Misread (please read and reply)

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by gazzalp, Jun 29, 2003.

  1. gazzalp

    gazzalp Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2003
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    heres my newest song, i kind of took a different approach and dont believe it worked out as well as my last couple, please tell me what you think, all replies are greatly appreciated.

    MISREAD

    Should I release the poison into my throat?
    On these tears I don’t float
    Here I am drowning
    Counting all the times I was frowning

    Im sick of living this life of pain
    My life’s like undulating terrain
    It’s pushing me so far
    My hearts as black as tar
    Free from the dead sea of eternity
    And those lies you made me see

    Should I put a gun to my head?
    Im sick of all those things you said
    Tired from the many tears I shed
    All the years Ive had these thoughts in my head

    Im sick of living this life of pain
    My life’s like undulating terrain
    It’s pushing me so far
    My hearts as black as tar
    Free from the dead sea of perpetuity
    These lies lay with me for infinity

    Should I pull this knife away from my skin?
    The reflection on the blade shows my sin
    So I cut myself deep within my skin
    Not with the knife but with my life
     
  2. gazzalp

    gazzalp Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2003
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    bump, i know this isnt a very good song but please still reply and tell me what you think.
     
  3. LinkinTheory

    LinkinTheory Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2003
    Messages:
    702
    Likes Received:
    0
    Aside from in the last verse, you shoukld say something like cut myself from deep within in stead of using skin. And there were a couple other places you used the same word twice. But other than that, really good. I'm beggining to like your stuff Gazzl-wtf.
     
  4. gazzalp

    gazzalp Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2003
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    thanks for your reply linkin theory, and your tips, ill try to write more with more meaningfull lyrics, i just hate deciding what topic to write on, so if anyone has suggestions (has to be a emotional topic but about something bad/sad) anyway i thought you would understand gazza (my name is gary) and lp (come on you should know this one)
     
  5. LinkinTheory

    LinkinTheory Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2003
    Messages:
    702
    Likes Received:
    0
    Whoa, I made a lot of mistakes in that post.
     
  6. gazzalp

    gazzalp Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2003
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    hehe, any ideas on what topic i could write about? right now im going to write one about running away/ ignoring and stuff like that, but i would appreciate ideas for my next song.
     

Share This Page