Pathetic

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by ahamLP, Mar 15, 2005.

  1. ahamLP

    ahamLP Well-Known Member

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    Here is a poem which I wrote please read it and plz plz give ur feedback I would love to read ur comments whatever they are.


    I have become shallow from the inside
    Never thought of those who weren't on my side
    Never shared happiness even with those who were just beside
    Never even looked at them even when I had to decide


    Loved by very few and hated by most
    I set out to eat everyone thinking them my toast
    Didn't help anyone but never missed a chance to boast
    Saw thier lives burning and just let them roast


    Why have I become so cheap?
    Stabbing everyone for that one giant leap
    Breaking all the promises that I had to keep
    Forgetting that what you sow is what you reap


    God is the way I should lead ?
    Is it what I wanted and was there any need ?
    How could I have done this to fulfil my greed ?
    God please don't forgive me and don't even heed
     
  2. silver.flames13

    silver.flames13 Active Member

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    That's awesome. You've got some real talent.
    The second stanza is my favorite.

    :thumbsup:
    ~*Silver
     
  3. Evil Angel

    Evil Angel Ambient

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    no baby i'd give it a gold!
     
  4. Ivana

    Ivana Extremely H! Vltg3

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    Good job ;)
     
  5. lp_sk8ergurl

    lp_sk8ergurl Well-Known Member

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  6. notneo

    notneo Well-Known Member

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    Yaah its good stuff . The first stanza is my fav actually . For "think b4u think " . You sure seem to think a lot.
     
  7. JessaBomb

    JessaBomb Banned

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    Thats great, Wish I could write sumfin like that, all I can do is lovey-dovey stuff ~gag~
     
  8. Il inno di morte

    Il inno di morte A noi si schiude il ciel...

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    :lol: man, u rule!! I really liked this poem, i believe is the best I've ever heard! actually, i really feel it inside of me, because i believe i have a similar situation. I think we are very similar. I believe we kind of share that loneliness inside. sometimes (at least it happens to me), we are really selfish, mean, unfair or that kind of stuff with the others. I'm really sorry, cuz my hand could never express what's inside my heart, at least not completely. but i think u get me, right? :blush:
    hope to hear from u soon. c ya!
     
  9. D_A_V_I_D

    D_A_V_I_D Pure Pwnage

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    NICE ^_^

    I just LOVE the last line.
    it really makes u feel the pain and regret of what the person has done.

    i felt that the lind ending in toast was trying a bit too hard to rhyme but thats just me

    great poem
     

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