Divorce

[_diana_]

What do you think about divorce?
I think if people swear that marriage is forever, they should not divorce.

[Jila]

then what if a husband turns out to be abusive? :wth:

i dont see anything wrong with getting a divorce. you shouldnt have to be married to someone you cannot stand. just because someone is a certain way before you got married, does not mean they will stay that way.

[Canadian Joe]

Originally posted by PyRoMaNiaK@Oct 25 2004, 05:45 PM
then what if a husband turns out to be abusive? :wth:

i dont see anything wrong with getting a divorce. you shouldnt have to be married to someone you cannot stand. just because someone is a certain way before you got married, does not mean they will stay that way.
Amen! Although I believe all of that, I also think that some people get a divorce just to get half of the other person's stuff. People like that make me sick...if you have a good reason, then divorce is OK...if you're just greedy, then you make me sick... :rolleyes:

[Jila]

Originally posted by SmashPilot+Oct 25 2004, 03:59 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (SmashPilot @ Oct 25 2004, 03:59 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--PyRoMaNiaK@Oct 25 2004, 05:45 PM
then what if a husband turns out to be abusive? :wth:

i dont see anything wrong with getting a divorce. you shouldnt have to be married to someone you cannot stand. just because someone is a certain way before you got married, does not mean they will stay that way.
Amen&#33; Although I believe all of that, I also think that some people get a divorce just to get half of the other person&#39;s stuff. People like that make me sick...if you have a good reason, then divorce is OK...if you&#39;re just greedy, then you make me sick... :rolleyes: [/b][/quote]
yeah i was thinking that exact same thing except like marrying rich old people and waiting until they die to get their money. *cough*annanicolesmith*cough*

[maverick]

Sometimes divorcing is the only option, but no matter wich reason, the kids are always the victims...:(...

[rosanna]

i am not a christian or anything like that, but i believe that marriage is a huge deal, most people go through a lot to make sure that they can be married, and i don&#39;t understand how they can just throw that away. i guess that i am going through a lot right now with all that and my opinion is influenced, but i still think that marriage is something that cannot just be broken, because it is sacred.

[Debus]

Divorce is fine in my books. I think it is a horrible thing to go through but it is for the best most of the time. You don&#39;t want to live with someone who you really cannot stand the sight of for any longer. That is when kids will begin to get involved and be hurt with all the arguments in the house. It&#39;s all very well to say &#39;Stay together for the kids&#39; but it&#39;s not always best. No one can ever find &#39;the one&#39; straight away and if they can then they are lucky.

[Cassie]

In some case, a divorce in a marriage is inevitable.

I believe divorces can be a positive. Prolonging the continious quarelling between parents begins to take a toll on their children (if any)

My parents are still happily together after 17 years, but I can honestly say the majority of my friend&#39;s parents can&#39;t say the same. :wth:

[Radical Dreamer]

I think people should only get divorced if they have an abusive spouse or they&#39;re in an unhappy marriage. Divorcing someone for their money or property is heartless...marriage isn&#39;t all about convenience. :rolleyes:

[_diana_]

30 years ago, I think, peolpe couldn&#39;t divorce, right?

[adelleda]

I&#39;m in the middle of this. Divorcing is good and sometimes the only option is some cases. Then in other cases there was really no reason for the divorce or getting married in the first place. My Aunt got married and divorced him for drinking to much (but he was never abusive), then got married to another man, ending up having an affair, divorced him and got married to another man who is a heavy drinker. I swear to god she uses marriage as a game.

[越南]

Divorces are wrong.. I think if people really love eachother they wouldnt need to fight or end up getting divorces . If they cant stand eachother , its their fault for not realizing how their husband or wife acts in the first place before marrying them. Thats why its not always good to rush into marriage.. And it pisses me off when kids have to be the ones in the middle of it.

[Madi]

Originally posted by _diana_@Oct 26 2004, 07:27 PM
30 years ago, I think, peolpe couldn&#39;t divorce, right?
Yes they could. Divorce came about in the time of King Henry VIII, that wasn&#39;t 30 years ago...obviously. Its just more common these days and its more excepted.

[Whimsicality]

I don&#39;t think divorce is a bad thing. Better to get divorced then live in an unhappy relationship.

Someone said that if you truely loved someone then you wouldn&#39;t fight and get in a divorce--but it really isn&#39;t that simple.

I mean, think about it. Do you really think that you&#39;ll only love one person in your life? People grow and change over time. Yes, a lot of them get married to young in my opinion, but they got married a hell of a lot younger 200 years ago then today, and yet we have more divorces now than then. My guess is that before divorce was socially acceptable people just stayed in unhappy marriages.

Yes, it&#39;s horrible when people marry and divorce for money, yes it must be terrible for the kids to go through, but is it really better for them to see their parents bickering and unhappy?

I&#39;m not saying it&#39;s not a wonderful thing when people stay together (my parents have been together for close to 20 years I think, my grandparents on Mom&#39;s side over 50) but I don&#39;t think people who have to get into a divorce should be frowned apon.

[Danielle]

I think that considering most people get married in their 20&#39;s and the average age is about 80 then thats about 60 years of marriage. And obviously the person that you married when you were 20 isn&#39;t going to be the same person when they are 80. I just think that if people thought about how much people will change and whther they can accept the changes than its not worth getting married. Also if more people didn&#39;t rush into marriages and get married for the wrong reasons then there woudln&#39;t be so many people getting divorces.

I don&#39;t have a problem with divorce tho because if two people aren&#39;t happy together then it would be rather stupid them staying together..chances are it will end up gettign so bad its affecting people other than the couple. and as for " staying together for the kids" I think thats the worst idea of the lot.

[salinameteora]

I think what a lot of people do not realise when they decide to get married is how much their relationship is going to change.Most people have the notion that "a bit of paper does not change anything", and the reality is that piece of paper changes everything&#33; The first thing it instantly changes are your expectations of each other, What i mean by this is: the things you expect of a boyfriend/girlfriend or the manner in which they act towards you (whether you have been together 10mths or 10yrs is irrelevant) is totally different from what you would expect off a spouse,and so for a lot of couples the problems begin virtually straight away, and it has been made far too easy to walk out of a marriage today than years ago when you had to try and give it a go for at least a year, and the first year of marriage is the worst&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; I have now been divorced for eight years and i was married for one year and two days&#33;&#33;&#33; and my parents have been together thirty four years, married for sixteen although they were nearly heading for divorce after only six months of marriage and they had already done eighteen years (strange how thin that line between love and hate actually is)

[Amy]

Originally posted by PyRoMaNiaK@Oct 26 2004, 08:45 AM
then what if a husband turns out to be abusive? :wth:

i dont see anything wrong with getting a divorce. you shouldnt have to be married to someone you cannot stand. just because someone is a certain way before you got married, does not mean they will stay that way.
Exactly.


My parents have just split up and are getting a divorce because my dad is an abusive alcoholic.


If it is like that, then get a divorce. It&#39;s also not like they should stay together if they aren&#39;t happy with it.

[Unforgiver]

Originally posted by _diana_@Oct 25 2004, 10:17 PM
What do you think about divorce?
I think if people swear that marriage is forever, they should not divorce.
I think the same, married couples are supposed to love each other &#39;til death separates them and be loyal to each other.

[Whimsicality]

Originally posted by UN4G&#33;V3R+Oct 29 2004, 09:18 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (UN4G&#33;V3R @ Oct 29 2004, 09:18 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--_diana_@Oct 25 2004, 10:17 PM
What do you think about divorce?
I think if people swear that marriage is forever, they should not divorce.
I think the same, married couples are supposed to love each other &#39;til death separates them and be loyal to each other.

I mean, think about the rest of your life. Do you think you&#39;ll be the same person at 50 that you are at 20? I don&#39;t know about you, but I hope I&#39;m not.

I agree that people shouldn&#39;t rush into marriage, and should try to work out their troubles instead of divorcing, but...it&#39;s not that simple. [/b][/quote]
Have you read the rest of the thread?

What if the husband turns out to be abusive? Or what if two people who were really compatible from 20 - 30 suddenly find themselves not so attracted to each other&#39;s personalities at 35 or 40? How can you really forsee that?

