. But I'm just not quite sure what to do. We've discussed "unofficially" seeing each other for a while before actually announcing it, but I don't know. Thoughts?

[Arlene]

Daniel: Yeah, I do put all of myself into a relationship. I like commitment and all that, haha. And yeah I'm gunna try to do the whole single thing...I just hate to be alone. :(

With your situation, are you just hesitant because she's your best friend's ex? If so...well, if you really care about her he should understand. I was pretty close with Steve's ex (Alora) and we were fine when we were dating. *shrug* I think as long as it doesn't create some huge mess between you two to go for what makes you happy.

[[TDWP] Jacob]

So this move is starting to bother my friend some. She is my bestfriend and I can tell that she is upset about my move as much as she may deny it. Everytime we talk about it she looks sad. I have a friend over there in California named Kim. Vivi (my best friend) all of the sudden hates everytime I talk about her. Maybe she thinks she is going to be replaced by her. I should probably stop talking about it right?

[Arlene]

Jacob: Eh, I think maybe you should avoid talking about it. I mean, you moving is inevitable and she needs to accept it, but maybe if you talk about it less it'll be easier for her to handle.

[[TDWP] Jacob]

Yeah I know that. but there are things that her and I do that may be considered "questionable" in a friends only relationship. Maybe that might be a factor. I don't know.

[Arlene]

Yeah I know that. but there are things that her and I do that may be considered "questionable" in a friends only relationship. Maybe that might be a factor. I don't know.

Well then I'm sure that that would affect her. She's probably thinking that you're going to go be new "best friends" with this other girl.

[[TDWP] Jacob]

Well then I'm sure that that would affect her. She's probably thinking that you're going to go be new "best friends" with this other girl.

She is going beyond a bestfriend for me. I really have feelings for her but I don't want to pursue anything because 1) I'm moving. 2) she has a boyfriend and 3) she might not even feel anything for me. I'm confused

[Arlene]

Then you shouldn't pursue anything. Just let her go and do her thing. She's already with someone plus you're leaving...it's not worth the fight to try to win her if you're just going to leave, right?

[[TDWP] Jacob]

True. Thank You

[11:54]

I'm not sure what to do.

I've been pretty much broke the 9 months or so and I think it's beginning to take a toll on my relationship with my girlfriend. We've been together for almost 13 months now, which is great, but she's always saying she's bored. We can't really go out because we both don't have much money, and most of her friends have moved away to college, and she doesn't have her license so she can't go hangout with them (not that it's a bad thing, they don't even really attempt to talk to her anyway).

It just saddens me that she's so bummed out and always bored. When I can, we do things, but usually my daily life consumes of computer, PS3, some TV, and now most recently the gym. She likes playing video games, but only old classics from like 1990, while I play the latest, like Modern Warfare 2, so she doesn't really care for it.

I just had a really good interview for Nestle Purina last week. It was 2-hours long, a whole half hour longer than what it was supposed to be, and they were generally happy. Now I'm just waiting for them to call me back. It's great money, they start you out at $16/hr and pay weekly and have loads of overtime, so maybe if I get this job things won't be so damn boring around here and we can actually go out and do things.

[Theazninvasion68]

I'm not sure what to do.

I've been pretty much broke the 9 months or so and I think it's beginning to take a toll on my relationship with my girlfriend. We've been together for almost 13 months now, which is great, but she's always saying she's bored. We can't really go out because we both don't have much money, and most of her friends have moved away to college, and she doesn't have her license so she can't go hangout with them (not that it's a bad thing, they don't even really attempt to talk to her anyway).

It just saddens me that she's so bummed out and always bored. When I can, we do things, but usually my daily life consumes of computer, PS3, some TV, and now most recently the gym. She likes playing video games, but only old classics from like 1990, while I play the latest, like Modern Warfare 2, so she doesn't really care for it.

I just had a really good interview for Nestle Purina last week. It was 2-hours long, a whole half hour longer than what it was supposed to be, and they were generally happy. Now I'm just waiting for them to call me back. It's great money, they start you out at $16/hr and pay weekly and have loads of overtime, so maybe if I get this job things won't be so damn boring around here and we can actually go out and do things.


Don't let your brokeness depress you. In fact, let it motivate you. Your sorrows? You gotta give it all and keep doing your best man. :) While it does sadden you to see your girl so bummed, but know in your mind that if she really does see you put a huge effort in getting somewhere, then she in her heart will know that you will put in the effort to stay and provide. Which is nice, if you think about it. :D

Note: It's only when you give up, that you will fail. It's when you give up, that you should worry deeply.

[11:54]

You have no idea how many times I've wanted to give up. I'm not trying to sound like a baby, but when fail after fail keeps happening it's hard to keep going. I feel like I get screwed out of everything I do.

[Theazninvasion68]

You have no idea how many times I've wanted to give up. I'm not trying to sound like a baby, but when fail after fail keeps happening it's hard to keep going. I feel like I get screwed out of everything I do.

Tough it out man.

It is tough but don't fret. Every "no" is another opportunity elsewhere.

:) You do just fine, i hope you did well on the interview and get that job!

[Arlene]

Mike: I'm sure she understands. Me and Josh had the same problem. He was working constantly but he was in debt and he just couldn't catch up and I had no money either. We rarely went out and did things- we usually just hung out at my house together. I know for me, just being with him was always enough. Once in a while I felt like going out to dinner which we could manage but I knew how hard he worked and tried so I didn't let myself get to the point where I was bored with things because that wouldn't be fair of me

[[TDWP] Jacob]

Why am I punishing myself? I know seeing her gets under my skin. But yet I still do it. I go out of my way to see her. its not like its by chance. I make sure I do by being in spots I know she will be at. I'm hurting myself. But I keep doing it. idk :cry:

[11:54]

I know this is the Advice Thread and not GSYWTLO anymore, but damnit, my friend is in critical condition and his dad has passed due to same idiot kid going way too fast. All he was doing was taking his son to school, and now this crap. They had just turned their lives around, and this bullshit happens, all because of some young punk kid with a big head thinking he's hot shit.

Fuck society. Life is cruel, don't trust it for a minute.

[Arlene]

I'm so sorry, Mike. I hope your friend can make it through. :hug: Text me if you need someone to talk to

[Derek The Infamous]

I know this is the Advice Thread and not GSYWTLO anymore, but damnit, my friend is in critical condition and his dad has passed due to same idiot kid going way too fast. All he was doing was taking his son to school, and now this crap. They had just turned their lives around, and this bullshit happens, all because of some young punk kid with a big head thinking he's hot shit.

Fuck society. Life is cruel, don't trust it for a minute.

This is the type of venting we will still allow in this thread. Stuff that actually matters and is serious, so you're fine.

With that in mind, I hope your friend pulls through...that is horrible.

[11:54]

So my friend is still in ICU. I've gotten a little bit more information since I first posted.

My friend (Mike, 16) was on his way to school Thursday morning, in which his dad was driving him to school, at around 7AM. They were headed south. The driver that hit them, who was being followed by his step brother, were going way too fast and missed the corner entirely, crossing the center lane and hitting Mike and his dead head on. Ironically, they lived only a handful of blocks away from one another.

Mike's dad died on impact, while the kid who hit them (19, by the way) was flown to a local hospital, where he died about 3 hours later. Mike broke his femur in half (not sure which leg), and had partially relocated his aorta away from his heart. Despite this, he maintained consciousness throughout most of the events, somehow crawled out of his car (in which the engine was completely gone and the roof was even crinkled a bit), walked around to the other side and tried to help his dad.

From what I know, Mike isn't aware his dad has passed yet, but that was yesterday. He needed to go into emergency surgery to repair his leg and his aorta, because by the time he reached the hospital, he was bleeding internally, so they were forced to put him in a medically induced coma, which he has since recovered from and has been upgraded from critical to stable condition.

This hit a lot of people around here hard. As some of you know, I backyard wrestle in many different states and Mike also traveled with our group, as did his dad. His dad supported everything his son did, and went to almost all of his wrestling shows and hungout with all of the kids that were there, so a lot of people knew him and his dad well. They had a close bond, and had just turned their lives around for the better.

I just can't believe that something like this happened this way. Life is a sick, cruel joke and can't be trusted anymore.

[Trumtram]

that's so horrible... my deepest condolences to everyone involved. what a tragedy!
i really hope mike gets through this alive!

[Derek The Infamous]

As Trumtram said above, my deepest condolences go out to you and his family. My prayers are with Mike to not only make it through this ordeal physically, but emotionally as well. He's in my thoughts.

[Arlene]

Mike, I'm so so sorry to hear this. That's awful. I hope Mike pulls through, as Derek said, both mentally and physically. This is so sad. :hug: Please contact me if you need someone

[Harlz]

Anyone got any miracle cures for migraines?

[Arlene]

Harlz: I usually take a few ibuprofen (which rarely really work) and fall asleep with a hot press over my eyes and on the back of my neck. If you get headaches from tension in your neck, try folding a hand towel in half, half, and thirds, and lying down flat on the floor with it behind your neck. And heat on the eyes helps me, too. (I've gotten bad headaches for as long as I can remember...they're no fun :() Feel better!

[Harlz]

See my problem isn't the kind of migraine that happens a couple of times a week and screws you over for 4 hours.
I get what they call cluster migraines, I've literally had a dull ache for years, and a couple of times a day it'll flare up and I'll get the blurry vision and a worse headache for a couple of hours.

But thank you for the advice/responding. The hot press thing sounds good :)

[Sarah]

Anyone got any miracle cures for migraines?

Panadol Forte.
But you need a prescription for that so go to your doctor, explain your migraine situation and get a prescription. That and PLENTY of fluids.

[Theazninvasion68]

11:54. I'm sorry to hear about your friend, man. It's good to know that someone is okay. It's gonna be okay, I'm sure your friend's dad is being taken care of elsewhere man. You know what I mean.

RIP.

I do hope things turn out okay though.

[Chris(tmas)]

Anyone got any miracle cures for migraines?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arteriovenous_malformation

My mom has migraine for over 26 years and dedided to go a doctor with her problem. She went to the hospital and a scan was made of her brain. An AVM was discovered which caused the migraine.

Just saying :lol:

[Sarah]

Does anyone know how to induce labour, other than having sex?

[Luke]

Does anyone know how to induce labour, other than having sex?

Apparently spicey food helps. ;)

[Arlene]

Sarah: When are you duuuue? :)

[Jen]

Sarah, trust me, if your body isn't ready to have that baby, nothing will work. I was over due 2 weeks with my daughter, and not even being induced worked.

[Sarah]

Sarah: When are you duuuue? :)

7th Feb.

I am so sick of these on and off contractions and not being able to do very much without complaining I'm tired and bub's really sinking down. I was in early labour on Australia Day (the whole day) and somehow just came out of it.

[Arlene]

Oh man, how exciting. I mean, I know you're not feeling the best but in just a few weeks you'll have a healthy, happy baby! Stay strong hon :hug:

[[TDWP] Jacob]

Man what the fuck. I asked her not to talk to me yet she screams my name down the hall to fucking taunt me. What doesnt she get about leave me the fuck alone. I don't wanna talk to you,see you,or even think of you. Would she just leave me the fuck alone!!! God Damn

(sorry if my post doesnt match the purpose of this thread. I just had to put it somewhere and Random thoughts didnt seem like the right place)

[Louis]

Rachel and I started talking again about a week ago. It's been nice. And I thought everything was good and stuff, but, then I visited her today.

After I left...I realized that I still have feelings for her.

I have no idea what to do about this. It hurts.

[Theazninvasion68]

Rachel and I started talking again about a week ago. It's been nice. And I thought everything was good and stuff, but, then I visited her today.

After I left...I realized that I still have feelings for her.

I have no idea what to do about this. It hurts.

Terrifying, is it not? To feel so secure knowing yourself and then having so much doubt on it. :hug:

It never hurts to talk to her some more. I know it might be painful, but stay true man. Don't be a creeper and hang for a bit. You'll know when the time is right, when you two start talking deeply about stuff, that is when it is best (perhaps) to share.

:)

[Louis]

You don't understand. She and I were together for 2 years. She broke up with me, and we stopped talking for a while. When she found out I still liked her some time ago, she stopped talking to me again. And now? What am I supposed to do? I don't know how to live like this.

I want her back and that's not even possible. I don't want us to stop talking again but being with her today...she's all I want still. I just don't know how I'm supposed to get over this.

[Arlene]

You don't understand. She and I were together for 2 years. She broke up with me, and we stopped talking for a while. When she found out I still liked her some time ago, she stopped talking to me again. And now? What am I supposed to do? I don't know how to live like this.

I want her back and that's not even possible. I don't want us to stop talking again but being with her today...she's all I want still. I just don't know how I'm supposed to get over this.

I completely, 100%, ridiculously understand. The same thing is happening with me and Josh *hides from threatening glares of everyone mad at me* I mean it's not the same exact situation, but I understand the awkwardness and being afraid of saying something that will make them go, "wait, what? shit" yknow? However, we both know that we both still have feelings for each other...so that's where it's different. I would say to just keep it cool, be friends, but I know that that's basically impossible when you feel how you do. I'm not sure what to advise you to do, because if she's really going to stop talking to you because you have feelings for her...ouch. However...how can you keep a friendship when you're trying not to show her how you feel? :hug:

[Louis]

I really don't know. :(

[Dean]

Rachel and I started talking again about a week ago. It's been nice. And I thought everything was good and stuff, but, then I visited her today.

After I left...I realized that I still have feelings for her.

I have no idea what to do about this. It hurts.
Watch (500) Days Of Summer.

[Louis]

I have watched it. Made me sad.

[Fox]

So, Im a college kid that doesnt drink or smokes weed, Therefore, I'm not cool enough to hang out with lots of people currently.

Guess what society? you can fck me as many times as you want. I like to not be considered a pot head nor a drunk. Thank you.

[Arashi]

So, Im a college kid that doesnt drink or smokes weed, Therefore, I'm not cool enough to hang out with lots of people currently.

Guess what society? you can fck me as many times as you want. I like to not be considered a pot head nor a drunk. Thank you.

Respect.

---
Wtf, he called me difficult. And when I ask my best friend if I am a difficult person she has nothing to say.

[Theazninvasion68]

So, Im a college kid that doesnt drink or smokes weed, Therefore, I'm not cool enough to hang out with lots of people currently.

Guess what society? you can fck me as many times as you want. I like to not be considered a pot head nor a drunk. Thank you.

No, no.

Their not cool enough to hangout with you, respectively. :) You're not alone there.

[ana]

So, Im a college kid that doesnt drink or smokes weed, Therefore, I'm not cool enough to hang out with lots of people currently.

Guess what society? you can fck me as many times as you want. I like to not be considered a pot head nor a drunk. Thank you.


I have the same problem here in Germany. I dont want to ruin my life so I have to be alone all the time... its not that you are not cool enough..you dont belong or you dont have to do anything with em...I tryied it 4 times, and whenever they were drinking beer (eww) or smoking weed, I was on the outside looking away from them..they didnt exclude me but I dont want to stand right in their weedsmoke cloud...

I can totally understand you, and by now I haven't found a solution...I live with that..but sometimes Im breaking down and just cry because they hang around every friday and Im at home..

[Daniel]

So, Im a college kid that doesnt drink or smokes weed, Therefore, I'm not cool enough to hang out with lots of people currently.

Guess what society? you can fck me as many times as you want. I like to not be considered a pot head nor a drunk. Thank you.

While I'll be the first to admit I smoke (weed and cigarettes) and drink, I massively respect you for that. A lot of my friends are straightedge, and we're all able to mix really well at parties and such. It all comes down to the people you hang out with, and people who judge you for something such as this clearly aren't worth your time, Ori-dear. :)

[Louis]

So, I've decided that my reaction earlier to seeing Rachel was in every way completely uncalled for.

I'm pretty certain that I'm getting around these feelings, and that just because I haven't seen her in two months, I'm not used to seeing her in a different light. So, perhaps, the more I see her, the better it will be and I'll be able to live with myself more.

In the meantime, I'm trying to decide whether or not to ask a girl out. She and I get along pretty well. She's in a couple of my classes. I'm a senior and she's a junior, and there's only half a semester left of school. Is it worth it?

[Jesse]

Louis. Personally I suck at advice but I think that if you are getting over her for real that you should at least try to move on to something else. Especially if you both like each other.


Ori: I know what you mean. I've lost lots of friends by them trying to make me do things I'm not comfortable with. It's really sad.


An old friend of mine wants me to go into a web design business. We don't really talk much anymore though. I really need the money but the thing is I've haven't really programmed ANYTHING in years. And I've forgotton all of what I knew. CSS. Java/J-Script. XHTML. Now he says I could relearn and its true I probably could but theres another factor. He's kind of a pot head and well, not entirely trust worthy. Advise please?

[Luke]

An old friend of mine wants me to go into a web design business. We don't really talk much anymore though. I really need the money but the thing is I've haven't really programmed ANYTHING in years. And I've forgotton all of what I knew. CSS. Java/J-Script. XHTML. Now he says I could relearn and its true I probably could but theres another factor. He's kind of a pot head and well, not entirely trust worthy. Advise please?

My advice is that even if you have the smallest doubt about trusting someone, don't take the risk going into business with them. There are stories about best friends going into business together only for one of them to screw over the other and steal ideas and/or money for themselves so it's certainly not worth the risk if you have a doubt about their trust. ;)

[[TDWP] Jacob]

Yeah I would say no go Jesse. You don't sound to convinced yourself so just respectfully decline

[Arashi]

Yep, stay clear of the Pothead.

[Joe]

My advice is that even if you have the smallest doubt about trusting someone, don't take the risk going into business with them. There are stories about best friends going into business together only for one of them to screw over the other and steal ideas and/or money for themselves so it's certainly not worth the risk if you have a doubt about their trust. ;)

HMMMMM SASQUATCH AGWEE. SAIM FING HAHPPON WEN GEORGE LUCASS STOLEE MAI LUKZ FORHRR CHEWEEEEEIE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

[F-ck Casey]

I would go into business with the pothead. Over the next few years, I will be moving forward with various policies to get marijuana legalized on a national level. After that happens, you won't have these excuses to fall back on like, "he's a pothead and can't be trusted". Because the entire nation will be potheads. Or fat asses, probably both. I hope this helps you, Jesse. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to contact me through the White House website, http://www.whitehouse.gov

Thank you, and God bless America.

[Jesse]

I would go into business with the pothead. Over the next few years, I will be moving forward with various policies to get marijuana legalized on a national level. After that happens, you won't have these excuses to fall back on like, "he's a pothead and can't be trusted". Because the entire nation will be potheads. Or fat asses, probably both. I hope this helps you, Jesse. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to contact me through the White House website, http://www.whitehouse.gov

Thank you, and God bless America.


Dear Mr. Pew Prez

It's more because of he's untrustworthy. Not because he's a pothead.
And it's very questionable why he has asked me and why is current partner is quitting.
Now, give me some disability checks. I have a personality impairment.

