Unfurnished Feelings

[Dark Knight]

Unfurnished Feelings

I'm sick of trying, trying is just too hard
Every time I try it's a struggle, and when I struggle I feel barred

Trying leads to nothing, and nothing is supposed to lead to all
When is my chance going to come, and when will I be able to do something other than fall

Time and time again the same results ensue
There have been many times back to back where I felt I never knew what to do

Lost perhaps, in a world of confusion, frustration, and wrath
When I’m told what to do I end up succeeding, but when I go my own way I never take the right path

I know I can never achieve perfection, and miles away from it is which I am
I’m constantly ripping away at myself, and the final words in which I speak always seem similar to Damn

I'm tired of it, perhaps its fate that I’m always wrong
I could end this poem now, but I give up, I’ll do it later on…..

[Dark Knight]

Read it and critisize my writing to the highest degree... :brad:
I'd sure take it into consideration
Don't be to harsh :blink:

[Luke/Hellflame]

Pretty decent :thumbsup:

[esaul17]

Average. Not too bad, just a little awkward at parts, like you were revolving the sentence around an effort to reach a predetermined rhyming word. The worst of this was the sentence that ended in Damn.I have done this many times and know it usually leads to a rather generic and awkward song. I'm not saying that it is bad, I like the message and can relate to it. Especially when you say you can do what your told but not do something by yourself. Lastly I can't seem to get any beat out of it. Overall great concept you just have to work on the package a little more.

6/10

[Dark Knight]

Yeah, I understand what your getting at. I did get kinda lazy on the Damn part, but i'll take it into consideration. thanks :mike: