PDA

View Full Version : Funniest Review I've Read In Awhile


Omar
12-30-2004, 08:47 PM
Here's a user review I got off Amazon for Coldplay's A Rush of Blood to the Head. This can't be true...

After reading many, many reviews of this album, I feel compelled to write my first review in several years. So many miss it entirely.

This is the story of mankind, everyone. As such, it is a beautiful, deep, moving soundtrack that compliments the Bible in biblical richness and strength.

Track One - Politik
This song is the creation of the earth and of Adam. In its tumult and violence, you can see the earth forming. Man first explores his relationship.

Of his God, Man says: "give me one cause one is best / in confusion, confidence / give me heart and give me soul / tell me of the politik." Politik, the discernment of other men's intent. Their politics.

Track Two - In My Place
Moses relates the difficulty of crossing the lines of authority. He eventually without advance preparation, leads his 2 million followers into the desert, always looking to and waiting for God's direction. In the face of tremendous adversity, he preses on, lost, but not without hope.

Track Three - God Put a Smile Upon My Face
After 39 years, Moses' has given up hope of ever finding an end to this ordeal. God provides the answer - the path to the promised land. Again we begin to "draw the line", determining how to define sin in the new land. His answer:
"Your guess is a good as mine / Where do we go, nobody knows" (heaven or hell). But guessing is the best we can do.

Track Four - The Scientist
Man turns to science for answers and succeeds only in becoming more in awe of God's vastness and power and beauty and glory.
"Come up to meet ya tell you I'm sorry /You don't know how lovely you are". He has found no answers in man's laws or science, and aches for the intimacy of his lost rlationship with God.

In the end, revelation of the answer. "Take me back to the start." the beginning, where man and God walked the Garden together in the cool of the evening. But this hope is futile. (Note the return of the Politik guitar licks at the end of the track.) Back to the start, but how?

Track Five - Clocks
Tides too strong to swim against, prayer, pleading reveal god as the great I AM ("You are, you are!"). "Nothing else compares, nothing else compares" These strains of most sincere praise continue through the song. Yet, how can he return to the Garden? Home, HOME, he wants to go.

Track Six - Daylight
Daylight/Delight. "I saw Son rise, I saw Son light." Jesus comes. He is...it. Like a forstborn child."
No human could have conceived of this perfect plan. God will draw us closer to him only after sending his Son to bleach us of our darkness, our flawed character, our sin. "Slowly breakin' thru to daylight" Repeatedly, he calls.


Track Seven - Green Eyes
You are a rock upon which I stand."
You are the sea upon which I float."
Hear my prayers. We establish our relationship with Jesus.
"How could anybody deny YOU. I came here with a load, and it seems much lighter, now I met you. / I could never go on without you."

Track Eight - Warning Sign
By far the most moving track on the album. Personally, this track has tremendous significance to me.

God, you always send something to get my attention - warning signs. Sometimes I see them coming, sometimes I don't, sometimes I don't care, until life gets to be too much for me to handle.

When I finally talk to You again, I want to explain. But You've always known everything I'd ever do. I try to pretend I've been listening for You the whole time, but even if I shout my excuses they sound weak... they are weak.
All I really want is for you to tell me that you love me no matter what I'll do. Again.

And off I go, so far this time that only you could reach me. I finally find You, and though I didn't stay long, I come back often, asking everything, and I learn about You.
But I still can't accept Your gifts. I want to EARN them. I play the same game. Even though you were my only hope, I shout the same excuses, trying to make myself feel worthy of You.

The emptiness I feel when I recognize my true state consumes me. The truth of my need is crushing. Living without you leading the way always ends in pain. And I never learn.

But each time, without fail, when I call to you, you are always there, always willing to hold me, comfort me, embrace me, welcome me back.

All I really want is for you to tell me that you love me no matter what I'll do. Again.

But each time, without fail, when I realize that I am lost, I call to you. You are always there, always willing to hold me, comfort me, embrace me, welcome me back. Amen amen amen and thank you.

Track Nine - A Whisper
Lured by worship of himself, man sees his mortality. Yet he hears the whisper. But he is about to meet his strongest enemey face-to-face.