[Theazninvasion68]

Here's a little video on advice for a few of people.

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html

:)

[[TDWP] Jacob]

So my cousin Jessica is a complete liar. How dare she try to take my dad's name and run it through the mud. My dad was more of a dad then her own to her. He treated her so well and did so much to include her and her 3 sisters into everything we did. My dad never did such acts as she claims. She just came back from the army and I guess she wanted the Jessica parade to continue because honestly nobody gives a fuck about her anymore. So she started this fucking lie. She wants the attention. Now her dad, whos a cop, is threating my father. Does she not realize how much it effects not only my dad but us, his kids, as well. I don't consider her and whomever believes her as family anymore.This cousin is on my moms side of the family btw. so now the side of my family that never liked my dad now has a reason to. FUCKIN LIAR!. My dad never laid a finger on anyone!

[Louis]

So, I have a bit of a situation. I guess, it's not really a problem, but I am in need of some advice.

I've had a lot of time to think, and I feel confident in saying that there truly is no issue with Rachel. I feel that the only thing I need to do right now is reach a point of closure with her, in order to avoid these outbursts I have after I see her. And perhaps seeing her more in general will help that. So, that's not really an issue anymore.

However, there is another girl that I've had my eye on for a little while. I suppose it has come more to my attention now that my mind has been relatively cleared of Rachel.

Her name is Andrea. She's a junior, but she's only 2 months younger than me so the age difference doesn't really serve as a factor. She's in my AP Chemistry and AP Spanish classes. She's funny and she's smart, and she and I get along pretty well. So, I've been considering asking her out. I'm just not sure if I should though, partly because I fear she's not interested in me.

I guess, I don't really know what else to say, but I'm asking if I should. Also, it sounds weird, but, is there any way off perhaps trying to determine if she may be interested?

Thanks.

[Arlene]

So, I have a bit of a situation. I guess, it's not really a problem, but I am in need of some advice.

I've had a lot of time to think, and I feel confident in saying that there truly is no issue with Rachel. I feel that the only thing I need to do right now is reach a point of closure with her, in order to avoid these outbursts I have after I see her. And perhaps seeing her more in general will help that. So, that's not really an issue anymore.

However, there is another girl that I've had my eye on for a little while. I suppose it has come more to my attention now that my mind has been relatively cleared of Rachel.

Her name is Andrea. She's a junior, but she's only 2 months younger than me so the age difference doesn't really serve as a factor. She's in my AP Chemistry and AP Spanish classes. She's funny and she's smart, and she and I get along pretty well. So, I've been considering asking her out. I'm just not sure if I should though, partly because I fear she's not interested in me.

I guess, I don't really know what else to say, but I'm asking if I should. Also, it sounds weird, but, is there any way off perhaps trying to determine if she may be interested?

Thanks.

I'm really happy you're feeling better about Rachel. :) I've let go of Josh finally, too. It's a...relieving feeling.

As for Andrea, take it slow, chat with her in classes maybe see if she has facebook or something and send her a comment here and there so she thinks about you at and away from school. I know it's hard to chat during class, but maybe catch up with her in the hallway and have casual conversation. I think this is a little way to know if she's interested. When you're trying to get her attention, just kinda try to read her emotions, see if her expression is inviting and whatnot. But yeah, I think you should wait until you've established a pretty good friendship before asking her out. If you don't know her so well right now and you ask her out, she might be like "what is this kid doing?" I hope this helps!

[Andrea]

Ok so I was playing blackjack at a separate table from my dad. Long story short, I ended up losing and I went over to the table where my dad was playing at and blew off some steam. This woman who was playing at the table with my dad started laughing as I was telling him that I got my ass kicked. I then turned to her and said "It's really not funny" in a bitchy tone. Then I got up and left and my dad soon followed.

At the time I was really pissed at her for laughing. She should not have done that in the first place. I would never do that to someone if they lost money. That's just...insane. But I sort of have a guilty conscience because I don't like to be rude. I am hardly rude to people in general in public, but once in a while I slip up. So I am kinda beating myself up over being bitchy to her when I should have just bit my tongue and walked away. Even though she is in the wrong for laughing at my loss, should I apologize for being a bitch? lol. I don't see this woman a lot but I do see her from time to time and I will run into her again at some point. So I am wondering if I should apologize the next time I see her or just let it go and move on because she deserved it?

Side note: @Louis: Follow Arlene's advice. Who knows, something may happen! You can never go wrong with a girl named Andrea! :lol: :P

[Derek The Infamous]

I guess you should say "I would like to apologize if I came off a little angry towards you the other day when you made that comment about me losing. I just was upset to have lost so much money, and the comment rubbed me the wrong way. I apologize if you were offended in any way by the tone of my reply." That way you're telling her that she really bothered you, but burying the hatchet at the same time.

[11:54]

I would play her in Blackjack.
Beat her at Blackjack.
Take her money, wave it in her face, and do a little dance.
Get drunk.

Really though, I wouldn't apologize. That's like her spitting in your face and then you saying, "Oops, sorry!.".

[Arlene]

Andrea: I agree with Mike. Eff her! She shouldn't have been a bitch for no reason. I mean, apologizing would be nice I suppose, but pfft, you didn't do anything wrong, and she should have known that laughing at you would upset you. And if she holds a grudge against you when you see her next, she can go suck it.

[Jesse]

Andrea, fuck it. Do not apologize. In fact she should apologize to you, she not only laughed at you but in front of your dad to boot. There is no respect there. Neither to you nor to you dad. Personally if someone I didn't know that well laughed at me because I loss money I'd just walk away and try not to wish bad things happen. And then I'd forget about it. :lol: But what I'm saying is don't beat yourself up because of the stupid, disrespectful thing that she did.

[Arashi]

I've been crying for two days and I really should stop :(

[Theazninvasion68]

I've been crying for two days and I really should stop :(

whats the matter cutiepie?

louis: Just talk to her :) You'll get that feeling of "hmm maybe"

Andrea: Pfft. It's just a game and even if there is money involved, what good is that when it's not fun? Chin up. Don't be a suck up though. Tell her that it got you upset, but not in a asserting or conceeding way. just as an annoyed tone. Get what I mean?

[_cam_]

Andrea: I go for what Derek said. You're being apologetic at the same time you are letting her know that she did offend you and maybe she would say 'sorry' too. Don't let your pride eat you and it's nice to be good always. ;) But it's still your decision.

Aisha: *hugs*

[Arashi]

I have no one. The only people I can potentially talk to don't even live in the same time zone as me. I have no one.

[Jesse]

I have no one. The only people I can potentially talk to don't even live in the same time zone as me. I have no one.

I share your pain in this. :hug:

[Theazninvasion68]

I have no one. The only people I can potentially talk to don't even live in the same time zone as me. I have no one.

:hug: It's tough to have no one. But people won't come to you. Oddly, I know it's tough to get out also.. :/ just keep hanging in there!

Also, Insigifigant? Please Aisha. It isn't in the grand scheme of things. It isn't the big things you do. It's the little things you do. Surly, we all have one or two big things about us. But it isn't what we're all about. It's all the little things we do that add up to something larger than us :)

[Arashi]

I tried talking to my sister who told me to kindly grow up and fuck off. Only because I can't stand my mom comparing me to her.

[Luke]

It's true what Rob said, people wont just come to you. You've gotta put yourself out there Aisha...I know it's tough but eventually you'll meet people who appreciate your qualities. You're a nice person from what I've seen and I think this insignificant status you're giving yourself is unfounded.

I'm actually in a posistion where I don't really have anyone to talk to because all my friends are back home in London. I'm a kind of shy person so I know it's hard to just make friends but at the end of the day you've gotta look at the glass half full, not half empty. If you go into something feeling bad you're only gonna get bad results whereas you're much more likely to have success meeting people and gaining new friends if you have a positive attitude. You hang in there Aisha...us people in different time zones might not be at your location but we're here to talk to any time.

Chin up. :hug: :)

[Arashi]

Thanks, it means a lot to me. :hug:

[Theazninvasion68]

Thanks, it means a lot to me. :hug:

:hug:

[Jesse]

Anyone know the best way to just move, get up and go with the least things money/car/etc is?

[Arlene]

Start with a job, Jesse. :)

[Jesse]

Start with a job, Jesse. :)

Thanks Arlene :)

But I was just referring to , you know drifting.

a little adventure... meet people, travel.. But you're right a job is the first step to saving up the money
:lol:

[Arashi]

Sometimes, I get suicidal.

[Arlene]

Thanks Arlene :)

But I was just referring to , you know drifting.

a little adventure... meet people, travel.. But you're right a job is the first step to saving up the money
:lol:

:lol: I know you wanna do the whole drifting around thing, but that's just hard to do without any money, hence my "get a job," haha

Aisha: Why are you so depressed?

[Arashi]

It's my mother. She suffocates me.

[Arlene]

It's my mother. She suffocates me.

:( I'm sorry. That sucks. Sometimes parents are a bit too much, but it's something for you to work through, right?

edit: Hmm, that came out wrong. My dad was distracting me while I was replying.
What I mean is that, I know it's difficult but life is always full of challenges that you just have to push through. And you ARE strong enough to push through it, Aisha. You need to stop putting yourself down and try to be positive. I mean, I could let myself be put down about my poppy being in such bad shape, my uncle most likely having cancer, my mother with all of her emotional issues and my dad not caring about it, being afraid my brother is entering a bad marriage, my sister a bad relationship, my only relationships being: cheated on and used... yknow, and so on. But I just don't let myself come down from it all. It's not good to dwell. Just try to chin up and don't be sad darling. :hug:

[Jesse]

:lol: I know you wanna do the whole drifting around thing, but that's just hard to do without any money, hence my "get a job," haha

Aisha: Why are you so depressed?

