The Advice Thread (formerly GSYWTLO)

[Gloomy Mushroom]

Anybody who thinks that just by pulling out, the girl won't get pregnant needs a good slap upside the head. No offense to anybody, but that is very stupid.

The guy should always, always, ALWAYS wear a condom. And even with that, there's always a risk of condom breakage...meaning the girl should be on some form of birth control to be safer.

And if the girl is like my one friend who was on BC and had her boyfriend wear a condom, and still got pregnant...well there's nothing you can do about that then. Everytime you have sex there is always a risk of unexpected pregnancy which is why you should only be having sex with someone you completely care for. Because if you don't, you're either stuck with that person for life or are stuck being a single parent.

Or you can find that rare guy that'll be with you knowing that it isn't his child you're carrying. Couldn't have put it better myself. Of course I would know :lol:

[Gloomy Mushroom]

It's really not in my nature to double post, but I just need help.

These past couple of days since Ben left I have been feeling depressed, angry and lost. I've found myself crying every ten minutes, unable to motivate myself to even do simple things for myself like brush my hair. He's been trying to say he's sorry by saying he'll do all these things, like the other day, take me to the Boxing Day sales - never happened and today take me to breakfast - never happened. His parents from day one have hated me, and I know for a fact that his mother is two faced bitch. And he sleeps over there basically every night. His sister his a spoiled little brat who pisses me off entirely. I have been barely eating as it is, only really giving food to Mia and making sure Mia's okay but when I come to do stuff for myself, I can't do it. I haven't stopped him from seeing Mia (although not biological he still loves her like his daughter) and he's leaving for Kempsey tomorrow because I refuse to play happy couple with Godparents. I'm slowly snapping at Mia for the innocent things that she does and I just don't want to hurt her because I've lost my cool with her over something she does every day. I'm too afraid to ask my parents for help for my history of depression and I don't know what to do. I cry over the most simpliest of things, I wake up not wanting to face the world.

[travz21]

You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. You shouldn't be with someone because they feel good about yourself. I'm just speaking generally, not about you. I know girls that stay with guys because they feel lost on their own, not because the guy is actually good for them. If you think this guy is a good person and has every intent to treat you like you deserve, then I'd say try to patch things up with him. But if you're feeling lonely without him just because you don't like being alone, I'd say move on.

Also, if you think you need help with your depression, go find it. There's no reason to delay getting help and feeling miserable. Your daughter needs you.

[F-ck Casey]

Once, my friend didn't wear a condom and his face got bitten off by a staffie.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/81/Teeth_poster.JPG

[Gloomy Mushroom]

You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. You shouldn't be with someone because they feel good about yourself. I'm just speaking generally, not about you. I know girls that stay with guys because they feel lost on their own, not because the guy is actually good for them. If you think this guy is a good person and has every intent to treat you like you deserve, then I'd say try to patch things up with him. But if you're feeling lonely without him just because you don't like being alone, I'd say move on.

Also, if you think you need help with your depression, go find it. There's no reason to delay getting help and feeling miserable. Your daughter needs you.

There's also another undisclosed reason why another side wants me to stay with him which I don't want to disclose to LPA right now and I haven't even told my parents. So he came over, he apologised and we talked. We tried to act normal, or at least he did, like nothing had happened, and here I was feeling yet again depressed and miserable. I give him so much credit for the way he loves Mia unlike her biological father just wants to throw her in a dumpster and leave her there. I do love him, but I can't act like nothing had happened. I can't even face his mother or father, despite the fact they know nothing of the extent of our argument. Yes I admit it, I'm afraid to be alone. I know that's not a positive thing, but at least I'll admit to it. I can't say that these two years have been a waste, now that I've calmed down, I really can't.

[Theazninvasion68]

Couples argue. It's just a fact that nobody will 100% live in harmony.

You can pull through. At least you both talked though and apologized. Whats left? Only the hurt feelings about how it went?

Could be time to move on, isn't it? Sure, you can't act like nothing happened, but why be held back by it?

Don't be scared to ask your parents. I mean, Is it much to ask to talk to your own daughter about being lost in motherhood? (or in your case, just lost.)

If anything, the clouds come and go, but there's always tomorrrows sunrise, and every night the stars glimmer. Everythings going to be fine, and we all get into ruts once in a while.

:)

[_cam_]

You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. You shouldn't be with someone because they feel good about yourself. I'm just speaking generally, not about you. I know girls that stay with guys because they feel lost on their own, not because the guy is actually good for them. If you think this guy is a good person and has every intent to treat you like you deserve, then I'd say try to patch things up with him. But if you're feeling lonely without him just because you don't like being alone, I'd say move on.


speechless

[Gloomy Mushroom]

So he left yesterday morning for Kempsey and things have dramatically eased up. Less stressed we're talking again and we're acting normal like civilised adults.

[Ginger]

Fighting isnt always a bad thing, good things come out of them sometimes, if they dont get out of control. Me and my girlfriend always fight about stupid things but we always love each other even more after we make up. Sarah's situation is a lot more difficult than most.

[Gloomy Mushroom]

I've officially had it with my mother in law, Monique. She has given me so much stress and put me down a lot behind my back to a lot of people, even to people I know not through her, and so I turned around and said to Ben that I would not be marrying into a family where I am hated just for the sheer fact that she assumes that I am a user and that everything is a lie. I'm trying my best to make my relationship work with Ben and now she tells me this. Okay, so she's nice enough to help Ben with the baby while I went to Sydney and attended my brother's wedding. But what really annoyed me, after repeated attempts to make our relationship work, is that she turns around and asks, why the hell I could not bring Mia to the wedding. I did explain to Ben that not even my five year old nephew was not allowed to attend as it was on a cruise in Sydney Harbour (no Finding Nemo jokes please) and that it was strictly no kids allowed.

When Ben and I first got together, she treated me like I was trash. Sure I was carrying another man's baby, but I did explain to her that it was Ben's choice to take me and Mia on and that Shannon wanted nothing to do with Mia. I can see why she would be catious of the situation, but eleven months later, despite my repeated attempts to try and repair our relationship, she still is whispering stuff into Ben's ear about leaving me.

She has never supported us in any way, nor has his family. My family has supported us, my Mum despite her opinion about our relationship, still doesn't treat Ben the same way Monique treats me.

What the hell do I do? I don't want to disconnect Ben from his family. Ben and I have had our fights and our differences, and the last thing I want to do is make him choose. I've already thought about picking up and leaving towns with Ben, but my family is also here in this town. What's worse is that she won't come over, and talk to me face to face, I've had to do it, I've had to come over and do the talking. His father supports me and Ben, and his siblings are too young to understand. I've tried to avoid talking to her for the past weeks, but I had to face her yesterday and I felt like laying my two cents down.

[travz21]

What are her reasons for not liking you and trash talking behind your back? What stuff does she say?

You can pretty much lay down the law for her and tell her how it's going to be if worse comes to worst. Tell her you're not like she thinks you are, and that you and her son are going to be together, no matter what she tries to do to destroy that. She can either live out her life being miserable about that fact or she can try to accept the fact that you're apart of the family, a family you do want to be apart of.

I don't know. I haven't fully thought out the situation lol. That is just a last resort option, which you might be at already. I'm not sure what else you could do at this point, though. I'm sure you've attempted to change her mind about you in more subtle ways without success.

[Derek The Infamous]

Officially bumped per Ree's request, and also to piss off Todd. :lol:

[Timothy]

Yay, my blog is back!

[Ree]

Derek - Todd might have something he wants to share with us. :lol:

[Derek The Infamous]

Advice on how to kill a fellow moderator :P.

[Timothy]

Once, my friend didn't wear a condom and his face got bitten off by a staffie.

This post is great, haha. I missed it the first time.

[Jeff]

This post is great, haha. I missed it the first time.

Damn, I missed it too. SIGGED!

[Theazninvasion68]

Anyone have any Advice for having a dorm-room-mate? I'm moving out for college soon. I'm kinda nervous.. : /

[Gloomy Mushroom]

Anyone have any Advice for having a dorm-room-mate? I'm moving out for college soon. I'm kinda nervous.. : /

Don't let them steal your shit.

