View Full Version : Joke Of The Day
lpfan1924
01-28-2003, 01:18 PM
Q. Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?
A. Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.
-----
Q. How is marriage like a hot bath?
A. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
-----
The blonde's husband came home and almost fainted from the stench in the house.
"Honey, why haven't you changed the baby's diaper?"
The blonde wife said, "I'm not supposed to do it yet."
The husband replied, "But it's been on for four days!"
"I'm just following the directions on this package. See? It says 10 to 15 lbs."
------
If you all like these jokes then just tell me if I shall continue :unsure:
XxLPxX
01-28-2003, 04:26 PM
Removed.
Originally posted by XxLPxX@Jan 28 2003, 11:26 AM
No racisim intendented.
really? I found that joke nothing BUT racist
Nikki
01-28-2003, 04:56 PM
I'm insulting myself here but hey...
There's a clever blonde...a brunette and santa clause stood on a bridge and they all jump off.
Q: Which one hits the ground first
A: The brunette-because the other two don't exist...
Originally posted by XxLPxX@Jan 28 2003, 01:26 PM
I got one..
What do you call a black preist?
Holy #### :lol:
No racisim intendented.
that was so horribly racist that it isn't funny. i can't believe you told that.
it's only because of derek that you're still on these forums, i can't believe you.
XxLPxX
01-28-2003, 06:39 PM
Jesus, its not like I made it up.
You guys are getting to the point that all you care about is getting news first.
XxLPxX
01-28-2003, 06:52 PM
Anyways, sorry if I offended any of you.
PP:KUt
01-28-2003, 08:00 PM
a blind guy walks by a fish store and says "why hello ladies"
yeah....that joke by xxlpxx was pretty racist....i found it aight, i dont mind jokes like that(i grow up in bad neighborhood), but yeah, some other people might get offended...so yeah
Originally posted by XxLPxX@Jan 28 2003, 03:39 PM
Jesus, its not like I made it up.
You guys are getting to the point that all you care about is getting news first.
and you should be damn well happy we care about updating the site.
read the rules, even if it is a joke, there are to be no racist comments on these boards, i thought you made more sense. wake-up, woman!
Derek The Infamous
01-28-2003, 09:43 PM
Originally posted by LPFAN05+Jan 28 2003, 09:44 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (LPFAN05 @ Jan 28 2003, 09:44 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--XxLPxX@Jan 28 2003, 03:39 PM
Jesus, its not like I made it up.
You guys are getting to the point that all you care about is getting news first.
and you should be damn well happy we care about updating the site.
read the rules, even if it is a joke, there are to be no racist comments on these boards, i thought you made more sense. wake-up, woman! [/b][/quote]
Yes. You are warned xxlpxx. Watch what you say because next time we wont be so easy on you. You should of KNOWN that was racist.
I was nice to you on AIM but now that your saying sh*t about our site, that makes me mad.
PP:KUt
01-28-2003, 09:56 PM
did anyone like my joke???? cmon!!! here i got another one:
a guy walks into a bar and says "hey, wanan see somethin amazing?" then he pulls out a little piano player and a little piano, and he starts playing the piano. some guy says "whoa thats cool, where didu get him?" the guy said "well i was walkin along the beach one day and i found this lamp....i rubbed it and wished for somethin, and then it just appeared!" the other guy said "whoa can i try it?" sure, the man said. so the guy rubbed it and said, I WISH FOR A MILLION BUCKS! and all of a sudden, a million ducks appeared all over the bar. "hey! this isnt what i wished for, this lamp is defected!" then the guy said "yeah i know....do u actually think i wished for a 12 inch pianist?" .....lol
What do you do when a blonde throwns you a hand grenade?
Pull the pin out and throw it back
:lol:
PPRKUT: Funny but i ve heard em :P
Carlinha
01-28-2003, 11:38 PM
Originally posted by Kat@Jan 28 2003, 05:56 PM
I'm insulting myself here but hey...
There's a clever blonde...a brunette and santa clause stood on a bridge and they all jump off.
Q: Which one hits the ground first
A: The brunette-because the other two don't exist...
that was funny :lol:
Linkin_maddness
01-29-2003, 02:38 AM
lol there all pretty funny
um i have a dirty joke which i find a pisser hope no one minds...
Q: What is 69 + 69??
A: Dinner for 4
and another i have i dont mean to offend anyone by this...
Q: Why do New Zealand horses race so fast??
A: Coz they have seen what happens to the sheep
hope no on was offended or anything but i find them funny
Originally posted by Omihomi28@Jan 29 2003, 09:53 AM
What do you do when a blonde throwns you a hand grenade?
Pull the pin out and throw it back
:lol:
that is so mean omi :lol: there are blondes here :P
i use to have heaps that i got from friends but i deleted them all :blink:
Bryan
01-29-2003, 03:45 PM
Here's one, you gotta read it carefully, or you wont understand it.
Little Susy and little Johnny were playing in the sandbox and Susy said to Johnny, "Johnny, what's a p*nis?" Johnny said, "I dont know, let me go home and ask my daddy"
So Johnny ran home to his dad and said "Dad, what's a p*nis." Johnny's dad pulled down his(not johnny's) pants and said "Jonny, this is a p*nis, and it happens to be the best p*nis in the world"
Johnny then ran back to the sandbox to where Susy was, and pulled down his own pants and said "Susy, this is a p*nis, and it would be the best p*nis if it was 2 inch's shorter"
Tell me if you get it... :lol:
Nikki
01-29-2003, 04:03 PM
Originally posted by Chester 76@Jan 29 2003, 04:45 PM
Here's one, you gotta read it carefully, or you wont understand it.
Little Susy and little Johnny were playing in the sandbox and Susy said to Johnny, "Johnny, what's a p*nis?" Johnny said, "I dont know, let me go home and ask my daddy"
So Johnny ran home to his dad and said "Dad, what's a p*nis." Johnny's dad pulled down his(not johnny's) pants and said "Jonny, this is a p*nis, and it happens to be the best p*nis in the world"
Johnny then ran back to the sandbox to where Susy was, and pulled down his own pants and said "Susy, this is a p*nis, and it would be the best p*nis if it was 2 inch's shorter"
Tell me if you get it... :lol:
I...LOVED that one :shifty:
And now...the worse joke in the world.
A man walks into a bar and says "ouch"
I mean...how pointless is that?!
Nikki
01-29-2003, 04:04 PM
Bah...this is a double post...someone please delete it....
I think I got overexcited on the "post" button again :'(
Wait-actually:
Three boys outside a class (in a coat room thingy let's say) one called Zip, one called Willy and the other one called Pee.
The lads decide to play Hide-and-seek...and the all play. Zip climbs up onto a cupboard...Willy goes into the cupboard and Pee just stands in the center of the room counting...
A few seconds later, their teacher comes out and spots Pee in the middle of the room. She marches up to him and realises that the other two boys are in the room...
She shouts:
ZIP DOWN, WILLY OUT, PEE IN THE CORNER
Might be a little hard to get...but it's a half-decent joke...
Originally posted by Chester 76@Jan 29 2003, 11:45 AM
Here's one, you gotta read it carefully, or you wont understand it.
Little Susy and little Johnny were playing in the sandbox and Susy said to Johnny, "Johnny, what's a p*nis?" Johnny said, "I dont know, let me go home and ask my daddy"
So Johnny ran home to his dad and said "Dad, what's a p*nis." Johnny's dad pulled down his(not johnny's) pants and said "Jonny, this is a p*nis, and it happens to be the best p*nis in the world"
Johnny then ran back to the sandbox to where Susy was, and pulled down his own pants and said "Susy, this is a p*nis, and it would be the best p*nis if it was 2 inch's shorter"
Tell me if you get it... :lol:
:mellow:
:unsure:
:mellow:
:lol: :lol: :lol:
That was awesome... rotfl.
XxLPxX
01-29-2003, 07:55 PM
Originally posted by Linkin_maddness@Jan 28 2003, 11:38 PM
lol there all pretty funny
um i have a dirty joke which i find a pisser hope no one minds...
Q: What is 69 + 69??
A: Dinner for 4
and another i have i dont mean to offend anyone by this...
Q: Why do New Zealand horses race so fast??
A: Coz they have seen what happens to the sheep
hope no on was offended or anything but i find them funny
How come he didn't get in trouble? ( not throwing you in or anything )
Originally posted by XxLPxX+Jan 29 2003, 03:55 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (XxLPxX @ Jan 29 2003, 03:55 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--Linkin_maddness@Jan 28 2003, 11:38 PM
lol there all pretty funny
um i have a dirty joke which i find a pisser hope no one minds...
Q: What is 69 + 69??
A: Dinner for 4
and another i have i dont mean to offend anyone by this...
Q: Why do New Zealand horses race so fast??