Yeah, I know. I applied at best buy but I can't call them. I don't have a phone and my mom won't let me use hers...
I guess I should apply at Barnes & Noble too


It's my mother. She suffocates me.

I'm sorry to hear that. :(

[Arashi]

The thing is I have told my other friends about my problems concerning her, and whatever they said didn't hurt me. Until I talked to my aunt who said the same things that they did. And it really really hurt. :cry:

[Arlene]

The thing is I have told my other friends about my problems concerning her, and whatever they said didn't hurt me. Until I talked to my aunt who said the same things that they did. And it really really hurt. :cry:

What do you mean?

And I just edited my post above, before I saw your reply

Jesse: Why won't she let you use her phone? Seems oddly selfish and stupid.

[Jesse]

She says that I should have my own phone..
Though how to achieve that without a job I don't know.
It is oddly selfish and stupid, she doesn't like her number out there either..
So it's hard to put phone numbers on applications, sometimes.. :lol:

[Anya]

This is going to be a bit long.. I just need to get it off my chest really lol


So I've been with my boyfriend David for almost 7 months now. I've known him for 5 years, we dated in High School and he broke up with me because I was pretty immature at the time lol. But this past year we got back together and I'm very happy with him. He's probably the best boyfriend I've ever had. Just that also scares me..? I texted him earlier telling him all that I had felt because I've been holding it in for so long. I'm not too good with expressing emotions that I feel are embarrassing to me until I absolutely feel the need to because I'm about to burst until I do so. I was texting him earlier and was TRYING to flirt with him and be sweet, but he just kept making jokes.. because his favorite thing to do is get a rise out of me. It's his sense of humor, I love his sense of humor it just bothers me only when I want to be sort of romantic and sweet. So I told him I was feeling insecure in our relationship.. and he asked me why. I said "I don't know I think I'm just to the point in our relationship where I'm feeling a bit insecure about a lot of things. Sometimes I worry you've lost interest in me because of small things like you don't flirt with me as much over the phone like we used to in the beginning of our relationship. I will get over it, I just worry. And when I say something makes me mad I don't know how to show you I'm serious, most of the time you just think I'm joking which is partly my fault because I do jokingly get mad at you a lot, but I'm trying to work on that.. I don't know why I feel this way, I'm just bad with expressing my feelings."



Here's the rest of our conversation:


David: "What are you insecure about? I'm happy and at least I know you're not. I joke like that all the time, but it's the way I am I'm sorry it bothers you. I don't know if you realize how much work I put into our relationship and you being upset over my outlet is like docking someone's pay because they don't work every day of every month of every year."

Me: "I honestly don't know, I just needed to talk to you about it. I don't want you to be mad with me. I think its just I have never really been in a relationship that I truly cared about keeping until I met you. And I am SO happy. I love when you joke, I love your sense of humor.. I just get these small worries that turn into big worries and it's bothering me a lot."

David: "You still haven't actually answered my question of what you're concerned, worried, insecure about."

Me: "For some reason i don't know why.. I look at your past girlfriends like Kelsey for instance, and worry you won't want to deal with the long distance thing (we live two hours apart btw) like you did with her, and then leave me. Please don't think I'm stupid or anything."



And then right after I sent that he let me know his phone was dying and he would have to call me after he got off work.. i just want someone to read this and see if they understand why I feel this way. =/ I thought about it and I guess maybe I am being ridiculous, and I don't know if I'm expecting him to agree with me.. just I want him to understand that I have feelings and to listen is all. Which I guess he did.. I do feel a little better telling him how I felt.

[Derek The Infamous]

You're right to feel that way. Hopefully he understands *HUG*. Keep us posted.

[hybridsoldier1989]

This is going to be a bit long.. I just need to get it off my chest really lol


So I've been with my boyfriend David for almost 7 months now. I've known him for 5 years, we dated in High School and he broke up with me because I was pretty immature at the time lol. But this past year we got back together and I'm very happy with him. He's probably the best boyfriend I've ever had. Just that also scares me..? I texted him earlier telling him all that I had felt because I've been holding it in for so long. I'm not too good with expressing emotions that I feel are embarrassing to me until I absolutely feel the need to because I'm about to burst until I do so. I was texting him earlier and was TRYING to flirt with him and be sweet, but he just kept making jokes.. because his favorite thing to do is get a rise out of me. It's his sense of humor, I love his sense of humor it just bothers me only when I want to be sort of romantic and sweet. So I told him I was feeling insecure in our relationship.. and he asked me why. I said "I don't know I think I'm just to the point in our relationship where I'm feeling a bit insecure about a lot of things. Sometimes I worry you've lost interest in me because of small things like you don't flirt with me as much over the phone like we used to in the beginning of our relationship. I will get over it, I just worry. And when I say something makes me mad I don't know how to show you I'm serious, most of the time you just think I'm joking which is partly my fault because I do jokingly get mad at you a lot, but I'm trying to work on that.. I don't know why I feel this way, I'm just bad with expressing my feelings."



Here's the rest of our conversation:


David: "What are you insecure about? I'm happy and at least I know you're not. I joke like that all the time, but it's the way I am I'm sorry it bothers you. I don't know if you realize how much work I put into our relationship and you being upset over my outlet is like docking someone's pay because they don't work every day of every month of every year."

Me: "I honestly don't know, I just needed to talk to you about it. I don't want you to be mad with me. I think its just I have never really been in a relationship that I truly cared about keeping until I met you. And I am SO happy. I love when you joke, I love your sense of humor.. I just get these small worries that turn into big worries and it's bothering me a lot."

David: "You still haven't actually answered my question of what you're concerned, worried, insecure about."

Me: "For some reason i don't know why.. I look at your past girlfriends like Kelsey for instance, and worry you won't want to deal with the long distance thing (we live two hours apart btw) like you did with her, and then leave me. Please don't think I'm stupid or anything."



And then right after I sent that he let me know his phone was dying and he would have to call me after he got off work.. i just want someone to read this and see if they understand why I feel this way. =/ I thought about it and I guess maybe I am being ridiculous, and I don't know if I'm expecting him to agree with me.. just I want him to understand that I have feelings and to listen is all. Which I guess he did.. I do feel a little better telling him how I felt.

After reading through the entire post, I can say that I don't believe you are being ridiculous. I studied insecurity for a research project last year in psychology and the long distance and phone-call relationship is something that I have personally done. With strains such as long distance, a couple needs to get past the way they'd act normally. What I mean is that your boyfriend should be able to hear you out about the jokes and be able to put your opinion into cosnideration and stop it for now. Especially if it really is bothering you. Communication of feelings and sharing your thoughts with him is the most important thing you can do in a long-distance relationship. You did nothing wtrong by confessing this to him. I suggest you talk extensively with him about this. Nobody deserves to feel insecure in a relationship and it is his job to make you feel better. I hope this helps a little bit. Don't feel ridiculous because you told him how you feel, bottling emotions up for long periods of time could be potentially damaging to your relationship. Good luck.

[Anya]

After reading through the entire post, I can say that I don't believe you are being ridiculous. I studied insecurity for a research project last year in psychology and the long distance and phone-call relationship is something that I have personally done. With strains such as long distance, a couple needs to get past the way they'd act normally. What I mean is that your boyfriend should be able to hear you out about the jokes and be able to put your opinion into cosnideration and stop it for now. Especially if it really is bothering you. Communication of feelings and sharing your thoughts with him is the most important thing you can do in a long-distance relationship. You did nothing wtrong by confessing this to him. I suggest you talk extensively with him about this. Nobody deserves to feel insecure in a relationship and it is his job to make you feel better. I hope this helps a little bit. Don't feel ridiculous because you told him how you feel, bottling emotions up for long periods of time could be potentially damaging to your relationship. Good luck.

Thank you. <3 I'm honestly sure we can work through this, at the moment I think maybe he's just a little hurt because he thinks I may not be happy with him. I'm sure that when he calls, we're both going to apologize and talk it through.. that's usually how it goes. I think I am just strained because of the whole long distance thing. When he's here were PERFECT. Unbelievably happy couple.. but when he leaves that's when the insecurity sinks in. The doubts that maybe he'll leave me and find someone else, that sort of thing. I don't think he needs to stop with his sense of humor, it's what I love about him.. just when I want him to tone it down he doesn't. I'm going to try and talk to him about it.

[Arlene]

Anya honey, I completely know what you mean. When me and Josh were together, we were an hour apart- not that much, but I could only see him once a week if I was lucky. And I was ridiculously insecure. As you said, when we were together we were the happiest couple but as soon as he left I immediately wondered who he was with, what was he doing etc. Granted, I'm pretty sure Josh was cheating on me for our entire relationship but that's kinda besides the point. Insecurity will be there with a long distance relationship. Also...do you trust him? And I kinda feel like that it's not really his joking around and poking fun that's really getting to you...that's what sets it off, but you seem to be insecure in the relationship so any little thing he does is easily upsetting you when it normally wouldn't. Kinda why I was wondering if you trust him or not.

But no, you aren't being ridiculous. And it is good that you brought it up to him. Because if you don't, then it will turn into something stupid and messy that's completely blown out of proportion. So yeah :hug:

[Anya]

You pretty much summed it up as well, thank you. See I don't KNOW if I trust him or not. He hasn't done anything to me to make me feel that way, I just think maybe I have trust issues..? Because I had a boyfriend before him that i fell head over heals for, but he would break up with me, get back together with me, break up with me, get back together with me. And it fucking tormented me.. I was a fool though to keep going back, but hey, I'm a sucker. So I think that relationship sort of damaged me a bit causing me to have trust issues now. Now I always feel like I might constantly get dumped. It's a terrible feeling.

But another thing is, like I mentioned before, girlfriend's from David's past play a role too with why I'm insecure.. I know both of his serious girlfriends he had before me personally. Kelsey, she lives in my town which also made them go through a long distance relationship.. he was with her for two whole years yet he broke up with her because he found another girl named Emily who lived in the same city as him. Because Emily was closer, and he was worn out over being in a long distance relationship he broke up with Kelsey even though they were really happy together. So he was with Emily for a while, he liked her but ended up regretting it and wanting to be with Kelsey again.. she denied him. He became depressed and stayed in a loveless relationship for a year and a half, which also brings me to another scare that I don't want to be Emily either. After Emily and him broke up though, he found me.. and since then things have been great.

I sent him this message though just now:

"Hey I'm sure your phone is completely dead by now, but I know you'll be off work soon.. I just wanted to let you know that I love you and that I did some thinking. I honestly don't feel this way when you're with me. I have no worries when I see you and when I'm with you, but when you leave or if you're gone for a long time that's when I start to feel insecure. All I need is for you to listen and take my thoughts into consideration.. I'm obviously starting to realize this whole long distance thing is tough, but it doesn't mean I'm not happy to be with you. It's just tough sometimes."

[Arlene]

Yeah I won't pretend that I wouldn't be insecure in your situation as well. Just the fact that he left someone he was with for someone closer...that sucks. And I really hope he doesn't end up doing the same thing to you.
But the only thing you two can do is work out trust issues and whatnot, and for you personally you need to try to be more open to trust. Derek actually counseled me through a lot of my trust issues with Josh and it was quite helpful. I was able to let go of my negative thoughts unless there was a solid reason that I could ask myself, "now, WHY am I upset about this?" and have a decent answer for myself. And me and Josh were able to avoid stupid fights. (But again, Josh isn't the best example because my instincts turned out to be right and he WAS being dishonest and unfaithful and whatnot, but I don't think your boyfriend is. If he wanted someone else, I think he would let you know. Josh is just a compulsive liar and very good at being romantic, dreamy, and persuasive.)
I do think however, that you need to try not to come on too strong. I would let him be, stop messaging him, and wait for him to come to you. It's not good to always let yourself be the one to initiate conversations and stuff. Especially when things are being a little weird like they are right now. He knows how you feel, let him think or do what he needs to do and he'll talk when he wants to, yknow? I've found that it's good to kinda give yourself the upper-hand in that respect...plus it lets you know that they're thinking about you, too, when they message you first. :)
Oh and I do get the trusting-getting my heart broken-trusting again-getting my heart broken again routine. That was happening a bit with Josh, too. And it really does fuck someone up, gotta say. That's why I'm actually staying single for once, haha.
But yeah, I hope this wasn't too discombobulated to follow. Keep us updated :)

[Arashi]

Okay. No more tears. I'm back on track. Thank you all <3


----
One thing which is on my mind though is, my boyfriend kissed/made out with his best friend before we started going out. Before I went out with him, he told me about this. But I asked him about it recently and he said it never happened, dismissed it and just stated that he probably made it up. But his ex who happens to be one of my good friends told me he's lying and that he told her about it when it happened. And I trust her because he tells her everything. So why would he lie about something like this. Another thing which is bothering me is that this best friend of his has recently shifted to London so they meet often, and she has the tendency to not give a damn and fuck people.

:/

[Arlene]

Okay. No more tears. I'm back on track. Thank you all <3


----
One thing which is on my mind though is, my boyfriend kissed/made out with his best friend before we started going out. Before I went out with him, he told me about this. But I asked him about it recently and he said it never happened, dismissed it and just stated that he probably made it up. But his ex who happens to be one of my good friends told me he's lying and that he told her about it when it happened. And I trust her because he tells her everything. So why would he lie about something like this. Another thing which is bothering me is that this best friend of his has recently shifted to London so they meet often, and she has the tendency to not give a damn and fuck people.

:/

Well, he didn't originally lie to you about it, and maybe he dismissed it because he just couldn't be arsed with it anymore. He maybe was feeling like, "dammit I told you once, leave me alone." Especially if he feels guilty about it. *shrug* I dunno. I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[Arashi]

I talked to him about it, and you were right, there was nothing to worry about. :)

[Arlene]

I talked to him about it, and you were right, there was nothing to worry about. :)

Good, I'm glad. :)
It's good to try to trust unless you have a pretty good reason not to. They tend to get offended if they feel accused of stuff, haha. I know way too well from experience

[Anya]

Thanks. :) I haven't been able to reply to this because I was up in Orlando for a couple days with him for Valentines Day. Things are going well now.. He called me and said he wasn't mad, he told me he was hurt. Because the way I went about it was "blame, blame, blame." and didn't actually get around to telling him what was REALLY wrong til he called me and we talked it out. I realized that I said some things to him that I didn't mean.. I told him I don't think he takes me seriously, how never sits down and actually listens to me, and a couple other things I can't remember.. Like you said before, I'm not sure if it was Arlene or you, I'm too lazy to look back in the thread lmao but I was so insecure and frustrated about not knowing how to explain my insecurities that the smallest things made me mad almost for no reason. So he called me he said he was sad because he didn't realize I was so unhappy and insecure in our relationship, and when I told him what I actually meant straight out and what I was really insecure he understood and didn't feel as sad anymore. He told me "You know if you ever have any worries about our relationship or problems you can come and talk to me. I would prefer you just told me instead of going through all of the mess we just did.. I'm always here for you, and if you ever feel insecure I can be like "Oh, okay." and try and console you and make you feel better. Because I told you in the beginning being in a long distance relationship is hard, I've experienced it for two whole years with someone else and it was very tough. I don't think you realize the lengths I go to to make this relationship work."

And this weekend I realized all of what he does for me to make it work.. I was in a car accident a few months ago when I was driving up to Orlando to see him. I completely totaled my car, so it's been gone now for a while. That day he came down and drove two hours to see me in the hospital. When they let me go home, he brought me an owl candle as a present to make me feel better at night he applied ice to my back since I had bad whip lash.

I've been with out a car for months now so he's been doing all the driving. This weekend he drove two hours down here and got here around 1am because he had to work late. We went to bed, and then in the morning on Valentines Day he drove me two hours up to Orlando, he took me to a nice dinner and to a couples Valentines Day comedy club and then to a nice movie. He also got me a nice present, he got me a Kimura wand. It's pretty awesome it's a universal remote that you can use for your tv and it's a wand. So you can wave it around like you're a wizard. :lol: I've been wanting it for a while since I knew my friend got one, and I loveee it. So anyway, we stayed in Orlando til Monday night last night.. we left around 12am so we got back at 2am this morning to my house. He slept for a little bit and he woke up at 6am to go back to Orlando since he had work at 8:30. So he only had four hours of sleep and he has to work a double shift today.

So needless to say, he does all that for me and that makes me happy. He spends all his money on me really.. I've realized this but I've let my insecurities cloud my judgment really. He makes me so happy, and I love him very much. <3

[Arlene]

I'm glad things worked out well Anya. :) Doubt is bad! You just have to remember all the sweet things he does for you when you start to have doubts/insecurities. :)

[Harlz]

I don't wanna come off as a stereotypical, hormone addled teenager, but when you've been with a girl for 9 months, and you've known her for 12 years, is it a bad sign if she still isn't keen to "do anything?"

I just... It's honestly beginning to be really hard for me. And you know, it kinda suggests that she isn't really attracted to me either...

Opinions...?

[Arlene]

I don't wanna come off as a stereotypical, hormone addled teenager, but when you've been with a girl for 9 months, and you've known her for 12 years, is it a bad sign if she still isn't keen to "do anything?"

I just... It's honestly beginning to be really hard for me. And you know, it kinda suggests that she isn't really attracted to me either...

Opinions...?

Eh, I think that if it's been 9 months...yeah, that's a little weird. Is she really religious/self conscious/afraid of consequences?
I mean I know that I personally jump into things too quickly but physical stuff is really important to me in a relationship so I dunno. Have you tried talking to her about it?

[Harlz]

Eh, I think that if it's been 9 months...yeah, that's a little weird. Is she really religious/self conscious/afraid of consequences?
I mean I know that I personally jump into things too quickly but physical stuff is really important to me in a relationship so I dunno. Have you tried talking to her about it?

It's not religion, and yeah she's self conscious to a degree, but who isn't? And with the consequences thing, I don't even mean actually having sex, she doesn't even want anything else. She's started saying ok to things, but she doesn't actually want it as such, which she admitted to me last night.
I talked to her... Same answer as always "just not ready" "I'm just not there yet" "I'm sorry". I don't know, if I pressured her she'd give in, but I'm not gonna do that to her.

[Arlene]

It's not religion, and yeah she's self conscious to a degree, but who isn't? And with the consequences thing, I don't even mean actually having sex, she doesn't even want anything else. She's started saying ok to things, but she doesn't actually want it as such, which she admitted to me last night.
I talked to her... Same answer as always "just not ready" "I'm just not there yet" "I'm sorry". I don't know, if I pressured her she'd give in, but I'm not gonna do that to her.

Hmm yeah pressuring her would be bad. She would think you're being an obnoxious pushy jerk haha. How often do you see each other? Do you have a pretty solid and healthy relationship? Are there any trust issues? Because her just not being ready seems bizarre to me if you don't have any relationship issues. 9 months is a pretty long relationship to not feel ready to be physical with you.

