Death of a Parent

Discussion in 'Serious Chat' started by John, Jul 2, 2007.

  1. #1

    John LPA Super Member LPA Super Member

    Apr 6, 2005
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    Hey everyone, i just wanna share with all of you that i lost my dad 12 years ago and i wanted to talk about it, which is the best way to deal with this? it's been a lot of time since then but sometimes i feel like i can't go on without him and i feel so alone, they are even some days that i feel like i don't wanna be here anymore
    i just wanna be with him. Of course there are some days that i feel good and i know he doesn't want to see me sad or anything but it's just soo hard to deal with this.

    Sometimes things like this makes me question things about life, like:

    Why is life so unfair? why bad things happen the most to people that don't try to hurt anyone or that arent bad?

    I know i won't never get over it 100% but some days i get so depressed and sad that is not even funny, and it also makes me pissed when some of my friends or other people i know complain for the dumbest things and they don't realize like they at least have both of their parents alive.

    It also hurts me so bad because of the kind of person he was (so dedicated to his family, never drank or smoke stuff like that), i mean i don't wish death on anybody but of all my family (my mom has 15 brothers in total)
    the one that had to lose their father at an early age was me.

    Ok enough about it, has anyone ever feel this frustrated that you don't care about anything in the world? have you lost a parent? how have you deal with it?
    Share your experiences here.

    - L J
  2. #2
    Messy Marj

    Messy Marj LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

    Apr 19, 2004
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    I'm so sorry to hear that L J. :hug:
    You know, if there is ever something on your mind, you know where the pm button is, okay?

    I don't know if this fits in hear, and I don't wanna sound whiny... :unsure:

    But here goes. Both my parents are still alive, but I wish I knew my dad better than this...which is basically nothing. When I was around the age of 10 he got a mental breakdown, after a few months he went back to work, but again, a mental breakdown. This happened 3 times. After that there came a long time of rage and anger, until I was around 17. Normally I hate to talk about it but it does feel good to let it out a little bit. He's basically really unstable. Before he got all this I was still a child and not able to have a normal adult conversation, so I never knew him well.
    How I deal with it? I don't I guess. I moved away to France to live with my boyfriend, I like it without my dad, but at the same time I miss my family loads.
  3. #3

    Roubin Well-Known Member

    May 18, 2007
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    I'm so sorry, Lord Johnny. I understand you, cause I also lost my father twelve years ago due to smoking, but (believe it or not) I can feel his prescence in my house. Perhaps it is my father's ghost who wants to stay with me and my mother. (yeah, I believe in the paranormal)

    My mother has been on 3 relationships after father's death, but none of the 3 worked well. Now, to deal with his absence, I wanna know more about my father's family, about his life, etc.

    Also, when I listen to the song "Like You", by Evanescence, I remember my father, and my wish to be in Heaven with him...
  4. #4

    the_stars_of_destiny Active Member

    Jul 28, 2007
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    I'm so sorry to hear that Lord Johnny :( I haven't lost any of my family members so I don't know how you must feel, but I am sorry to hear that. :(

    The best thing you can do, maybe not for everyone... But something that might work for you is to just look up into the sky and remember all the good times you guys had together and remember that just because his gone, you don't need to feel alone and left out. He would want you to be happy in life, he would want you to have a smile on your face. :) And remember... It's ok to cry. :)

    I hope I made you feel better :)
  5. #5

    rosanna Well-Known Member

    Apr 15, 2004
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    my dad got murdered when i was 3. apparently, it was a "good" thing because it ended up changing the law in delaware, and if any of you know about tom capano, i know the case made national headlines when it happened in 1996, he got the death penalty because of the law that got changed.

    anyway, he was an armored car guard. he and his partner were shot down for the money they had, AFTER they already gave it to the killers. neither had their guns loaded, they thought they wouldn't need them. when this happened it was a huge thing. it changed the way armored car guards did and continue to do thier jobs today. i got a job in december and i was talking to my manager about my dad's murder the other day, and she said she knew him because she worked at a bank and he took money to them.

    but none of that matters to me. i was only 3 when it happened, i had a 1 year old brother and a 1 day old brother when he died. i don't remember much except his giant stingrays that died after he did because no one took care of them like he did. my mom says he loved me like nothing else. i don't know.

    people are sorry when they hear about it, but i tell them it's okay; i didn't know him. sometimes i think it's better, sometimes i think it's worse. a girl in school with me had made fun of me because my dad died, and then hers did. and i felt bad for her, because now she knows what it's like, but at the same time, it was different because she had 12 years of memories with him. but i have nothing. the only pictures of him i can find are ones of him in the hospital hooked up to a dozen machines. god knows why my mom took or kept them. and she never talks about him. it was hard in school when we had to do family trees and whatnot, because i didn't know anything and she is not so willing to talk about it.

    i work in the shopping center where my mom and dad met all those years ago. he was working at the pizza place next to the drugstore where she was working. his handprint is in the cement in front of the drugstore, with his name and the date he stuck his hand in the wet cement. 1986. i wasn't even born. i always said i will petition the state of delaware to keep that block of cement when they redo the sidewalk. some people don't understand, but that is like it's all there is to prove he existed. and you can still find stuff on the internet. and once at my grandmothers house i found a tape of a news interview they did on our family right after he died. but i don't remember any of it. sometimes i dream it's the day he's going to get shot and i beg him not to leave but he does and never comes home.

    my mom says they would be divorced now. but i don't think that's fair. she doesn't know, they never got a chance to know. people complain that their parents are divorced, i know it's hard, but they say they hate their dad. i say i would rather have a dad that doesn't live with me than a dead one. she says that we would have a completely different life, nowhere near as privileged as i had. maybe that's true. money never meant much to me anyway.

    sometimes i think maybe this happened for a reason, like everything else does. it's hard but it's the only explanation i have. maybe my parents weren't meant to be together. or maybe my mom and her fiance, who i call dad because they have been together since i was 6, were meant to be together. it was just his time to go. i don't understand but that's not my job. i do know that i am who i am today because of my experiences, and his death molded a lot of my decisions and life. i do know that it is upsetting that he will never get to see his first grandson, but there were a lot of things that i am glad he didn't see. i know that every person that was important to me has been to the cemetary with me, to see my dad. i am atheist, but i sometimes pray to my father, not really pray but ask for guidance like one would do to a father that is alive. one ex boyfriend of mine told me that he even did once because he knew it was important to me. it's just the way it is. there is nothing i can do to change it. it's a life altering experience. you never get over it, even if you didn't know your parent, but you learn to move on. it's the only thing you can do.
  6. #6

    Beca Plug in baby.

    Nov 22, 2006
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    Aww i'm so sorry, i know how you feel too, my dad passed away, i think it was 6 years ago, but he had heart problems. I feel exactly like you do sometimes. I was really upset when he passed away, but i just handled it by playing with my friends because i was quite young then. I get more upset now than when he actually passed away, and i can't really talk to anyone about it because my mum and brother don't talk about it and my friends never listen.

    My brother handled it worse than me because he was closer, he went fishing with him and talked about cars and tools with him, infact the weekend before he was going to my dads mates house with him to stay for a few days.
  7. #7

    Omar Administrator LPA Super Member

    Jul 13, 2002
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    My heart goes out to all the people in this thread who have lost their parents. I'm sure at times it gets tough, but you have to go on, if for nothing else that one day you'll be a parent and get to change things for someone else.

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