"Coins for Charon" and an Untitlled song

[tkd_rap]

Now for the song, i havent found a good title for it yet, and really want help with it, a working title is "Redemtion Lost" i have had many titles, but none i have liked. This is the 5th version of the song

“Lost Hope”
[One more version possible]


[V1]I put my feet to the pavement / feeling my pace quicken/ sweat dripping of my face/ as I feel mistaken/ I’m half broken waiting for this sin/ to catch up with me/ looking around for a away out of this/ I find there is no escape/ so what do I do now?/ when there’s only you to turn to/ how do go on/ when I cant see / because the sky has lost its color/ and my reasoning has become nonsense/ how do I obtain peace of mind/ when I put a bullet through my own conscience/ the infection is growing now/ I cant stop this/

[C1] So could you ever? / Is there a way? / For you to forgive what I have done/ when the pain inside is so deep/ when the pain inside is what you keep/ please don’t go/ I’m still here/ please don’t go/ don’t leave me to myself

[V2] Darkness starts to swallow up the light/ my silhouette quickly fading away/ fear sets in/ because I know what’s about to happen/ so I drop to my knees with my one last plea/ a plea that you still haven’t answered/ my hate I can feel so close to me/ my infection I can feel spreading/ but the harder I try to fight it off / the more I am filled with doubt/ and now my silhouette has completely faded out/ the infection is growing/ I cant stop this/ I can’t stop this/

[C2] So could you ever? / Is there a way? / For you to forgive what I have done/ when the pain inside is so deep/ when the pain inside is what you keep/ please don’t go/ I’m still here/ please don’t go/ don’t leave me to myself

[Ending rap verse]

I’m trapped inside this dark prison
I Miss-stepped and stumbled over your indecision
My miss-kept soul crumpled by your sedition
My Broken cries silenced by screams from the chasms
Their violent tones growing as I listen
Knocking me off my feet with a violent spasm
Then I see my own web of lies draw itself in the distance
I’m wounded not able to offer up any resistance
As I feel my heart beat start to cease internally
From my own sin an infection that grows inside of me
I’m so lost in pain my death becomes a gain
I would do so much worse if I chose to remain
So I give one last scream against all who appose
Before the last page of my life is closed
________________________

“Coins for Charon”

Today launches a multitude of new faces to the world
Some will chose the sword for valor and for their believes
And some will bow and cower to Kings hoping for relief
But today another sail floats across the river Styx yet again
Full of those who have exhausted their lives
And of those who were robbed by the greed of men

Someone’s eyes will open too the horror of what we’ve become
To a nameless bloodied face wondering what’s happened to peace
As the wind carries the will of men beckoning us to come
I look upon the lifeless and envy their violent release

The wickedness of men will never die with another war
Just the brave few who carried out their nightmares with courage
While the “great” kings of past fill their insatiable lust evermore

Someone will come one day with a resolution for us all
But we will turn our arrogant heads away and more men will fall


Today another sail floats across the river Styx, yet again
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[Messy Marj]

You've got there nice work mate!
You're getting better and better ^_^
my favourite:
So I give one last scream against all who appose
Before the last page of my life is closed


What's wrong with the title?
It's a nice title, i think :)

[Atsuzen]

:lol: I like the song! The composition kinda reminds me of And One ...

"Coins for Charon" is a poem ... is it? Forgive me if I'm wrong! It's nice, and I like the choice of words.

Keep it up!

[tkd_rap]

yes the "Coins" one is a poem, and the first song yeah does remind me of "And One" to the way its set up, but through many drafts it finally got that way, it originally had the rap at the beginning, then at the beginning and end, then i combided them and had it at the end, which is what you see now. Thanks for the comments, and keep them comming, hopefully one of the creative minds here will come up with a better title for the song [will has some wierd but cool titles]

And if anyone was wondering, what "Coins for Charon" is, Charon is the boat keeper that you must pay to get across the rive of the dead, the river Styx