[Harlz]

Hmm yeah pressuring her would be bad. She would think you're being an obnoxious pushy jerk haha. How often do you see each other? Do you have a pretty solid and healthy relationship? Are there any trust issues? Because her just not being ready seems bizarre to me if you don't have any relationship issues. 9 months is a pretty long relationship to not feel ready to be physical with you.

Exactly, and I care about her too much to make her do something she doesn't want to do.
No trust issues at all, I think we're pretty solid, especially lately it's been better than ever. And we were best friends before we started dating as well, for years.
I just don't get it. And I'm annoyed with myself because it's really beginning to matter to me...

[Arlene]

Exactly, and I care about her too much to make her do something she doesn't want to do.
No trust issues at all, I think we're pretty solid, especially lately it's been better than ever. And we were best friends before we started dating as well, for years.
I just don't get it. And I'm annoyed with myself because it's really beginning to matter to me...

Maybe you could try to talk to her about it? Ask why she doesn't feel ready without being too pushy about it?
And I wouldn't feel irritated with yourself that it's getting to you...that would get to me too. I would wonder if there's something about me that they just don't want to touch me etc, and it would really bother me. Plus I think sex is really important in a relationship. I mean, how can you be closer to anyone than by making love?

[Harlz]

I've asked. She can't answer me properly, all she's said is she just isn't ready, she just doesn't know why, and that she's scared it could change things between us somehow.
I don't know... I love her but god... Surely by now she feels some sort of desire for me. Yet she says just being with me is enough. I don't know what to do. I can't make her change what she wants.

[Arlene]

I've asked. She can't answer me properly, all she's said is she just isn't ready, she just doesn't know why, and that she's scared it could change things between us somehow.
I don't know... I love her but god... Surely by now she feels some sort of desire for me. Yet she says just being with me is enough. I don't know what to do. I can't make her change what she wants.

Hmm yeah that is shitty. I'm sorry :( I'm not really sure what to say. Maybe you could try to tell her how you're feeling without sounding like a horny bastard?

[Harlz]

Yeah I'm trying to get that across...
Either way, I can't make her want anything, so I guess I'm stuck anyway...
But thanks. Glad to hear it's not just me who thinks it's more than a bit odd.

[Arlene]

Yeah I'm trying to get that across...
Either way, I can't make her want anything, so I guess I'm stuck anyway...
But thanks. Glad to hear it's not just me who thinks it's more than a bit odd.

Yeah that's true. But maybe through letting her know how it's making you feel she can give you a better explanation :)

Good luck!

[Harlz]

Thanks, you're a legend :)

[Arashi]

WHY is sex such a taboo?

[Jesse]

Sex? Taboo? Well a lot of societies may think that it may corrupt you and make you impure, but, personally I don't think so.
I've nothing against casual sex , and I've only had sex outside of a relationship very very rarely.. but really there's nothing to be ashamed of if you enjoy it. I mean, it's good for you, and it feels good.

[_cam_]

Let's just say FB sucks or narrow-minded people sucks or being a whatsoever "bitch" sucks.

Here's a thing, Ed and I have been close friends since we moved to the same Uni last year. Ed has a relationship to Angela and I
know Angela very well since we went to the same HS together and we are a good friends. My feelings for Ed is just plain nothing like a brother
or a close friend and I think Ed feels the same way too(for sure). After we graduated, I haven't seen Ed for quite a while now(
like 4/5 months). They share the same FB account with Angela and usually I only talk to Angela since Ed barely uses FB.

Just last week, I saw in FB a candid photo of Ed and I put a message saying " Eds, i missshu :P". Just like that.

Then Last Monday, Ed for the first time chatted on me and out of my excitement talking an old buddy I said " Eds, I missssshu :P. Hahaha" and he replied
" What's with the I miss you?" So, I kinda got a hint that maybe this isn't Ed since Ed won't reply like that or boys won't reply like that
So, I just pretended that its Ed which is for sure it was Angela. I think she was testing on me if I would flirt to Ed(My God).
So, we basically talked about Angela(which is her!) and how strong their relationship is. I was like "Yeah! I know, I love you both
and your pics are so sweet. " and blah...blah..blah...

Last Tuesday, remember the candid photo of Ed i said " I misssshu " thing Angela replied "Kaloud!!!!!!! "(in english ewww/Yuck!). So that night,
I talked to Kris about the weird thing I'm feeling and Kris reassured to me that it was nothing maybe it was just misinterpretation or
something. She told me maybe the "ewww" reply was for the face of Ed(making fun of it) but I know deep inside it was something but I
just get over with it since we are not HS teens anymore coz if this is jealousy it is totally immaturity and Kris told me nothing to worry about.

So I kinda feeling ok until yesterday morning, Ed sent me a message in FB saying that he and Angela made a huge fight because of my comment.

So, I was like WTF! All my speculations are true. She's jealous because of a simple comment in FB. Grow up!

Anyway, since I don't want to make the story big, I PMed Ed today in FB saying my feelings for Ed is totally brother-like
and nothing to worry about. I said my apology and how upset I am to Angela thinking of me like a BITCH(whatever).

Angela knows me since HS and I'm not that kind of girl she's thinking. I was on her side when they had problems with Ed.

This is now what I get for being a cheesy person, lol.

I just feel bad today. :/


________________________________

To add the weirdness of the day, someone PMed me in Myspace saying "you win the coveted "i'm not a slut picture of the day"! or INSPD.you win nothing but you keep your dignity horray!good job!"

What a day! -.-


____________________________________

So, this issue has gotten worst. Ed replied to me in FB and for sure it was Angela. Pfft. Anyway, Ed told me that he doesn't liked my comment and in his part also he doesn't want Angela's friend esp. a guy friend saying "I miss you" to her. So, he said he really understand why Angela was so jealous.

So, let's just say that it was Ed who replied to me in FB but I still have this feeling that it was Angela but anyway, the things is...I completely understand what they are trying to tell me. That's why I said "sorry" to Angela and cleared my intention.

So, I replied to Ed/Angela(whatever) that what made me so upset was that the fact that Angela doesn't want my comment she should have PM me directly in FB and telling me to erase the comment coz I will gladly do it RIGHT AWAY but instead of doing that, she was bitching on it and said the "Ewwwwww!!!!" thing which made Jean(our classmate in HS) react negatively.

I'm really pissed about this thing for almost 3 days now.

What's worst is I really dont know who I'm talking to it's either Ed or Angela or both. :/

I can't believe they are making a BIG DEAL on this issue to think both of them were my close friends and Angela was putting malice on "Eds....I misshu :P". As IF her BF looks like Max Hodges. *seriously*

As of this moment, I really don't want to see their faces...maybe I could punch one of them.

Sorry for ranting it in here...


______________________________________________




Another brand new day and it's time for me to move on. I'm not really ok but this is life. I dont have to be stucked up on things that are not even worthy of recognition. I'm not even going to die if both of them were not my friends anymore. I don't care if what other people would think about me coz of what happend. I just don't give a damn. That's it.

I'm going to be happy and live my life. Past is past. What's important now is the present and the future. *determined*

Let's just say, Shit things really happen once in a while :D

[Luke]

I came to America to get away from all the arguing and bollocks back home but I obviously shouldn't have bothered. Wouldn't be surprised if my Mum's marriage is over by the end of the day and when I go home on the 28th I don't ever come back. Fucking fantastic.

[Theazninvasion68]

Cam: You'll be okay, and so will you're friends. Just know what the power of jealous might do to people. ;)

Luke: Cheer up mate! AT least, in california, It's an awesome state to be in! Count your blessings man. :)

[_cam_]

Thanks Rob :) and Luke, yea cheer up! shit happens ;)

[[TDWP] Jacob]

Do I ask to much of my friends? I mean all I ask is to be there for me the I am there for them. No matter what, at any time of the day. My friend Viviana just one day this week up and deleted me and didn't tell me why and I haven't spoken to her since. I have been having a rough time this week. Digesting everything has become quite the task for me. So I call my friend from California Kim. This girl calls me at 3 in the morning crying and my ass answers. EVERY SINGLE TIME. but all of the sudden when I start to feel like I'm losing it. she is busy. she can't talk. What the fuck is up with that. I've been busy when she called before. I was carrying a 70 pound cab with my uncle down stairs when I got a phone call from her. I answered while carrying the fucking thing at the same time. This is all so bogus. This is why I don't care about most of my friends. because when I do I care too much. am I the only person that thinks this is unfair

[Arlene]

Do I ask to much of my friends? I mean all I ask is to be there for me the I am there for them. No matter what, at any time of the day. My friend Viviana just one day this week up and deleted me and didn't tell me why and I haven't spoken to her since. I have been having a rough time this week. Digesting everything has become quite the task for me. So I call my friend from California Kim. This girl calls me at 3 in the morning crying and my ass answers. EVERY SINGLE TIME. but all of the sudden when I start to feel like I'm losing it. she is busy. she can't talk. What the fuck is up with that. I've been busy when she called before. I was carrying a 70 pound cab with my uncle down stairs when I got a phone call from her. I answered while carrying the fucking thing at the same time. This is all so bogus. This is why I don't care about most of my friends. because when I do I care too much. am I the only person that thinks this is unfair

Unfortunately, you can't expect so much from most people. People tend to be selfish. I'm sorry

Luke: I'm sorry hon. :hug:

[Luke]

Thanks for the support guys, things improved alot in the past few days. :)

[Sarah]

So here it goes. This might sound a bit icky to some but eh...I warned you.

