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Oblivion
03-08-2003, 03:46 AM
Its kinda weird why I wrote this, I never wrote a song before in my life, and me and my friend are going to start a band so I figured I would try. I name it cause the Somewhere I Belong lryics is still bothering me so this is stuck in my head. The song is a soft rap unlessed marked other wise. The intro is scratched into the music thats why And the.... and the, etc is like that. And (lyrics) in the chours are sung softly. Well like I said its my first song, ever....

The Fault Is My Own

[Intro]
And the.... and the, and....... the........... and the............
The fault is my own.
And the...... and the, and the.......
Fault (Echoing and fading)

[Verse 1]
I look into your eyes, but see nothing.
I realize that I made a mistake.
Letting you slip away.
Not even protecting you, always disregarding you.
Never noticing what we had together.
I never really thought of us being together.
Never really thinking about it till now.
But now I see the mistakes I made.
I realize the fault is my own.
I stand alone, in darkness.
Surrounded by shadows, laughing, mocking me.
No door, no light, I am stuck in this cruel dark world, alone.

[Chours]
I watch as the day's slip by, unable to understand why.
Why you did what you did.
Why I didnt do what I needed to.
The pain is only getting worse.
(Tightning its grip.)
I can't really take it anymore.
(Unable to pick my self back up.)
Stuck in this dicth I created myself.
(Unable to find myself.)
The fault is my own.

[Verse 2] [Sung Softly]
Were we real?
Were we mean't for each other?
Why is it so confusing?
Whats real?

[Chours]
I watch as the day's slip by, unable to understand why.
Why you did what you did.
Why I didnt do what I needed to.
The pain is only getting worse.
(Tightning its grip.)
I can't really take it anymore.
(Unable to pick my self back up.)
Stuck in this dicth I created myself.
(Unable to find myself.)
The fault is my own.

[Verse 3][Harder Rapping]
By myself, I pick my self back up.
Ready for any challange.
Realizing that we were never mean't for each other.
Only a fault.
It was never real.
I realize the fault was my own.
Chosing you.

arT saveS
03-08-2003, 04:19 AM
Well I'm gonna be totally truthful so don't kill me...

Reasons I like it:
1.) I like the first part that is scratched in.
2.) I like the verse of "hard rapping."
3.) It has a nice vibe to it.

Reasons I don't like it:
1.) You took the name from SIB. (Which you admitted.) BUT I do think thats cool, I still like the song..
2.) It's a rap song..that doesn't rhyme...
3.) It's too uneven..Your first verse is HUMONGOUS, your second is teeny tiny, and your third is like medium, and your Chorus is just about as big as your first verse...

Overall:
Wasn't terrible. But try and even it out some more, it will flow much better. And since it's rap you should try to make it rhyme lol.
But It's not bad at all for a beginner, and I do like many parts of this..So keep writing, you'll get better and better, just keep writing.

Tips:
Don't write for anyone else. Write for your own benifit.
Don't make up stories, because often you will get confused, write about something that has happened, or your feelings.
Use metephors, and personification works really well in rap.
Don't think of a name, that sounds cool for a song, and write about the name, because most of the time it will be nothing, write about something you feel, something that means something to you, then name it.

I hope this has helped you some, but keep writing, good job.
7/10 :)

Oblivion
03-08-2003, 04:22 AM
Well thanks for the tips, I can take the fact that its not that good, I never done this before. Oh and this has happened to me before with my xgirlfriend. It was just a big mistake.........

erasethepain
03-08-2003, 04:23 AM
This is pretty good for your first song. First song I wrote, I copied off of High Voltage, like you did of of SIB. Keep writting.


Your first verse is HUMONGOUS

I thought it was rather small for a rap verse. :-/

arT saveS
03-08-2003, 04:32 AM
Originally posted by J Money@Mar 7 2003, 11:23 PM
This is pretty good for your first song. First song I wrote, I copied off of High Voltage, like you did of of SIB. Keep writting.


Your first verse is HUMONGOUS

I thought it was rather small for a rap verse. :-/
lol I know, what I meant was its big compared to those other 2 verses, and its very uneven.

Oblivion
03-08-2003, 04:52 AM
Originally posted by xXxCrawlingxXx@Mar 8 2003, 04:19 AM
1.) You took the name from SIB. (Which you admitted.) BUT I do think thats cool, I still like the song..

Don't think of a name, that sounds cool for a song, and write about the name, because most of the time it will be nothing, write about something you feel, something that means something to you, then name it.
I would just like to point out that I didnt start the song think The Fault Is My Own, I was going to call it just Fault, but I guess The Fault Is My Own was a better title, besides that one line nothing is ripped from SIB......