concealing the pain

[~*Numb*~]

i don't really mind if you say it sucks. but at the moment i am kinda looking for constructive critizism *i don't know how to spell that forgive me*

um ok here it comes...

-----------------------------
I hold on to what isn't there,
I don't know how i get anywhere
Eyes shut so tight the fears' bleeding through
I just don't know what to do

I hold on to what isn't there
Lies circling me everwhere
Nothing left to do but wait
As i slowly suffocate
Watching as everyone moves into the future
While i'm held back by my sinned past

No i cannot go
I refuse the truth once more
I roughly slam the door
I fall and hit the floor
The wound from my tortured heart still fresh
Pain screams from my soul
Nothing fills this gaping hole
The truth might lead me safe from hell
But you left me so what's left to tell?

*this part doesn't actually rhyme but you know it's just there.. it sorta goes with the poem but it's turned into a... complete free verse*

This hole you brought upon my heart still gapes
I guess i need you... i didn't know
I needed the pain from you to keep me from... myself
Loosing grip of what wasn't there i slip into my own resent
And subside my soul by the given knife.

------------------------

hope you didn't think it was horrible!

[Anya]

You were actually hesitating to put this on here? That's awsome for a beginner dude. I'd give it a 7/10. I think you did an awsome job. :)

[~*Numb*~]

Originally posted by Anya@Jul 1 2004, 08:32 PM
You were actually hesitating to put this on here? That's awsome for a beginner dude. I'd give it a 7/10. I think you did an awsome job. :)
thank you! ^_^

[ass_kicker]

its great, awesome job ^_^
i like the ending the most. id give it a 10/10.

[Leones]

very nice poem, very nice :) I'd give it a 9/10

[~*Numb*~]

thank you all you are so kind ^_^

[don't do this]

lovely stuff ;)