Since giving birth to Mia I breastfed her. After what happened after the labour I had to go into surgery because I was unable to feed Mia and thus I had to put her on a bottle (formula - hypoallergic) for a few hours. When trying to get her back into her old feeding style she wouldn't go back on for days and had to express. So finally we got her back onto the breast (we as in the midwives and I) and has stayed on there until a week or two ago where Ben, (whom I am now enganged to) started to feel left out when it came to feeding time so we decided to put her on a combination of expressed milk and formula so we could both share the load. My midwife that comes and visits me at home, Kerry, decided that it was going to be in our best interest to get Mia back on the breast because I was starting to get painful blockages in my breasts. We tried and tried but Mia was still continuing to do damage to me (which was another reason why I took her off) and finally booked me in to see a lactation consultant Vicky, yesterday. She can get Mia on the breast but she has a tendancy to use her tongue against me and tilt her head back while feeding dragging me with her and doing more damage. My mum is utter obsessed with breast feeding while my sister 'respects my decision' to put Mia on a bottle, and I'm afraid to tell my mum. Midwives hate formula and even though they deny it, they really do or else they wouldn't lecture me on how good breast milk is for a 6 week old, and I don't deny that breast is best it's just too time consuming for me, I don't have the patience anymore even though I have tried and tried for ages now, but the reason why midwives are against bottles because a child's suck is more powerful than a vacuum. My friend couldn't breastfeed and had to formula feed her baby and was given shit about it from practically every one - even from some midwives at the hospital that she delivered at. I guess what I'm asking is, should I feel like a bad mother because I choose not to breastfeed but rather express and formula feed Mia?

[Jen]

Sarah, as long as you are giving her breast milk, whether right from the source or from a bottle, its better than formula will ever be. If you have to supplement a little with formula to give her enough to eat everyday, then so be it. At least she's getting some breast milk.

[11:54]

So here's what I've been up to lately and why I haven't been posting as often. I know this is the advice thread but...

I FINALLY got a job, and a great one at that. I started at Nestle' Purina PetCare on February 22 as a packaging laborer. They started me out at $15.60 which surpasses anything I could ever ask for right now. I'm still on my 90-day probation until mid-May, so I'm hoping they keep me passed that point, which I don't see why they wouldn't. My brother-in-law works there as well, which is partly the reason why i got the job in the first place. Plus, I have previous factory experience for the position that I applied for, so that helped, too. I started on 2nd shift (3p-11p) but right now for 6 weeks they've moved me to train on 1st shift (7a-3p) for a Minors Operator position. Basically all I do is add the ingredients that go into the meat. Pretty cool, and now I'm up to $17.40 an hour.

We finally got a house (me and my parents) and we're moving out sometime in May. I'm glad because I'm sick of the ignorant neighbors we have, plus now we finally get to start putting our money towards actually owning a house instead of paying some jab rent. It's a great feeling, and the house is pretty awesome too. I mean, the kitchen is in the basement! My girlfriend will be moving with us and she's going to be bringing her 4-year-old daughter down with her, so I'm excited. It's definitely going to be different for me and I know some things will change with her kid being around but I don't think it'll be that bad. I'm looking forward to it, something I thought I'd never imagine. She didn't want her daughter going to school anywhere in New York, so that's the main reason why she's coming down, plus her family up there is just ridiculous and she doesn't want to really deal with them.

So yep, that's about it. It's a lot busier than it seems, but with the house, moving, figuring out what we're going to be doing with the house, and now my new job, I feel so overwhelmed. I have a 4-day weekend for Easter and this is the first real time I've had a chance to relax since I started my job. Feels great though, especially when I look at my bank account!

[Theazninvasion68]

So here's what I've been up to lately and why I haven't been posting as often. I know this is the advice thread but...

I FINALLY got a job, and a great one at that. I started at Nestle' Purina PetCare on February 22 as a packaging laborer. They started me out at $15.60 which surpasses anything I could ever ask for right now. I'm still on my 90-day probation until mid-May, so I'm hoping they keep me passed that point, which I don't see why they wouldn't. My brother-in-law works there as well, which is partly the reason why i got the job in the first place. Plus, I have previous factory experience for the position that I applied for, so that helped, too. I started on 2nd shift (3p-11p) but right now for 6 weeks they've moved me to train on 1st shift (7a-3p) for a Minors Operator position. Basically all I do is add the ingredients that go into the meat. Pretty cool, and now I'm up to $17.40 an hour.

We finally got a house (me and my parents) and we're moving out sometime in May. I'm glad because I'm sick of the ignorant neighbors we have, plus now we finally get to start putting our money towards actually owning a house instead of paying some jab rent. It's a great feeling, and the house is pretty awesome too. I mean, the kitchen is in the basement! My girlfriend will be moving with us and she's going to be bringing her 4-year-old daughter down with her, so I'm excited. It's definitely going to be different for me and I know some things will change with her kid being around but I don't think it'll be that bad. I'm looking forward to it, something I thought I'd never imagine. She didn't want her daughter going to school anywhere in New York, so that's the main reason why she's coming down, plus her family up there is just ridiculous and she doesn't want to really deal with them.

So yep, that's about it. It's a lot busier than it seems, but with the house, moving, figuring out what we're going to be doing with the house, and now my new job, I feel so overwhelmed. I have a 4-day weekend for Easter and this is the first real time I've had a chance to relax since I started my job. Feels great though, especially when I look at my bank account!

Congrats and applause for you, Good sir. Doing productive things is quite rewarding.

Remember, when it ever gets to be a drag, it's okay. Trust me, It's okay. If it aint your way, it'll be fine. If it's going great, keep making some new goals or bigger. ;)

:D

[Jordan]

gah. thought things were looking up.

so today i was hanging out with my girlfriend for the first time in a couple weeks, and everything was going great. Then i go in to kiss her and she stops me. I let go at first, but later after several failed attempts i ask her what's wrong. Eventually she talks to me and breaks up with me, tells me she just sees me as a friend blah blah. So at this point i'm pretty fucking disappointed. Eventually she leaves.

Then i get home, go on msn, start talking to my friends. It's all okay, but then one of them goes "did you know about ned?" or something similar, Ned being one of my better friends. A few minutes/confirmations later it turns out she's with Ned, no idea how long for. But Ned says nothing to me later, just asks me if some band are good. So i'm feel pretty fucking offended.

So yeah. Lost my girlfriend and one of my best friends in the space of an hour :/. fuck that.

[Twizted]

To put it simply.. I'm going in for my very first job interview on Monday and I am totally freaking out. It's one of those situations where I've never had an interview for an actual job (outside of the family business), and I really want this if given the chance. But I know I'm going to totally bomb the interview because of my poor people skills.

Oh, and did I mention that more then half the job involves working with people on a daily basis? I don't know what I am going to do.

[_cam_]

To put it simply.. I'm going in for my very first job interview on Monday and I am totally freaking out. It's one of those situations where I've never had an interview for an actual job (outside of the family business), and I really want this if given the chance. But I know I'm going to totally bomb the interview because of my poor people skills.

Oh, and did I mention that more then half the job involves working with people on a daily basis? I don't know what I am going to do.

OmG! We're on the same situation this Monday except I'll have my final interview but same feeling I'm totally freaking out. Well it isn't my first time, it's actually my second time. The first time was totally taumatic I guess. Haha. Not the worst though but I was actually on my final interview and boom! I wasn't in. This is what I learn from the previous fail interview...try searching about the company you're applying at and try practicing what you're goin to say. I know these are just simple reminders but I do think it would really help esp. that 75% of the whole interview would be like fire in hell you're feeling. I totally understand why the first job I was applying was totally failure coz first and foremost i dont know what the company really is(yea! stupid me..lol) and secondly, i wasn't ready for possible hard questions they would give. You know the feeling of being so overcondifent with yourself that you think you'll be hired right away..yea, I was like that. Just be prepared and don't forget to smile in front of the interviewer. BTW maybe this would be a great oppurtunity for you to be open to other people and who knows right, maybe it could help your anxiety issues in terms of interacting with other people. Well, goodluck to you! :D

[Theazninvasion68]

To put it simply.. I'm going in for my very first job interview on Monday and I am totally freaking out. It's one of those situations where I've never had an interview for an actual job (outside of the family business), and I really want this if given the chance. But I know I'm going to totally bomb the interview because of my poor people skills.

Oh, and did I mention that more then half the job involves working with people on a daily basis? I don't know what I am going to do.

Working with people in inevitable with almost ANY job. You'll be okay developing people skills.

Just a few key things; though broad, they'll be up to you to get.

You'll need Confidence, Knowledge, and a Good Attitude

With those, I can say that if they don't pick you, then you've done your best. :) But people who've done a great job having an interview done for them, should also put some input. I've never been in one... Just been the interviewer, now interviewee. :lol:

And again, be thankful for the interviewer to come talk to you. It's hard on them to do an interview, and if you make it easy for them, you'll be better off.

[Arlene]

To put it simply.. I'm going in for my very first job interview on Monday and I am totally freaking out. It's one of those situations where I've never had an interview for an actual job (outside of the family business), and I really want this if given the chance. But I know I'm going to totally bomb the interview because of my poor people skills.

Oh, and did I mention that more then half the job involves working with people on a daily basis? I don't know what I am going to do.

Where are you applying?

[Twizted]

Working with people in inevitable with almost ANY job. You'll be okay developing people skills.

Just a few key things; though broad, they'll be up to you to get.

You'll need Confidence, Knowledge, and a Good Attitude

With those, I can say that if they don't pick you, then you've done your best. :) But people who've done a great job having an interview done for them, should also put some input. I've never been in one... Just been the interviewer, now interviewee. :lol:

And again, be thankful for the interviewer to come talk to you. It's hard on them to do an interview, and if you make it easy for them, you'll be better off.

Wow, you've been the interviewer without having to be an interviewee? That's.. interesting. :lol: The confidence thing is one of my main issues, because while I want the job and I know one person there seems to think I could do it, I'm always miss negative about everything, so yeah. Not especially good for a situation like this, I know.
If I can manage to pull it off, the best method that I've heard is to go into it not expecting to get it in the end and try to just "chat" without the weight on my shoulders. If only I can remember to do that.

I feel like a moron though because I've been volunteering at this place for just a couple months and I'm fine with all the other people that work there (now, it took me a few days with each of them) except the person who will be doing the interview. So it isn't a completely blind interview as far as the place/job description/daily duties, but it's just the whole interview process with said interviewer that is really getting me. I know people have had much, much worse and I should consider myself lucky with what advantages I have, but damn. Doesn't make it any less stressful.

@ _cam_: Thanks for the advice. Even though I haven't even had my first yet, I have a feeling it's something that will never not be nerve racking and stressful. Which really sucks. :lol: Good luck on Monday!

@ Arlene: If you don't mind, I will pm you. I know I'm weird but since it's such a specific job I'd just like to not announce it publicly, y'know?

Thanks again for all the advice everyone. We'll have to see how it goes.

[Holiday]

My boyfriend, basically fiance, is cheating on me... It is a girl in another state who he rarely sees, but that doesn't change the fact.

Our four year anniversary is in a little over a month...

I feel awful...

[Derek The Infamous]

My boyfriend, basically fiance, is cheating on me... It is a girl in another state who he rarely sees, but that doesn't change the fact.

Our four year anniversary is in a little over a month...

I feel awful...

Welcome back to LPA *big hug*.

If he's cheating on you, I'd confront him. Tell him how you feel about it and see if you can get him to admit to it. If he refuses to change, four years or not...you need to leave him. I wouldn't stick with someone who didn't care about me. Just saying.

[Holiday]

I want someone who will love ME more than anything. I want to be everything for them, like they would be for me.

I've been faithful to him this whole time... the wierdest thing is that he wants me to go off and have a little extra-love life... he just doesn't understand that it doesn't appeal to me as much as to him... I guess I'll have to start cutting ties...

Grr...

Thank you for the hug. I need it! *hugs*

oh!! AND he even said he wanted to get me a bigger diamond ring!

and he said that he "needs a friend, not a jealous gf"

wtf is that supposed to mean?

[Derek The Infamous]

Tell him "this jealous girlfriend is going to be leaving your ass soon if you don't start showing her some respect". See how he reacts to that.

And if he doesn't, leave him, and sell his ring. Fuck him...and find better. You deserve better. Way better.

[Holiday]

hehehe. I know, right? I want some devotion!

I am seriously, like the best gf ever. wild and refined. I don't understand how I don't fill all of his needs! I do everything! From riding Harleys together to helping with homework to cooking gormet meals! I'm like "Super Girlfriend!"

Pfft!

[Derek The Infamous]

hehehe. I know, right? I want some devotion!

I am seriously, like the best gf ever. wild and refined. I don't understand how I don't fill all of his needs! I do everything! From riding Harleys together to helping with homework to cooking gormet meals! I'm like "Super Girlfriend!"

Pfft!

There we go! Use that confidence to either kick the fucker to the curve or find someone new. You know you're good, now get someone who deserves you.

[Holiday]

The question remains, is there really someone out there? I thought this was the someone out there, and I guess I was wrong. ....

[Theazninvasion68]

The question remains, is there really someone out there? I thought this was the someone out there, and I guess I was wrong. ....

If you found out who he was wasn't what you really want from him, or if the fact that he lied and you discovered it, then you should talk to him, and..well, I'm sure a break-up is likely. I mean, what, Cheaters are..well, something isn't right.

:hug:

Holy shit, Cooking, Smart, Motorcycles? I'm sure you rightfully can claim title to "super girlfriend" :lol:

We're all still young, looking for Mr. Right isn't gonna be something we're gonna get, more often, it'll come in time.

Don't give up. Just because he isn't the one, doesn't mean there isn't Mr.right out there. :)

[Arlene]

My boyfriend, basically fiance, is cheating on me... It is a girl in another state who he rarely sees, but that doesn't change the fact.

Our four year anniversary is in a little over a month...

I feel awful...

:unsure: I definitely know the feeling. I was with someone for 2.5 years and he was cheating on me the entire time, even though I pretended not to know. It's such a degrading feeling. I'm so sorry. What are you gonna do?

:hug:

edit:

I just saw your post wondering if there is someone out there, and yes, 100% yes, there is. I just recently found someone who is absolutely amazing. I find no fault in him and he cares for me and he doesn't expect anything more from me or need anything else from anyone else. He respects me, unlike my ex boyfriend. I know that there is someone out there looking for what you want, and will show you the love, devotion, and respect that you deserve.

[Holiday]

Thanks guys. <3

[moniku]

Long time no see LPA. I'm so grateful for the existence of this thread. Doesn't seem like any more angry blog posts or complaining to my irl friends about this will get me anywhere, since most people avoid commenting or giving advice. Hoping I might get actual responses or ideas to what I'm about to describe?

This concerns me and a guy who rejected my feelings for him. Why he did so was because of our age difference (he's 4 years older than me; I was 17 then, so do the math) and only saw me as a little sister. Although he did admit that he realized my feelings for him pretty early on, eventually he saw it wasn't going to work out. Also, he described it as being against his morals because I was too young and I completely understand that. You may think the difference isn't that big and it'll only get smaller in the future, but the stages of our lives we're in aren't going to work out nicely. I'm just entering college and he's starting out in the real world, so yeah.

Infatuation
At one point of our infatuation phase, he asked me out, but I had to reject from my parents disapproval and I guess that gave him a red light. So then, he started to talk about ANOTHER girl he had liked to a long time and often left me crying every night. Eventually it came to the point where I knew there was no hope for me being with him, so I just confessed. Unfortunately I couldn't confess to him in person because we weren't going to see each other any time soon. I told him on FB, as cheesy as that sounds, but he called me later that night just to get thing straightened out and apologized. He even checked up on me for all the days after because he felt really bad about it, which I thought was sweet.

After
It took me a long time to get over him, months even. It was even worse because before he asked me out and everything went downhill, I had bought a small gift w/a note that I'd use for my confession the next time I saw him. I kept on looking at it lying hidden in my room and asked myself what I was going to do with it. Honestly, I couldn't give it to any other guy. It was specifically chosen for him and I hated myself for somewhat wasting my time. However, I contacted him a few weeks after saying that I had it and wanted to give it to him still. He said that he'll accept it and cherish it forever because I was the first girl who had ever done something like that. Before I met up with him again and gave it though, I re-wrote the note saying that although he rejected me, I hope we'll remain friends and promised to be there in case he needed someone.

Unfortunately that's something I kind of regret.

Why I think he's bullshit
I guess within the time from then to now, he has met both my Mom and my brother and they seem to like him. But they still think he's too old for me. Sometimes this guy talked about that girl he mentioned way back when and how he wants to confess his feelings for her.

Now, I guess he's trying to get a cue from me, but his situation is totally different. You see, she isn't available first of all, meaning she HAS a boyfriend currently...and he's thinking of confessing his feelings. I kept on warning him from the beginning not to do that because it's such a stupid move. Even if it takes a huge burden off knowing she's aware, I'm pretty sure it'll either cause the boyfriend to get jealous or her to possibly hate him. Also, from what he's done already, I think the girl is pretty much aware of them, but it's probably why she always makes excuses of not being able to see him when he invites her. She wants to avoid the drama and trouble. But he just can't see that!!! But besides that, I got tired of him talking about her. I was hurting still and I couldn't believe he didn't realize that it hurt me the most, even more than the actual rejection. Plus, he acted as if it were A OK to do so. I knew he wouldn't even listen to my advice anyways.

I also realized that after he rejected me, that although he knew about my feelings, that he continued to talk sweet and started mentioning this girl to possibly counter them. A lot of my friends say he had used me in that sense, since he also has this ego problem. I feel as if he wants my constant approval, but it's kind of frustrating when you know he's asking/acting up on purpose.

Avoiding him + now
Because of that, I started to avoid him completely. I ignored his calls, messages, everything. I didn't want to delete him off FB to make myself look suspicious, so I just hid him off my news feed so he won't get updates from me nor will I from him. I think that was extremely effective and I'm glad I did so. I became a million times more happier and confident about myself being single.

That worked for a couple of months, but out of nowhere he started contacting me again. Why I don't like it is because often he says stuff like, "I love you; kissy; hello beautiful, I wish I was next to you, ect." He says that he reads my note and listens to the song I gave him whenever he missed me. Also, he constantly says he wants to really see me again and is sad he won't be able to. Unfortunately I can give his words some credit because he had visited me randomly and sometimes asked where I was so we can possibly meet up. One thing I even noticed is that he hasn't mentioned that other girl from then on either.

But, I'm really just taking it all as essentially nothing. I even get mad and furious when I read these messages, because I feel as if they aren't completely true. Or even if he thinks they are, I refuse to believe them. I guess that's just me being over him, but I really don't know what's he's trying to say anymore...

Don't you think that this is too much for a brother-sister relationship? Do you think he's regretting ever rejecting me and actually likes me? Or is he acting total bullshit, as I think? What I'm afraid of is the possibility of him pursuing me in the future because I just don't like him in that way anymore. I'm afraid to tell him because I feel as if it's the only way we can be "friends". It might be impossible to see me any lower than he does right now because apparently I'm a very "special/significant person" to him and his life.