[Jila]

i think there have been so many divorces that instead of "as long as you both shall live" its sometimes changed to "as long as you both shall love". i remembered watching a show and they said that :wth:

[Unforgiver]

Originally posted by twicethetrouble+Oct 30 2004, 01:47 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (twicethetrouble @ Oct 30 2004, 01:47 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>
Originally posted by -UN4G&#33;V3R@Oct 29 2004, 09:18 PM
<!--QuoteBegin--_diana_@Oct 25 2004, 10:17 PM
What do you think about divorce?
I think if people swear that marriage is forever, they should not divorce.
I think the same, married couples are supposed to love each other &#39;til death separates them and be loyal to each other.

I mean, think about the rest of your life. Do you think you&#39;ll be the same person at 50 that you are at 20? I don&#39;t know about you, but I hope I&#39;m not.

I agree that people shouldn&#39;t rush into marriage, and should try to work out their troubles instead of divorcing, but...it&#39;s not that simple.
Have you read the rest of the thread?

What if the husband turns out to be abusive? Or what if two people who were really compatible from 20 - 30 suddenly find themselves not so attracted to each other&#39;s personalities at 35 or 40? How can you really forsee that? [/b][/quote]
yes, I read that part, but I think people should get married because there is love between each other, not because the guy found attractive the woman. And when things don&#39;t work out, then there is a problem like you said "Do you think you&#39;ll be the same person at 50 that you are at 20?" or "what if the guy turns abusive", you are right about that couples should try to work out their troubles instead of divorcing.

Well, that is what I think, &#39;cause I am not married.

[Jila]

Originally posted by UN4G&#33;V3R+Oct 29 2004, 07:48 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (UN4G&#33;V3R @ Oct 29 2004, 07:48 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>
Originally posted by -twicethetrouble@Oct 30 2004, 01:47 AM

Originally posted by -UN4G&#33;V3R@Oct 29 2004, 09:18 PM
<!--QuoteBegin--_diana_@Oct 25 2004, 10:17 PM
What do you think about divorce?
I think if people swear that marriage is forever, they should not divorce.
I think the same, married couples are supposed to love each other &#39;til death separates them and be loyal to each other.

I mean, think about the rest of your life. Do you think you&#39;ll be the same person at 50 that you are at 20? I don&#39;t know about you, but I hope I&#39;m not.

I agree that people shouldn&#39;t rush into marriage, and should try to work out their troubles instead of divorcing, but...it&#39;s not that simple.
Have you read the rest of the thread?

What if the husband turns out to be abusive? Or what if two people who were really compatible from 20 - 30 suddenly find themselves not so attracted to each other&#39;s personalities at 35 or 40? How can you really forsee that?
yes, I read that part, but I think people should get married because there is love between each other, not because the guy found attractive the woman. And when things don&#39;t work out, then there is a problem like you said "Do you think you&#39;ll be the same person at 50 that you are at 20?" or "what if the guy turns abusive", you are right about that couples should try to work out their troubles instead of divorcing.

Well, that is what I think, &#39;cause I am not married. [/b][/quote]
well the world isnt all that perfect, something you obviously dont understand.

[Futuristic]

I think it&#39;s better to come to terms that your marriage won&#39;t work, than to deny it and live in unhappiness. I don&#39;t see anything wrong with divorce- i know that a marriage is supposed to last forever, but staying together because you feel you have to seems wrong. As for "staying together for the kids", think about it- if you were a kid, would you rather go through the pain of a divorce, or live in a house where your parents don&#39;t love each other?

[salinameteora]

does anyone ele think that the reason we believe that "marriage" is meant to be forever is because we are brought up being told fairy stories where once you meet your true love, you will both live "happily ever after" and the idealism of this is far better than the reality of you marry, you argue, you fight, there is no servants or enchanted castle only the both of you working hard to pay off the 25yr mortgage you have, and more than likely end up hating each other and not talking to each other except through your lawyer?

[Jila]

Originally posted by salinameteora@Oct 29 2004, 09:58 PM
does anyone ele think that the reason we believe that "marriage" is meant to be forever is because we are brought up being told fairy stories where once you meet your true love, you will both live "happily ever after" and the idealism of this is far better than the reality of you marry, you argue, you fight, there is no servants or enchanted castle only the both of you working hard to pay off the 25yr mortgage you have, and more than likely end up hating each other and not talking to each other except through your lawyer?
you actually have a really good point. people grow up with someone telling them how when you get married its the greatest thing in the world, its magical, and special. so they rush into it (i.e. britney spears, jennifer lopez), they dont really think it through. and psh, dont expect them to stay together. even people with half a brain would realize most marriages like that wont work out.

[salinameteora]

maybe the norm these days is being single and marriage is the abnorm&#33; but thats a good point about even celebs rushing in i.e twitney how old is she and already on her second marriage and as for ms lopez? a brain cell wouldnt go amiss there,would it&#33; :rolleyes:

[Whimsicality]

Originally posted by salinameteora@Oct 30 2004, 12:58 AM
does anyone ele think that the reason we believe that "marriage" is meant to be forever is because we are brought up being told fairy stories where once you meet your true love, you will both live "happily ever after" and the idealism of this is far better than the reality of you marry, you argue, you fight, there is no servants or enchanted castle only the both of you working hard to pay off the 25yr mortgage you have, and more than likely end up hating each other and not talking to each other except through your lawyer?
That is a very good point.

[Mark]

Divorce in the case of abuse, absolutely.
Divorce if it doesn&#39;t affect your children, absolutely.

Many people rush into marraiges, and also rush into divorces. I believe if two people can no longer connect, then yes, divorce should follow suit. But it has to be unselfish.

If you have children, a divorce can affect them dramatically. Fighting in front of a child is also traumatizing. When kids are being yanked between houses, and sometimes not even permitted to see their father/mother, they can become insociable and troubled. This does not happen all the time, but the mental impact on a kid (mostly teens) that his/her parents no longer love each other can impact hard, they sometimes shoulder the blame and become depressed and angry. If it benefits the child, by all means, go ahead. But if your children will suffer because of it, then keep the anger behind closed doors and try to work together, for the sake of the kid.

[Garfield]

I thing marige is the most stupid thing in the world. If people love each other and want to live together, the paper is just a formaliti, but when they get sick of each other they can&#39;t get awy that easy. My dads family made him mary my mum cause they don&#39;t think it&#39;s ok to date. My dad is abusive and we can&#39;t get ride of him &#39;cause he doesn&#39;t want to get devorced so he can fight with my mum. They hate each other and they would be better of without each other. My grandpa used to bitup my grandma and he bit&#39;s anyone who is related to him and visits him. His an alcoholich. My dads part of the family is like that and they don&#39;t belive in divorce cause they are "good" catholics

[Garfield]

Originally posted by Mark@Oct 30 2004, 06:36 PM
Divorce in the case of abuse, absolutely.
Divorce if it doesn&#39;t affect your children, absolutely.

Many people rush into marraiges, and also rush into divorces. I believe if two people can no longer connect, then yes, divorce should follow suit. But it has to be unselfish.

If you have children, a divorce can affect them dramatically. Fighting in front of a child is also traumatizing. When kids are being yanked between houses, and sometimes not even permitted to see their father/mother, they can become insociable and troubled. This does not happen all the time, but the mental impact on a kid (mostly teens) that his/her parents no longer love each other can impact hard, they sometimes shoulder the blame and become depressed and angry. If it benefits the child, by all means, go ahead. But if your children will suffer because of it, then keep the anger behind closed doors and try to work together, for the sake of the kid.
when my parents almost got divorced I didn&#39;t want my dad to go awy. Biggest mistake of my life. The more he grows old, the more abusive he gets.

[Mark]

Originally posted by Garfield+Oct 30 2004, 06:17 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Garfield @ Oct 30 2004, 06:17 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--Mark@Oct 30 2004, 06:36 PM
Divorce in the case of abuse, absolutely.
Divorce if it doesn&#39;t affect your children, absolutely.

Many people rush into marraiges, and also rush into divorces. I believe if two people can no longer connect, then yes, divorce should follow suit. But it has to be unselfish.

If you have children, a divorce can affect them dramatically. Fighting in front of a child is also traumatizing. When kids are being yanked between houses, and sometimes not even permitted to see their father/mother, they can become insociable and troubled. This does not happen all the time, but the mental impact on a kid (mostly teens) that his/her parents no longer love each other can impact hard, they sometimes shoulder the blame and become depressed and angry. If it benefits the child, by all means, go ahead. But if your children will suffer because of it, then keep the anger behind closed doors and try to work together, for the sake of the kid.
when my parents almost got divorced I didn&#39;t want my dad to go awy. Biggest mistake of my life. The more he grows old, the more abusive he gets. [/b][/quote]
Don&#39;t double post.

Again, if the man (or woman) is abusive, the divorce should happen. As I said.

[Jila]

Garfield: you could always call the police, since abuse is illegal.


I thing marige is the most stupid thing in the world.
it might be pretty stupid, but marraige benefits are also a reason why people get married. which is a huge reason why homosexuals want that right as well.

[the_face_inside]

my parents got separeted when i was three and i can tell you that divorce really hurts kids&#39; hearts. even though i&#39;m grown now, i really feel that there&#39;s a missin&#39;part of me and that&#39;s familly life&#33;

[Dean]

My parents aren&#39;t divorced, but they may as well be. It&#39;s saddening when I think about it, but you learn to live with it.
I don&#39;t see much point in marriage unless you&#39;re after some of the benefits... citizenship and the like. Then again, I think there are certain religions where you have to be married to be an item with someone.

[Kevin]

I think divore isn&#39;ta bad thing when the sitation is ver bad why would you stay together

[Garfield]

Originally posted by PyRoMaNiaK@Oct 30 2004, 11:03 PM
Garfield: you could always call the police, since abuse is illegal.


I thing marige is the most stupid thing in the world.
it might be pretty stupid, but marraige benefits are also a reason why people get married. which is a huge reason why homosexuals want that right as well.
where I live the police doesn&#39;t do much. My mum told me that if she calls the police they wont take my dad away, they&#39;ll just warn him about disturbing the peace. The police isn&#39;t efective.

[Jila]

Originally posted by Garfield+Nov 1 2004, 05:03 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Garfield @ Nov 1 2004, 05:03 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--PyRoMaNiaK@Oct 30 2004, 11:03 PM
Garfield: you could always call the police, since abuse is illegal.


I thing marige is the most stupid thing in the world.
it might be pretty stupid, but marraige benefits are also a reason why people get married. which is a huge reason why homosexuals want that right as well.
where I live the police doesn&#39;t do much. My mum told me that if she calls the police they wont take my dad away, they&#39;ll just warn him about disturbing the peace. The police isn&#39;t efective. [/b][/quote]
god, where do you live? :wth:

but i mean, if hes been continuously abusive and you tell the police that, then maybe theyll be able to get him away from you, at least a restraining order or something.

[Garfield]

Originally posted by PyRoMaNiaK+Nov 2 2004, 12:07 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (PyRoMaNiaK @ Nov 2 2004, 12:07 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>
Originally posted by -Garfield@Nov 1 2004, 05:03 AM
<!--QuoteBegin--PyRoMaNiaK@Oct 30 2004, 11:03 PM
Garfield: you could always call the police, since abuse is illegal.


I thing marige is the most stupid thing in the world.
it might be pretty stupid, but marraige benefits are also a reason why people get married. which is a huge reason why homosexuals want that right as well.
where I live the police doesn&#39;t do much. My mum told me that if she calls the police they wont take my dad away, they&#39;ll just warn him about disturbing the peace. The police isn&#39;t efective.
god, where do you live? :wth:

but i mean, if hes been continuously abusive and you tell the police that, then maybe theyll be able to get him away from you, at least a restraining order or something. [/b][/quote]
In my country the police don&#39;t even know the law about abuse in the familly. They just say that it&#39;s disturbing the paece. It was in the paper a few times that the police is useless. I think they wouldn&#39;t even bother if they got a call and someone told them that someone is mentaly abuseing him. I know that everything would be graet if my parents get divorced, but the problem is that they both have to sing it, and my dad doesn&#39;t want to do it.
Tha&#39;s how it usualy is. The abusive one doesn&#39;t want to sign. My mum was stupid and she did what her parents told her. She could have just lived with my dad so she could kikck him out when they stop loving each other, but now, even if they get divorced, the apartmant belonges to both of them so my dad could go one living here, and that wouldn&#39;t solve anything.