Track Ten - A Rush of Blood to the Head
Satan. Satan sings. YOU are the house he buys and buries. Any reason for war will do. Maximize suffering, doubt, and the feeling of solitude. Show us the emptiness of our heart's desires.
He watches.
"See me crumble and fall on my face. I know mistakes have eben made". (for which I can see no forgiveness possible)

"Some will laugh, some just sit and cry."

Blame it all on a rush of blood to teh head: EMOTION, FEELINGS, PRIDE. PRIDE, PRIDE.

Track Eleven - Amsterdam
Amsterdam, the modern day Sodom, Nineva, Gomorrah. Man finds himself destitute, morally and spiritually, and is finally beaten. He is dying, dying, but not dead. He walks to the ledge to plunge forever into Hell. "My star is fading / I swerve out-of-control"

Satan: "Time is on your side. Not pushin you down and all around / it's no cause for concern"

Just before Satan achieves his final victory, Man talks to his creator. Then, "You came along and you cut me loose / You came along and you cut me loose / You came along and you cut me loose.

Praise the Lord Jesus and thanks to Cold Play for not just attempting such a profound work , but for pulling it off with near perfection. This is the greatest album I have ever heard, both from complexity and simplicity. I have given away over 20 copies to family and friends and my youth group. "Warning Sign" was our theme last year. This year, Green Eyes. Next year, they graduate, God willing.

BUY this, and hear.

Mike R. Hill

User Name
12-30-2004, 09:06 PM
I stopped reading this before I even started. I have a bad feeling for this thread though.

Chris(tmas)
12-30-2004, 09:09 PM
Originally posted by Cameron@Dec 30 2004, 10:06 PM
I stopped reading this before I even started. I have a bad feeling for this thread though.
Its not that bad.. its just :lol:


I just hope that the guy who wrote the review was really sarcastic and has alot of humor.

Willstar
12-30-2004, 09:09 PM
What in the world? I really doubt that Coldplay put that much thought into that album.

Doctor Manhattan
12-30-2004, 09:20 PM
I was hoping the CD would have 12 tracks so I could say it's about the 12 Days Of Christmas.

Oh well.

The Modfather
12-30-2004, 09:35 PM
I dont understand why some people get that obsessed into their religion. I am a christian and I do go to a Youth Group, but having that much of an obsession with god just annoys the shit out of me. Sorry to anyone who's like that.

Neil
12-30-2004, 09:35 PM
pfft.

How about.... some guys wanted to write some songs... so they did.

The Modfather
12-30-2004, 09:39 PM
Originally posted by Neil@Dec 30 2004, 04:35 PM
pfft.

How about.... some guys wanted to write some songs... so they did.
HAHAH that'll be the story for Linkin Park's new album:

"Witness the epic story of 6 guys, who one day got bored off their ass and wrote another album. The deepest musical story of the past 20 years."

Minus Xero
12-30-2004, 09:42 PM
Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go write a review of how Hybrid Theory relates the life and death of Buddha.

Doctor Manhattan
12-30-2004, 09:45 PM
Buddha died of a papercut while crawling looking for a cure for the itch and a place for his head, but only found the points of authority and got one step closer to being with you, but then he found out his son was a runaway and was pushing him away, so he was all like "I've forgotten you." Then in the end, he found the hybrid theory and became Buddha.

Or something.

Minus Xero
12-30-2004, 09:46 PM
That was so blasphemous(sp?) it made me laugh.

Not to mention it has to be in track order. DUH.

:whistle:

Doctor Manhattan
12-30-2004, 09:47 PM
That's way to hard for my feeble mind.

Omar
12-30-2004, 09:54 PM
Yeah, I'm not trying to start a fight with this thread or say anything degrading about any religion, just, I think that reviewer too their music a little too far out of context...

It's like the critic who hailed Eminem as today's Shakespeare. I agree, Em is incredibly talented, but the two are so incomprobable.

Doctor Manhattan
12-30-2004, 09:57 PM
Some music is meant to make you think about the meaning of the songs and whatnot. I know of atleast one CD I've listened to where I've went through several transitions to thinking it meant one thing, and then realized it was talking about something else.

Maybe this guy did look into it to much, but that's what I like about some music. You can have your own interpretation for a song or album, and not know if you're right or wrong, despite what anyone says.

Omar
12-30-2004, 10:00 PM
Originally posted by Casey@Dec 30 2004, 03:57 PM
Some music is meant to make you think about the meaning of the songs and whatnot. I know of atleast one CD I've listened to where I've went through several transitions to thinking it meant one thing, and then realized it was talking about something else.

Maybe this guy did look into it to much, but that's what I like about some music. You can have your own interpretation for a song or album, and not know if you're right or wrong, despite what anyone says.
I agree with that 100%, but something tells me this guy was more or less looking for something to put God into, rather than make his own interpretation. And isn't it ironic that every song deals with the Bible? :P

Doctor Manhattan
12-30-2004, 10:01 PM
Could be a concept album.

But I highly doubt it.

Adam
12-30-2004, 10:07 PM
Originally posted by Casey+Dec 30 2004, 09:45 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Casey @ Dec 30 2004, 09:45 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Buddha died of a papercut while crawling looking for a cure for the itch and a place for his head, but only found the points of authority and got one step closer to being with you, but then he found out his son was a runaway and was pushing him away, so he was all like "I've forgotten you." Then in the end, he found the hybrid theory and became Buddha.

Or something. [/b]
You have way too much free time. :wth:


<!--QuoteBegin--Casey@Dec 30 2004, 10:01 PM
Could be a concept album.

But I highly doubt it. [/quote]
And no it isn't :lol:

emmmers
12-31-2004, 12:42 AM
Guys, I'm pretty sure the guy who wrote that was just trying to get a laugh out of it. You guys are the ones that are taking things way too seriously. :lol:

Minus Xero
12-31-2004, 12:45 AM
Originally posted by When.Karma.Attacks@Dec 31 2004, 12:42 AM
Guys, I'm pretty sure the guy who wrote that was just trying to get a laugh out of it. You guys are the ones that are taking things way too seriously. :lol:
Actually, I checked up, that guy is serious. He only has two reviews on Amazon, and both have as much thought put into it. It's the Coldplay album and a book.

emmmers
12-31-2004, 12:48 AM
Originally posted by Minus Xero+Dec 30 2004, 04:45 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Minus Xero @ Dec 30 2004, 04:45 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--When.Karma.Attacks@Dec 31 2004, 12:42 AM
Guys, I'm pretty sure the guy who wrote that was just trying to get a laugh out of it. You guys are the ones that are taking things way too seriously. :lol:
Actually, I checked up, that guy is serious. He only has two reviews on Amazon, and both have as much thought put into it. It's the Coldplay album and a book. [/b][/quote]
Well in that case I'll still just take it for the laughs. :lol:

Omar
12-31-2004, 03:38 AM
What's sick is that in a couple of songs, Chris Martin calls the unnamed focus of the song "honey"

Not the type of relationship you wan't with God... :lol:

Glenn
12-31-2004, 04:23 AM
Originally posted by Casey@Dec 30 2004, 04:45 PM
Buddha died of a papercut while crawling looking for a cure for the itch and a place for his head, but only found the points of authority and got one step closer to being with you, but then he found out his son was a runaway and was pushing him away, so he was all like "I've forgotten you." Then in the end, he found the hybrid theory and became Buddha.

Or something.
:lol:!

Atsuzen
12-31-2004, 04:27 AM
That review freaks me out 0_o.

McLovin
12-31-2004, 04:29 AM
Although many pieces of art have biblical and religious references, I doubt Coldplay's album has this many biblical metaphors and references, as this guy says. I think he was reading too much into it, but if he is devoted to his religion and actually loves his fellow neighbor as Jesus says, then good for him.

Holiday
12-31-2004, 08:51 AM
Originally posted by Atsuzen@Dec 31 2004, 04:27 AM
That review freaks me out 0_o.
i concur :chemist: