tell meeh wat u think of mai poems

[N iz 4 NATAYA]

tell meeh wat u think of mai poems.. kk??

My Name is Nameless

I am something
That doesn't exist
If you look my direction
You'll only see mist

People say they know me
They call me their friend
But when I ask for their help
A hand, they will not lend

I sit alone in my corner
Deprived of any fun
Hidden in the darkness
I am a no one

Without any senses left
I live a life that is aimless
What is my name?
My name is nameless

*and*

Silent Tears
I despised the world
It rejected me; it spit me out
I didn't belong there or anywhere
Everywhere I looked, I found doubt

It caused me to hurt
It caused me to hate
I waited to let the feelings out
But when I did, it was too late

For I had buried too many emotions
The hole was too packed
The right thing to cover and it with
Was the one thing I lacked

The emotions overflowed
As sharp and painful as spears
But despite all the pain
It was just a stream of silent tears

:peace:

[arT saveS]

Those are both very good. Let me give you a few tips though...

1. You will get more people if your subject title is more mature. ie... if you had put "Tell me what you think of my poems", you would have probably gotten some more reply's. Use actual words. Also, if you put the title of the song(s)/poem(s), that too may help, because if the title of a certain song/poem is unique, people will be interested and decide to look.

2. Try to stay away from the same old - generic ABCB rhyme scheme. It get's very boring, and is used all the time. I'm not going to tell you to use another rhyme scheme, because I think you should write it however you feel you should, I'm just saying it wouldn't be as ... buh ... that kinda describes it I suppose. If you like how you write them, keep writing that way, but try to, every once in a while, try something different.

3. See 1. (Especially what's in bold/italicized.)

All in all, very good. They are both very relatable. And don't think I meant your poems we're boring - far from it - but how you write it is bland.

My Name is Nameless......8/10
Silent Tears..............9/10

[Mechanical Christ]

Originally posted by N iz 4 NATAYA@May 31 2004, 08:52 AM
tell meeh wat u think of mai poems.. kk??


Nataya..LEARN TO SPELL.