A: Coz they have seen what happens to the sheep
hope no on was offended or anything but i find them funny
How come he didn't get in trouble? ( not throwing you in or anything ) [/b][/quote]
Because there was nothing offensive in that joke.
Savor this time to post because you won't be here much longer.
And for those of you who are "iffy" on the second joke... There are sheep shearers in New Zealand, therefore the horses race so fast so they don't get sheared as well. Get it? Ha. Ha. Ha. It has nothing to do with them performing sexual acts on the animals.
Originally posted by Chester 76@Jan 29 2003, 10:45 AM
Here's one, you gotta read it carefully, or you wont understand it.
Little Susy and little Johnny were playing in the sandbox and Susy said to Johnny, "Johnny, what's a p*nis?" Johnny said, "I dont know, let me go home and ask my daddy"
So Johnny ran home to his dad and said "Dad, what's a p*nis." Johnny's dad pulled down his(not johnny's) pants and said "Jonny, this is a p*nis, and it happens to be the best p*nis in the world"
Johnny then ran back to the sandbox to where Susy was, and pulled down his own pants and said "Susy, this is a p*nis, and it would be the best p*nis if it was 2 inch's shorter"
Tell me if you get it... :lol:
I heard a similar one.
Little susy and johnny were friends. Well it was 'that time of the month' for susy, her first time. She wasn't sure what all the blood was from, so she asked her friend Johnny. He took her pants off and took a look at it, and said "Well it looks to be like someone ripped your balls off"
another one
Sex in Florida
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare
"What do you call a fly with no wings?"
"I don't know. What do you call a fly with no wings?"
"A walk."
:lol:
A couple walk into a sex therapists office and asks the doctor for help. "Our love life isn't what you would call 'perfect,'" said the man, "because we can't seem to get stimulated. Can you help us?" The doctor agreed and examined them. "Well, I can tell you this... Go to the grocery store and buy a box of donuts and a bag of cherries. You [the husband] will toss the cherries on your wife's lap and get at them with your mouth and without using your hands wherever they land. You [the wife] will do the same with the donuts. After a few weeks their sex life was great and the wife was telling her friend about it so she went to the same sex therapist with her husband. Here's what the doctor told her and her husband: "Well, you can go to the grocery store and buy a box of Cheerios [to toss on the husband's lap] and a bag of apples [to toss on the wife's lap] and tell me how it goes."
:lol: That's pretty lame but it's funny. That's not exactly how it goes either but I'm too lazy to find the "real" version, lmao.
CHAPSTICk
01-30-2003, 03:03 AM
Q: What did the alien say to the cow?
A: The alien said....paper towl. the joke isnt supposed to make sense. I made that joke up to annoy my family. My mom tried to think of the answer for five days, then when i told her the answer she spent three days trying to make sense out of it :D
Linkin_maddness
02-02-2003, 12:07 AM
Originally posted by XxLPxX@Jan 29 2003, 08:55 PM
How come he didn't get in trouble? ( not throwing you in or anything )
meh i dunno they werent that bad were they oh and by the way im not a he im a she :rolleyes:
Isn't whoever that XxLPxX is gone? Why is everybody still rolling there eyes n' stuff?? :rolleyes: :P
White Pony(turntables)
02-02-2003, 03:49 AM
WHAT DO YOU CALL A COW WITHOUT LEGS??!
GROUND BEEF!!1
http://www.stuffucanuse.com/Odds_and_Sods/arguing1.jpgfunny but mean
Originally posted by Omihomi28@Feb 2 2003, 12:33 AM
http://www.stuffucanuse.com/Odds_and_Sods/arguing1.jpgfunny but mean
HAHAHA! You found it! I was trying to find that to show Derek and Mark weeks ago, lmfao.
Tell me if you get it.
Picture (http://atlas.imagemagician.com/images/dpunk1/mailfood.bmp)
Nikki
02-02-2003, 05:48 PM
Pictures now...well this is MY speciality:
CLICK ME (http://www.boomspeed.com/dsefsd/kermitavatar.gif)
I might put that as my avatar...but it might offend...so I won't ;)
Originally posted by Kat@Feb 2 2003, 06:48 PM
Pictures now...well this is MY speciality:
CLICK ME (http://www.boomspeed.com/dsefsd/kermitavatar.gif)
I might put that as my avatar...but it might offend...so I won't ;)
I always knew frogs were dirty lil' bastards! :lol:
LinkinJunior
02-11-2003, 01:36 AM
Q -- What's the difference between In-Laws and Out Laws?
Answer:
Out-laws are wanted!
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