Is it wrong to stray from a relationship that your father in law even tells you that you deserve better then his own son? Im at a crossroads right now. Either continue being put down and trampled over or be with another guy who has promised to treat me better if I was with him. Help. :(

[TheZlajaZlo]

Anyone have any Advice for having a dorm-room-mate? I'm moving out for college soon. I'm kinda nervous.. : /

You gotta set the rules the first day. Let them know who is "The alpha room-mate" : )

[Ree]

Is it wrong to stray from a relationship that your father in law even tells you that you deserve better then his own son? Im at a crossroads right now. Either continue being put down and trampled over or be with another guy who has promised to treat me better if I was with him. Help. :(

Have you tried talking to your current partner about how you feel? If you told him you wanted to leave him, would he care or even try and fight for you? If not, then I'd leave. Fuck feeling like shit in a relationship.

[_cam_]

@ Sarah: Have you tried asking for an advice from your parents? I'm pretty sure old folks know a lot of things about relationship.

[travz21]

Have you tried talking to your current partner about how you feel? If you told him you wanted to leave him, would he care or even try and fight for you? If not, then I'd leave. Fuck feeling like shit in a relationship.

I hate when girls do this. If you're not totally intent on leaving already, don't play that game where you make us fight for you lol. If you say you're going to leave, I'm assuming that means there's nothing I can do. If there's something I can do, I expect you to discuss things with me instead of saying you're leaving.

[Pidgeon]

So I've been out of the "game" a while. Where and how do I meet people. lol I'm socially awkward and don't clubs and bars

[Ree]

I hate when girls do this. If you're not totally intent on leaving already, don't play that game where you make us fight for you lol. If you say you're going to leave, I'm assuming that means there's nothing I can do. If there's something I can do, I expect you to discuss things with me instead of saying you're leaving.

Guys sometimes need a kick up the backside to realise that they're cunts and sadly when they see their girl leaving them that's when they realise that they need to fix up. I don't mean it as in Sarah should play mind games with him, I hate that shit. I'm just saying if the guy doesn't give a damn about her then she should let him know that she's not going to put up with his behaviour and is prepared to leave if things don't change.

I agree with you that she should discuss it with her partner first hence why I asked if she already has discussed it.

[travz21]

I'm sorry. I'm not used to rational women. I won't question you again like that lol :sweating:

[Dean]

So I've been out of the "game" a while. Where and how do I meet people. lol I'm socially awkward and don't clubs and bars
Just places you go to normally, or places associated with things you like.

[Ree]

I'm sorry. I'm not used to rational women. I won't question you again like that lol :sweating:

Are you being sarcastic here? :shifty: Don't make me turn irrational on yo ass, punk.

[Ryo Hazuki]

@Sarah, What Ree said, but I personally, I'd ask them straight out. 1. Do you care, 2. Are you willing to try. and depending on how long they take to answer decide. It shouldn't take them more than a minute to answer.

Also, if you yourself don't love the person anymore and you feel that you just don't feel the same anymore, it's not good to hang around only prolonging the inevitable because the longer you wait the more it sucks for both persons. Bottom line, ask him about it, and if you just don't want to be with him. Leave.

@Pidgeon As far as meeting people you like, I've become completely anti-social, unfortunately everywhere I go people try to strike a conversation with me. That's annoying, so become anti-social! haha.. No, just follow @Deans advice and go to places you like, and do things you enjoy and try to converse with new people there.

Now for my own question, How do I concur the universe and achieve time travel, and make all the earth love me at the same time as being a ruthless sadist. How should I go about it? :P


--
Joking!... maybe

[Vriska]

Just places you go to normally, or places associated with things you like.
I agree with this. If you don't have any places like that then find a new hobby or find clubs with the same hobby as you. Let your interests do the ice breaking for you.
This is coming from a super-nerd. If there's places for me, then there's most definitely places for you.


Also, if you yourself don't love the person anymore and you feel that you just don't feel the same anymore, it's not good to hang around only prolonging the inevitable because the longer you wait the more it sucks for both persons. Bottom line, ask him about it, and if you just don't want to be with him. Leave.
this. Don't be that person who spends a 30 year marriage with someone they never really liked to begin with. Listen to your feelings and don't let other people or your own made up rules overrule those feelings.

[Gloomy Mushroom]

Yes I have talked to My mum about him and she has wanted me to leave him for quite a while. She was over the moon this morning that I had found another guy who doesnt put me down constantly and we were in the process of finding a house together. The control and verbal abuse has gotten too much and it is something that I dont want my kids to see let alone hear.

Btw in response to Ree, I have tried many times. He always says he'll change but he never does.

I dont want it to be messy I wont deny him custody of Kate, I just want it to be clean cut.

[.Amanda.]

There's nothing quite forgetting about someone you haven't spoken to for a while and then seeing them pop up somewhere and remembering just how much they probably hate you.

And even worse than that is remembering that you can't really fix it...

[deftonesfan867]

There's nothing quite forgetting about someone you haven't spoken to for a while and then seeing them pop up somewhere and remembering just how much they probably hate you.

And even worse than that is remembering that you can't really fix it...

Luckily most of my exes, OK all of them, lived a good enough distance from me that seeing them ever again would be a one in a billion chance.

[Dean]

Seeing as this is a thread for advice, I'm trying to organise a holiday to Canada next year and would like some pointers.

I'll almost definitely be there in the late spring/summer/early autumn, and so far most of the places I'd be interested in visiting are in the east/central part so that's where I'm most likely to be.

I know it's a really big country and I probably won't be able to go absolutely everywhere in one holiday, but I want to take in as much as possible. I'm not sure if I'll actually be going with friends or anyone else, so this could potentially be my first time going abroad on my own and I'm game for pretty much anything. Urban, rural, high culture, low culture, whatever.

There are two specific questions I'd like to ask:
1. What places/activities would you recommend I visit/take part in? Besides more obvious choices like Toronto or Montreal or Niagara Falls. It's not that I don't want to go to any of those, I just want to miss as little as possible when I'm researching potential destinations.
2. What would be a good place to stay that gives me access to as much of the country as possible?

Besides that, I'm open to any general advice/suggestions. It goes without saying that this post is mostly directed towards people who are from Canada or have been there. Thanks.

[Theazninvasion68]

Whoa, almost necroposting.

I wish I could help you dean, I don't know much about that side of Canada.

But right now, I need help.


It's quite a silly one, I would think.

I find it hard to propagate my own existence. It's not that I'm sad, or upset.

It's just that existing itself.. It's quite.. Well, difficult.

I'm quite happy with who I am, I'm happy on where I am, to be able to study Psychology and be able to learn how people behave and learn ways to provide help, to reach out and give a hand is all very fulfilling. it's just the need to wake up and do something is becoming hard and harder. The desire to drink a glass of water so I don't dehydrate.. I don't have much. Nor much desire to eat. Though I appreciate and love learning how to cook, cooking for myself is hard, and I'd much rather not.

It's just every day responsibilities.. going through the motions..everything about existence is tough. I hope someone could understand, and lend me some advice to get me out of this rut. I'm open to suggestions.

[Dean]

Do you think something in particular happened to make you feel like that?

[Theazninvasion68]

I moved out to a State University. I've met a few people who are really awesome, but that's about it.

I did a total class switch because I got help and got put on a better schedule to graduate right on time.

:( I don't understand why I got this feeling.

[Dean]

I'm not saying it's likely to be really serious, but if it's just came out of nowhere and it's worrying you I would suggest seeing a doctor if you can.

[Derek The Infamous]

Keep in mind this thread will never be eligible for a necropost. It's an advice thread and thus always open. We've also kind of unofficially relaxed the whole necroposting rule, so don't worry. :)

[Theazninvasion68]

I'm not saying it's likely to be really serious, but if it's just came out of nowhere and it's worrying you I would suggest seeing a doctor if you can.

Over the couple of days, I figured. I set up an appt. at the mental health center.

Thanks Dean, And Derek ^_^.

[Apop]

I just started college this past September and met this pretty cool girl. We've been talking for the past two months but I'm not sure if she has any feelings for me. She broke up with her ex before coming to college after dating for just over a year, so I feel like she still has feelings for him. I've never had a girlfriend or anything so it's difficult for me to read what's happening, but I'm just not sure how to go about the whole situation.. Any other anecdotes like this or advice? Greatly appreciated.

[Dean]

If you do think she's been doing things to suggest it's mutual, ask her out or something. It can be easier said than done but you have to swing for the fences.

[travz21]

If you do think she's been doing things to suggest it's mutual, ask her out or something. It can be easier said than done but you have to swing for the fences.

+1. Just be upfront. It's surprisingly the best way to go once you get past the mind games with high school girls. It's hard to muster up the courage your first couple times trying this method, but it becomes rather easy with experience. Just have confidence in yourself, knowing that with either outcome, no matter what, you'll still be happy with yourself. This helps eliminate the fear of rejection which gets us guys all scared in the first place.

[Apop]

Thanks guys, just gotta keep telling myself the only was is up, wouldn't be a loss if she said no.

[Dean]

Yeah, if you think you should do it, in the long run you'll probably feel better about trying and being rejected (if that happens) than not trying in the first place.

[Theazninvasion68]

By experience..

Ask her, have a deep, personal talk about her with this. Shouldn't take too long of a conversation, but ask her.

Basically, what Dean said.

[.Amanda.]

So you guys are the first to know (besides my boyfriend).
I may be pregnant.

I've been off of the pill for 3 months now and Dan and I always use a condom.
Scratch that. Almost always.
A little while ago, we were in the heat of the moment and we just... didn't. It was stupid. And so here we are.
My basal body temp has been between 90.4 and 91.9 for the last three days, I've had some abdominal discomfort, bloating, fatigue, soreness in my breasts and nausea. I am also late for my period.
Tomorrow morning I'll be taking my first of 3 pregnancy tests and I'm nervous as hell.
Update to follow tomorrow morning.

UPDATE: First test was negative.

[travz21]

Good luck.

[Pidgeon]

So you guys are the first to know (besides my boyfriend).
I may be pregnant.

I've been off of the pill for 3 months now and Dan and I always use a condom.
Scratch that. Almost always.
A little while ago, we were in the heat of the moment and we just... didn't. It was stupid. And so here we are.
My basal body temp has been between 90.4 and 91.9 for the last three days, I've had some abdominal discomfort, bloating, fatigue, soreness in my breasts and nausea. I am also late for my period.
Tomorrow morning I'll be taking my first of 3 pregnancy tests and I'm nervous as hell.
Update to follow tomorrow morning.

UPDATE: First test was negative.

thats heavy, I'm not really experienced in this field (as I do not have ovaries) so the only thing I can say is good luck

[Ryo Hazuki]

Dean, I'm pretty sure that's what doctor-patient confidentiality is for.

I believe that in the U.S a doctor is only allowed to discuss what a patient says with their permission and can only say anything to a person who might be in danger and that's it. I've read something to that effect anyway.


------------
On another note. People. God dammit. Why can people NOT say what they mean?

I really wish people would just be more honest and less reserved.

One example is when people say what they like in partners,

There are so many that ask "Why can't I just find a nice guy?" and a thousand guys pass them by that are nice and sweet and whatever and they just overlook them. No, you do not want a nice guy, so stop saying that you do. It's more likely that you do want a badass kind of guy that has a soft side or something.

If I'm going to be honest, I myself do not want a nice girl, or guy or whatever. I want a good person sure, but I like people who have a little feistyness. Someone who will tell me if I'm full of it. Someone who isn't afraid to call me out when I do stupid shit. Someone that takes initiative. Someone smart, and who is intellectually and personally honest and open about what they want and where they're going and can admit if they just don't know.

I don't want "nice" and I don't want "perfect" I want Real.

and I may be wrong but I strongly suspect all these people saying they want someone nice are actually pretty full of it. There's so many people that you can potentially choose to have a relationship with, just say what you want and I think your chances of being happy will grow exponentially. Just stop saying you want "nice" if that isn't want you want. If you want an asshole, well, just say so and stop complaining, guys and girls.

And I don't mean to sound rude, but really this has been kind of upsetting me lately.

[Pidgeon]

So I'm getting sued for nearly $800 by the bank. My original debt was 30-some dollars and late fees drove it up to 175 dollars. Now there sueing me for it and with court fees and all it comes out to like 770 dollars. I'm going to fight although I don't have much to work with. The only things I have going for me is that the reason I'm in debt is because they charged me for checks I told them I did not want and I spent more than I had in an attempt to get a 100 dollar deal they were promoting. Basically its use your debit card 10 times and you get the 100 dollars. I ran out of money before I got to the 10 purchases because of the 20 dollar checks. Also the collection agency was very threatning and I know at certain point that is illeagal. And the other day the guy made a deal with me to work it out but filed the court stuff anyways (which I understand isn't really an advantage for me, just evidence of what fucking pieces of shit these people are. I apologize if I sound. . . . bitter lol) What do you guys think? Help me! lmao

[Star Scream]

have you tried to do some sort of appeal

[Pidgeon]

well its going to court and I don't really anything about this sort of thing. How or if I should appeal or if I just go in and make an argument on why its unjustified

[Harlz]

Sounds a bit extreme.

[Ree]

well its going to court and I don't really anything about this sort of thing. How or if I should appeal or if I just go in and make an argument on why its unjustified

I'd advise you to seek legal advice. You should do some research and see if you can find any legal advice centres which may be able to provide you with free advice. If you lived in the UK then I'd be able to help you out more as I know a little about this, however I have no idea about US Law and I think you really need to talk to someone who is an expert on these matters ASAP. Make sure you have proof of any correspondence relating to this matter such as any letters you have written or any contracts that they sent you etc.

Good luck!

[Pidgeon]

lmao damn the one legal expert on here and she's British! XD

[.Amanda.]

I took my second and last test this morning.
Bullet dodged.
It was negative.

[Derek The Infamous]

YAY FOAR NO BABEHS!

[Doris The Spider]

My best internet friend (of 2 and half years) cut me out of her life forever. It's been a month and half and I'm still not over it. I'm slowly letting go but it's so hard because I don't want to ever let go. She wasn't only a friend she was the best friend I ever had, my second mother and looked up to her. I know I'm better off without her because she was a bitch but I loved her. :(

[Theazninvasion68]

My best internet friend (of 2 and half years) cut me out of her life forever. It's been a month and half and I'm still not over it. I'm slowly letting go but it's so hard because I don't want to ever let go. She wasn't only a friend she was the best friend I ever had, my second mother and looked up to her. I know I'm better off without her because she was a bitch but I loved her. :(

Friends come and go, but the lessons and memories given by them are forever yours. :)

:hug: It's happened to all of us before at one time, or another. Take comfort that you're better off(as you say) , and before you know it, you'll find other really great friends ^_^

[.Amanda.]

There's just something absolutely gut-wrenching about no longer speaking to someone who once meant the world to you. It has nothing to do with left over romantic feelings, unresolved issues or how horribly things ended. Something about losing someone who has a part of you and was a part of your life creates a hole that only they can fill. I don't want to feel like I am missing pieces forever, but it seems like there are some problems that just cannot be fixed between two people.
Am I destined to feel incomplete? Is it a weakness that I cannot help but feel this gravitating pull towards people who hurt me or those who I hurt?
It seems like a cruel joke.

[Star Scream]

well thats where imperfection comes into place, we tend to say what we dont mean and thats what makes us feel weak, but in the end all you have to do is just say to your self i wont do it again and continue on

i hope this answers your question

[travz21]

There's just something absolutely gut-wrenching about no longer speaking to someone who once meant the world to you. It has nothing to do with left over romantic feelings, unresolved issues or how horribly things ended. Something about losing someone who has a part of you and was a part of your life creates a hole that only they can fill. I don't want to feel like I am missing pieces forever, but it seems like there are some problems that just cannot be fixed between two people.
Am I destined to feel incomplete? Is it a weakness that I cannot help but feel this gravitating pull towards people who hurt me or those who I hurt?
It seems like a cruel joke.

Is this new, or have you two been apart for awhile now? Initial breakups are hard because you've scheduled your life around the other person, and when they're gone, you literally have a hole in your life and a lot of new time on your hands. What has helped me in the past is trying to find things to do to fill that extra time. Hang out with friends that you might have neglected while in the relationship, do more of the hobbies you enjoy, etc.

[.Amanda.]

Is this new, or have you two been apart for awhile now? Initial breakups are hard because you've scheduled your life around the other person, and when they're gone, you literally have a hole in your life and a lot of new time on your hands. What has helped me in the past is trying to find things to do to fill that extra time. Hang out with friends that you might have neglected while in the relationship, do more of the hobbies you enjoy, etc.
No, it's not new. It's been 6 months or longer for all of the people that I'm talking about. Like I said, it has nothing to do with any lingering romantic feelings. I'm currently in a highly committed relationship.

Edit -
Let me preface this by saying that I am completely sober despite the hour.
I just contacted two of the people I was referring to. One via an email address that I'm not entirely sure is still valid, and another through a comment on livejournal.
As for the livejournal one? I read through some of his public entries that he's made in the time since me.
And one of them was about me.
And I read it.
And I cried.
Not because I was upset that he wrote about me, or because he said anything hurtful.
I cried because that entry made me realize that I had hurt him.
An worse yet, I had hurt him in such a way that it resounded in his head months after it had happened.
I cannot live with who I was...

[Dean]

Dean, I'm pretty sure that's what doctor-patient confidentiality is for.

I believe that in the U.S a doctor is only allowed to discuss what a patient says with their permission and can only say anything to a person who might be in danger and that's it. I've read something to that effect anyway.


------------
On another note. People. God dammit. Why can people NOT say what they mean?

I really wish people would just be more honest and less reserved.

One example is when people say what they like in partners,

There are so many that ask "Why can't I just find a nice guy?" and a thousand guys pass them by that are nice and sweet and whatever and they just overlook them. No, you do not want a nice guy, so stop saying that you do. It's more likely that you do want a badass kind of guy that has a soft side or something.

If I'm going to be honest, I myself do not want a nice girl, or guy or whatever. I want a good person sure, but I like people who have a little feistyness. Someone who will tell me if I'm full of it. Someone who isn't afraid to call me out when I do stupid shit. Someone that takes initiative. Someone smart, and who is intellectually and personally honest and open about what they want and where they're going and can admit if they just don't know.

I don't want "nice" and I don't want "perfect" I want Real.

and I may be wrong but I strongly suspect all these people saying they want someone nice are actually pretty full of it. There's so many people that you can potentially choose to have a relationship with, just say what you want and I think your chances of being happy will grow exponentially. Just stop saying you want "nice" if that isn't want you want. If you want an asshole, well, just say so and stop complaining, guys and girls.

And I don't mean to sound rude, but really this has been kind of upsetting me lately.
With all due respect, what you're probably missing is being assertive and taking the initiative yourself. There's nothing to say you can't be a decent person AND have those traits as well. I think a lot of people fail to realise this and would sooner tar the whole of their preferred gender with "they're all horrible people!" or "they're all liars and hypocrites!".

[Luke]

So the girl who was the first and since only girl I think I've ever fallen in love with who now hates me (as I her) is going to be at a party I'll be at next weekend. I havn't seen her in almost a year and a half and I could do with some advice on how to ignore that she's there. I feel so much negativity just thinking about her and I don't know how I'll react to seeing her. She's such an awful person and I can't believe I ever fell for her and it pisses me off that we still have mutual friends even though she's hurt the majority of them in the past aswell.

We'll see how it goes...

[Star Scream]

just look for distractions, stay with your friends at the party even if you have nothing to talk about, most likely she would probably find ways to see if you still like her so always turn your back to her

[El Muerto]

Get really drunk

[Luke]

Turned out better than I expected. On speaking terms again.